‘Tis the season…the political season, that is.
If you live in a solid “blue” or “red” state you might not realize that there is a midterm election coming up in a few weeks because the outcome is a foregone conclusion in your neck of the woods. If you live in a “purple” state where there are hotly contested seats like the Dose Girls, you have been acutely aware of this fact for the past four months. Why?
You simply cannot escape them in purple America. In fact, in the time it took me to type the above paragraph I have fielded not one but TWO political robocalls on my home phone. I know you think I’m making that up, but I’m not!!
Now, we all agreed that telemarketers are a scourge of humanity. Even government officials, who can’t agree on ANYTHING, came together to give us the National Do Not Call Registry so we can avoid them. (And even if one or two slip in, you can give them the satisfying Seinfeld treatment…)
But guess what…POLITICAL CAMPAIGNS ARE EXEMPT FROM THE NO CALL LIST. Yep, that’s right! You can be fully registered on the Do Not Call List and still receive 20-40 robocalls a day in the political season. Funny how the people who make our laws exempted the irritating calls they think will get *them* money and votes. Surely that’s just a coincidence, right?
Yesterday Bobby answered a few and actually listened (instead of slamming down the phone in disgust like the rest of us). It made him very anxious.
Bobby: Thom Tillis just told me that Senator Kay Hagan lives next door to several ISIS members and has Sunday barbeques with them? YOU CAN’T VOTE FOR HER!
*ring, ring, ring*
Bobby: OH, NO!! Kay Hagan just said that senate candidate Thom Tillis hates children so much that he creates physical barriers around school bus stops to keep our youth from being educated. YOU CAN’T VOTE FOR HIM!
Me: Quit answering the phone if it’s going to make you hyperventilate.
Bobby: You obviously can’t vote for either of them! Who else is running?
Me: You mean candidates that actually have a shot of winning? Nobody. They are the choices.
Bobby: Um…what? How can you possibly decide? Both choices sound terrible!
Me: Welcome to the political process in 2014, sweetheart! You can’t vote for four more years. You’ve got some time to get used to it.
Despite the fact that nobody in the history of the world has ever been swayed to vote for a candidate because an annoying prerecorded message urged them to do so, political robocalls are out in full force.
Honestly, the only conversation I want to have with a robot starts with “domo arigato” and ends with me singing along to Dennis DeYoung in his 1983 prime.
When my phone rings I want to be excited because it’s Ashley calling so we can rundown the results of last night’s Battle Round on The Voice. Did she think Gwen blew it by stealing the long haired country guy, too? It makes me stabby when I don’t know because it’s not her at all. Instead, it’s a politician’s robot telling me the best choice for Soil and Water Conservation District Supervisor on November 4th.
I’ve had it!
Consider yourself warned, politicians. This is my mantra now…