Pinterest Nightmare #451: Naked Yoga

As two bloggers who have recently returned from wonderful summer vacations, we know what it is to feel totally blissed out and relaxed.

But we realized that we were going to need a little help maintaining our summertime zen when the post-vacation laundry began to amass, and we saw the chauffeuring schedule we need to keep up between the kids’ camps and sports practices over the next few weeks. Blergh.

We decided to consult Pinterest for ideas to keep our serenity from waning.

As we began to search we came across a lot of yoga pins. YOGA! What an interesting idea! On the plus side, we realized that a lot of our really calm and happy friends practice yoga. Also, we practically LIVE in yoga pants so we already have the wardrobe! SCORE! On the negative side, we are not partial to things that make us sweat, or require immense amounts of coordination and flexibility while listening to Enya.

It was looking like a toss up. But when we saw THIS pin, we knew the scales had tipped…

Pinterest Nightmare #451: Naked Yoga

naked Yoga

As pinned from dailymail.co.uk

There is a new and exciting trend sweeping the nation. It’s called Naked Yoga! Participants not only get blissed out and centered, they get absolutely buck naked!

Naked Yoga is just like regular yoga but with 100% less clothing. It really gives new meaning to your standard Half Moon Pose.

(Proponents of Naked Yoga do not believe in censoring the human body. I put the black bars in the photo to protect your delicate sensibilities, gentle readers, and to hopefully keep you from getting fired if your boss walks by your cubical while you are reading this post.)

The FAQs of the most popular Naked Yoga studio in NYC can help us understand a lot about the practice of Naked Yoga:

Q: Why do you have to be naked?  A: Naked Yoga allows you to connect to your authentic self and frees you from the chains of negative feelings about your body.

Exactly! I don’t want to be connecting with my counterfeit self which everyone knows is totally likely if I’m wearing stupid clothes! And I can’t think of anything that would make me feel more comfortable or free from negative feelings than squatting in front of a classroom full of naked people.

Q: Do you mind if I just watch a class? A:Sorry. Observers are not allowed. 

This is good to know. I certainly don’t want anyone standing in an observation room aligning their own chakras while I’m getting busy perfecting my Downward Dog. They better drop trou and grab a mat like rest of us.

Q: What about photography? Is that permitted? A: We keep the lights very dim for a calm environment. We find flash photography distracts from the experience, so no photography is allowed.

Good policy! Nobody wants to be lunging in a Lizard Pose only to be blinded by a flash and see spots for the next 10 minutes. If the lights were bright enough to take photos without a flash, that would be another story.

Q: Do I need to worry about what my body might do? A: No! Normal bodily functions are embraced. 

Um…I’m new to yoga. What *exactly* might my body…do? (Besides flop around in an unappealing way because I am attempting to do a headstand whilst naked?) I am not really used to embracing the bodily functions of anyone with whom I do not share a last name. Even then, I think “embrace” is a strong word. Thank goodness I have Naked Yoga to help me achieve the enlightenment necessary to put “embrace” and “bodily functions” together in the same sentence.

Q: Why is it important not to eat a heavy meal before class? A: Some people may feel nauseous if they have eaten a meal 2 to 3 hours before coming to class. 

Yes! I can confirm that I ate 4 hours ago, and I’m feeling pretty nauseous right now.

We know exactly what you’re thinking after reading those FAQs… Where’s the closet Naked Yoga studio in my town?!!  (and also what’s the easiest way to obtain a case of Clorox wipes to sanitize my mat?) Namaste!

Oh, Pinterest. No…just no.

 

No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

Every now and then I attempt to do something in our house to help my hubby out. I know, I know. I can’t help it. I am a giver.

One day a while back I decided that I would surprise him by taking the already full trash cans out to the curb. Imagine his delight when he arrived home after a long day at the office and saw that I had performed such a service. I was pretty sure it would make up for the fact that the dinner he was coming home to was cold cereal.

Hey. I could either wheel the trash cans to the curb OR go to the grocery store people. Not both. What am I? Superwoman or something?

As I opened the gate to our driveway while pulling our very large, very unwieldy trash can behind me, I brushed against some overgrown branches. I immediately felt a stinging sensation. I somehow managed to make it out of the gate without losing hold of the trashcan, but that was as far as I was able to go. By that point, it felt like my arm was on fire. I looked at it and realized that I had been stung by a wasp.

I was now looking at a giant, red, very hot and painful welt on my arm because I had attempted to be nice.

CryingMomMemeTrashPIN

Lesson learned. No good deed goes unpunished.

 

 

Back To The Old School

We like to try to bring back retro things like blogging memes that are no longer a thing. It is just how we roll. You probably know that about us already. But we bet there are some things you *don’t* know about us. Like our answer for K.

We’ve noticed a new rage taking over the blogisphere! It’s Old School Blogging.

When our friends Kristen from Four Hens and a Rooster and Susan from This Happy Mom tagged us to participate, we thought we’d give it a go. We don’t usually participate in things, but why not answer a few questions about ourselves?! After all, it was quite clear that the masses two people were clamoring to know more about us! So we got together and here’s what happened:

A. Attached or Single?

We’re attached. At the hip.

B. Best Friend?  

Duh.

C. Cake or pie?

Easy one! We love the group Cake. Especially their song “The Distance”.

D. Day of choice? 

We are crazy about Arbor Day. We go all out.

Happy Arbor Day

Johnny Appleseed is a personal hero to us both.

E. Essential Item? 

The only essential we can’t do without is oxygen (because we would suffocate).

F. Favorite color? 

We both love the color green. Except for bananas.

G. Gummy bears or worms? 

Ew! We don’t eat worms. On the other hand, who eats bears? They are surprisingly hard to catch.

H. Hometown?

Ashley is from Missouri City, Texas. Lisa is from Texas City, Missouri! PSYCH! Lisa’s actually from St. Louis, Missouri. Still it’s weird though, right?

I. Favorite Indulgence?

Pretty sure this answer will shock no one. See for yourselves…

J. January or July?

We didn’t use either of those names for our kids. If given the chance to name another one, we’d both choose June. (but spelled Joon, obviously)

K. Kids?

No thanks. We both already have two.

L. Life isn’t complete without?

Good foundation garments.

M. Marriage date?

Oh no, we’re both married. We don’t date anymore. Our husbands frown upon that!

N. Number of brothers/sisters?

Although we live in the South, we don’t have brother/sisters or cousin/uncles either. It’s not like Deliverance down here!

O. Oranges or Apples?

You can’t really compare them, now can you?

P. Phobias?

Our Phobias

Go figure.

Q. Quotes?

Laissez les bon temps rouler. –Harry Connick, Jr., Mardi Gras, 1998

R. Reasons to smile?

With the exception of humans, mammals bare their teeth to show aggression. Take that as you will.

S. Season of choice?

The Four Seasons, either Manhattan or Hualalai, Hawaii.  

T. Tag 5 People.  

We’d never tag people. We only tag overpasses and concrete walls with our graffiti.

U. Unknown fact about us?

Lisa recorded a CD as part of an all-girl a cappella singing group called the Fallopian Tunes in medical school. Ashley has a cadaver ligament in her right knee. Neither of these facts has made us rich…yet.

V. Vegetable?

Mineral! No wait…animal!

W. Worst habit?

Neither of us look good in a habit. They are wildly unflattering.

X. Xray or Ultrasound?

You get an x-ray when you’re injured. You are either ill or pregnant when you have an ultrasound. We don’t want to be injured, ill, or pregnant. We’ll pick throat culture.

Y. Your favorite food?

Our bodies respond best to anything with a vast number of calories and carbs.

Z. Zodiac sign? 

Ashley was born in the year of the dragon. Lisa was born in the year of the monkey. The dragon and the monkey make a good match with 100% compatibility. Famous dragons include: Bing Crosby, Shirley Temple, and Smaug. Famous monkeys include: Harry Houdini, Diana Ross, and Micky Dolenz.

Zodiac Signs

Now you see why we don’t usually join in things. We just can’t hack it. Even so, we want to thank Elaine at the Miss Elaine-ous Life and Jennifer at Jennifer P. Williams for the fun link up!

OSBimage125

 

You Don’t Have To Try So Hard

The Dose Girls have just returned from two glorious weeks of vacation. We unplugged and took a break from everything. It was blissful.

When we returned we had exactly 4,374 emails in our inbox. As we got down to work whittling them down to a manageable 812 items, one subject line caught our eye:

Click this link!

That doesn’t sound fishy at all, right?

Surely we were just one click away from being bombarded with ways to purchase low cost Viagra from overseas or being promised a handsome reward for wiring money to a Danish prince to get him out of jail.

DO WE LOOK STUPID?

As it turns out, yes, because we totally clicked. Luckily we were not immediately RickRolled because it was legit, and we saw the BEST. THING. EVER.

We won’t lie. We both teared up immediately… and then called our daughters over to see it.

We are not exaggerating to say that we think every woman and girl should immediately stop whatever they are doing and watch the video below. It’s just that good.

The words and images are perfect and beautiful. It sends exactly the message most of us need to hear no matter what our ages.

Trust us. Have we ever steered you wrong before? (Wait…Pinterest Nightmares don’t count!)

You really are perfect just as you are. You don’t have to change a single thing. Don’t let anyone tell you differently, girl!

See we told you!! *sniff*

(But the next thing we clicked told us we needed to fill out some personal information for a credit card we don’t have…so BEWARE! All clicks don’t pay off with an awesome Colbie Caillat video.)