Every now and then I attempt to do something in our house to help my hubby out. I know, I know. I can’t help it. I am a giver.
One day a while back I decided that I would surprise him by taking the already full trash cans out to the curb. Imagine his delight when he arrived home after a long day at the office and saw that I had performed such a service. I was pretty sure it would make up for the fact that the dinner he was coming home to was cold cereal.
Hey. I could either wheel the trash cans to the curb OR go to the grocery store people. Not both. What am I? Superwoman or something?
As I opened the gate to our driveway while pulling our very large, very unwieldy trash can behind me, I brushed against some overgrown branches. I immediately felt a stinging sensation. I somehow managed to make it out of the gate without losing hold of the trashcan, but that was as far as I was able to go. By that point, it felt like my arm was on fire. I looked at it and realized that I had been stung by a wasp.
I was now looking at a giant, red, very hot and painful welt on my arm because I had attempted to be nice.
We like to try to bring back retro things like blogging memes that are no longer a thing. It is just how we roll. You probably know that about us already. But we bet there are some things you *don’t* know about us. Like our answer for K.
We’ve noticed a new rage taking over the blogisphere! It’s Old School Blogging.
When our friends Kristen from Four Hens and a Rooster and Susan from This Happy Mom tagged us to participate, we thought we’d give it a go. We don’t usually participate in things, but why not answer a few questions about ourselves?! After all, it was quite clear that the masses two people were clamoring to know more about us! So we got together and here’s what happened:
A. Attached or Single?
We’re attached. At the hip.
B. Best Friend?
C. Cake or pie?
Easy one! We love the group Cake. Especially their song “The Distance”.
D. Day of choice?
We are crazy about Arbor Day. We go all out.
Johnny Appleseed is a personal hero to us both.
E. Essential Item?
The only essential we can’t do without is oxygen (because we would suffocate).
F. Favorite color?
We both love the color green. Except for bananas.
G. Gummy bears or worms?
Ew! We don’t eat worms. On the other hand, who eats bears? They are surprisingly hard to catch.
Ashley is from Missouri City, Texas. Lisa is from Texas City, Missouri! PSYCH! Lisa’s actually from St. Louis, Missouri. Still it’s weird though, right?
I. Favorite Indulgence?
Pretty sure this answer will shock no one. See for yourselves…
J. January or July?
We didn’t use either of those names for our kids. If given the chance to name another one, we’d both choose June. (but spelled Joon, obviously)
No thanks. We both already have two.
L. Life isn’t complete without?
Good foundation garments.
M. Marriage date?
Oh no, we’re both married. We don’t date anymore. Our husbands frown upon that!
N. Number of brothers/sisters?
Although we live in the South, we don’t have brother/sisters or cousin/uncles either. It’s not like Deliverance down here!
O. Oranges or Apples?
You can’t really compare them, now can you?
Laissez les bon temps rouler. –Harry Connick, Jr., Mardi Gras, 1998
R. Reasons to smile?
With the exception of humans, mammals bare their teeth to show aggression. Take that as you will.
S. Season of choice?
The Four Seasons, either Manhattan or Hualalai, Hawaii.
T. Tag 5 People.
We’d never tag people. We only tag overpasses and concrete walls with our graffiti.
U. Unknown fact about us?
Lisa recorded a CD as part of an all-girl a cappella singing group called the Fallopian Tunes in medical school. Ashley has a cadaver ligament in her right knee. Neither of these facts has made us rich…yet.
Mineral! No wait…animal!
W. Worst habit?
Neither of us look good in a habit. They are wildly unflattering.
X. Xray or Ultrasound?
You get an x-ray when you’re injured. You are either ill or pregnant when you have an ultrasound. We don’t want to be injured, ill, or pregnant. We’ll pick throat culture.
Y. Your favorite food?
Our bodies respond best to anything with a vast number of calories and carbs.
Z. Zodiac sign?
Ashley was born in the year of the dragon. Lisa was born in the year of the monkey. The dragon and the monkey make a good match with 100% compatibility. Famous dragons include: Bing Crosby, Shirley Temple, and Smaug. Famous monkeys include: Harry Houdini, Diana Ross, and Micky Dolenz.
The Dose Girls have just returned from two glorious weeks of vacation. We unplugged and took a break from everything. It was blissful.
When we returned we had exactly 4,374 emails in our inbox. As we got down to work whittling them down to a manageable 812 items, one subject line caught our eye:
That doesn’t sound fishy at all, right?
Surely we were just one click away from being bombarded with ways to purchase low cost Viagra from overseas or being promised a handsome reward for wiring money to a Danish prince to get him out of jail.
DO WE LOOK STUPID?
As it turns out, yes, because we totally clicked. Luckily we were not immediately RickRolled because it was legit, and we saw the BEST. THING. EVER.
We won’t lie. We both teared up immediately… and then called our daughters over to see it.
We are not exaggerating to say that we think every woman and girl should immediately stop whatever they are doing and watch the video below. It’s just that good.
The words and images are perfect and beautiful. It sends exactly the message most of us need to hear no matter what our ages.
Trust us. Have we ever steered you wrong before? (Wait…Pinterest Nightmares don’t count!)
You really are perfect just as you are. You don’t have to change a single thing. Don’t let anyone tell you differently, girl!
See we told you!! *sniff*
(But the next thing we clicked told us we needed to fill out some personal information for a credit card we don’t have…so BEWARE! All clicks don’t pay off with an awesome Colbie Caillat video.)
Two big marriage milestones for the Dose Girls this year. Lisa and her hubby celebrated the big 20 years in April, and my hubby and I recently celebrated 15 years of wedded bliss. Thinking about our anniversaries got us both talking about our weddings, receptions and honeymoons.
Honestly, way back when we both got married and each had an amazing honeymoon, we imagined that we would travel like that all the time. Little did we both know that our respective honeymoons would be the last big vacation we had for well, ever. Thank God we enjoyed it, right?!
So when thinking about this scenario as a possible Would You Rather, we could not help but think of it from the perspective of two people who last traveled alone with their hubbies decades ago. Meaning we were selfish in our answers and allowed everyone else to suffer. Sorry. Not sorry.
Your wedding reception. Full of everyone you love in the world wishing for your absolute happiness. You and your new spouse are so busy rushing around greeting everyone that you never even get a chance to sample the delicious menu you agonized over for months while planning your big day.
You leave the reception to begin your honeymoon, feeling nothing but bliss and the satisfaction of knowing that everyone who came to celebrate with you had the time of their lives.
I mean, until about 6 hours after they left at which point they all began what would turn out to be at least 72 hours of pure misery. The shellfish sounded like such a good idea at the time, amIright?
You and your mate discover after you return from your magical honeymoon that every single guest at your wedding got food poisoning. Yep. Every single one. You two were spared, thankfully, because you never got to eat. But all the people who came to wish you a lifetime of happiness spent days praying to the porcelain God.
Wedding and reception went off without a hitch. Everyone in attendance agreed it was the best event they had ever been to. And you knew they were not just saying that. You could really tell it was amazing. All the planning, effort, money, time, etc. had been worth it, and you and your mate head off on your honeymoon feeling on top of the world!
You arrive at your dream honeymoon location. It is everything you imagined. Rose petals on the bed, chocolate covered strawberries waiting for you, and plush, hotel robes that you can lounge in for hours.
Dinner that first night is amazing. You both eat until you can barely walk back to your room. So much good food. Skipping all that food at your reception doesn’t seem so bad anymore, since it freed up your stomachs for all the honeymoon food.
Cut to about 4:00 a.m. when it turns out that the amazing dinner was not so amazing after all.
You and your new mate then spend the next 72 hours wishing you had skipped the shrimp. And every other part of the meal, for that matter.
What a way to spend your honeymoon, huh? Your life together can only go up from here, right?
So, would you rather have every one of your guests get food poisoning at your wedding (but you and your spouse are totally fine) or have you and your spouse get food poisoning on your honeymoon (but everyone who attended your wedding is totally fine)?
Oh, we are you guys. And stop calling me Shirley.
Be honest and tell us your answer in the comments. And by the way, don’t try the whole “well, this would never happen to me because I would never serve shellfish or I don’t eat shrimp”. Whatever you did serve or whatever you did eat is what made all your guests or you and your spouse sick. The end.