Fancy Lady Show…aka The Oscars

I haven’t even begun watching the actual Oscar broadcast yet, but thank God for TiVo so I can catch up after I talk about what is really most important, the dresses. Specifically, the thoughts on the dresses from the two eight year-olds and the one four year-old watching the pre-Oscar red carpet show in my game room.

We all gathered in our finest jammies to dine on pizza and cupcakes, which is I am sure exactly how they do it at the actual post-Oscar parties, right Wolfgang Puck?

In case you missed my Facebook status yesterday, Emma was very excited to rate the dresses, specifically those that were her favorites, while Abby said that she could not wait to weigh in on which she felt were “the yuckiest”. The good news for Miss Abby was that she would have plenty to work with this year, folks, because those Hollywood gals did not disappoint. We were all very excited to include our BFF’s Miss Lisa and her Lucy in our fancy lady show watching, because if watching the red carpet is fun with three, then that fun can only be increased when two more come on board!

Can you think of three more capable fashion judges?

The girls got immediately down to business with their paper and pencils and went to work rating from 0-10 the dresses they saw, until they became distracted by my iPod and left the room to make horror movies. I think the allure of the red carpet made them all realize that sitting at home in jammies is so much less appealing than the prospect of being among the stars, so if they had any hope of ever breaking out of the game room, they were going to have to get to work!

Before they abandoned Lisa and me to do all our criticizing critiquing on our own, they had all agreed that their favorite dress on the red carpet had been worn by none other than Miss Piggy. What can I say? These girls have a soft spot for a girl with curves who loves a green frog, can you blame them? They were decidedly thumbs down for Penelope Ann Miller. And Melissa McCarthy. They did enjoy Milla Jovovich, who we all agreed brought the first touch of true Hollywood glamour to the red carpet. Ironic, since when I think of her associated with movies, it is with that horrific film (if you can even call it a film) The Fifth Element. But, Milla, you totally redeemed yourself in my eyes tonight, because you brought it.

So, I think I will do a little Fashion Police segment here, where I post a dress and then our commentary, it will totally make me feel like Tom & Lorenzo, only without the fashion know-how or fame factor. Here we go…

 

 

Gwyneth Paltrow: You know, I want to like you, because your husband is hot and sings “Fix You”, which is exactly what he should have done with this dress. I mean, no. No. And the cape? Plus the wrinkles. Why? You can do better, I know you can. I can’t believe Chris gave this the thumbs up.

 

 

 

 

 

 

J.Lo.: Jenny, from the block, girl, what is happening here? The cut-out sleeves are just too much, honey. Did Marc win those in the divorce or something?

Viola Davis: The thing is, I want you to win. You are the one I would vote for if I were a member of the Academy. I just know it should be you up there holding up that trophy tonight. Except, wait, don’t hold it up, okay? Because if you hold it up, I am pretty sure there will be a wardrobe malfunction. Just hold it by your side or something instead. The bottom of the dress is beautiful. The top looks like broccoli. You spoke the best line of dialogue of the year when you said, “You is kind, you is smart, you is important.” All I can think to say, “You is in need of a new stylist.”

 

Emma Stone: What can I say other than I love her? I am pretty sure she might be my new girl crush. Sorry Keri Russell, we were bound to break up at some point, right? Felicity has been over for years. Emma can totally pull this off because she is amazing. And not just because she got to do the lift with Ryan Gosling in Crazy, Stupid Love, although, for the record, I bet it was awesome. She looks stunning and like a star, which is exactly how you should look at the Oscars.

 

 

 

Jessica Chastain: You know who didn’t need The Help at the Oscars? This girl. She was the picture of gorgeous and stylish and everything that it means to be fantastic. Swinging her hair extensions as she walked down the red carpet, you could just tell that she owned her look. She was feeling every bit the A-lister tonight. Loved it.

For all of the other dresses of the night, check out this article, where I found all these fabulous photos and leave me your thoughts in the comments about which ones you loved, hated, wished you could burn right there on the carpet, etc.

 


Comments

Fancy Lady Show…aka The Oscars — 13 Comments

  1. First of all, I love The Fifth Element, which probably isn’t surprising in the least. I’ve seen it more times than I can count.

    I am terrible at judging the dresses. I usually go through the TWoP galleries for award show fashions and try and guess whether the dress is considered “best” or “worst”. About 50% of the time I get it wrong. It’s still fun to do, though.

    • Really? The movie with Bruce Willis? That Fifth Element? Huh. Maybe I missed something. It is possible. I am pretty sure I was hungover when I saw it in college.

      I am so going to check out TWoP right now and see how many I can get right! I love guessing games! ;)

  2. “Looks like broccoli”—Ha! And I didn’t love Jessica Chastain’s, although I loved her confidence. And I will totally cut you if you try to take Emma Stone from me. Loved how she presented the award.

    • But doesn’t it look like broccoli? I mean, right? If it were a Rorschach test, that would totally be the first thing that came to your mind, wouldn’t it?

      I am sure there is plenty of Emma to go around. We can totally share her. :)

  3. I agree that the broccoli comment cracked me up, and was right on target.

    I absolutely LOVED Michelle Williams’ dress. I thought the color was gorgeous on her and I loved her hair. I think her’s was my favorite. I also thought Octavia Spencer looked great and I loved her dress too. I also very much liked Glenn Close’s ensemble and thought the jacket was fun given the role she was nominated for. I liked the concept of Emma Stone’s dress but thought there was a little too much of it. I was also a fan of Penelope Cruz’s dress.

    As for the guys, I really like Christopher Plummer’s jacket. I mean, he’s 84, so I figure he can do what he wants. I was horrified by Jonah Hill’s entire look from the black on black to the horrible hair. I was equally horrified by Billy Crystal’s cracks about his weight. I mean, seriously?

    I would have liked Stacy Keibler’s dress in another color, but agree with the Charlotte Observer that she looked too much like an “Oscar” herself. I liked the rose on it. I also think Melissa McCarthy could’ve saved her look by losing the sleeve things.

    I thought the epic fails of the evening were, in addition to Jonah Hill, J-Lo and Judy Greer. J-Lo looked awful and I couldn’t figure out why it looked like there were stripes on her bare arm. I thought Judy Greer’s dress was just awful. I also thought Natalie Portman looked like her appearance and dress was just an afterthought. I know it was vintage Dior and all that, but I thought the polka dots really dressed it down and made it just so-so.

    Did Abby declare one dress the “yuckiest” of them all?

    • First of all, love the fact that you left such a well-thought out, good comment with lots of thoughts! Thank you! :)

      HATED Stacy Keibler’s dress. I honestly feel like I could find something like that on sale at TJ Maxx.

      I liked Michelle William’s dress, too, although I was not a big fan of her necklace. I thought she looked very pretty, though and it was a good solid choice for her. I am a fan of hers, though.

      Octavia Spencer looked AMAZING. Gorgeous. Stunning.

      Jonah Hill was a disaster. Black on black is a total no in my book.

      I loved Judy Greer’s dress. Thought it was stunning.

      I liked Natalie’s dress, but did not enjoy her hair at all. I thought it looked greasy and unwashed…kind of like my own! ;)

  4. Love the post, and I absolutely LOVE that the girls took your iPad and went to go make a horror movie. Hilarious!!
    I agree that Hollywood totally disappointed last night. I could care less about the awards, but I do love the red carpet. I know metallics are in style, but did everyone have to wear silver? I was waiting for them to all get out of their seats to do a flash mob or something — at least that would have explained the uniform dresses.
    Love your commentary — you should be there next year! I agree on Viola (awful) and Jessica (beautiful), but disagree on Emma and Gwyneth. I think Gwyneth totally pulled off the white. The cape is very fashion forward on her. I think she’s a trend-setter with that part. The girl needs some help with foundation garments, though. I’ll give you that. And, while I LOVE Emma Stone, that bow around her neck was just too much. When walking the red carpet, you can’t just give the critics the noose with which to hang you.
    Sounds like a fun night at your house! Thanks for the fun post!

    • Thanks Stace! I appreciate you reading and commenting! :)
      Ha, ha, ha on the flash mob, love that mental image! That would certainly shake things up!
      I laughed out loud at the noose line about Emma Stone, that is AWESOME!

  5. Since you already know how I feel about every dress during the pre-show red carpet I’ll comment on the few that we didn’t see there….

    *Angelina Jolie*–I don’t have anything against her. I actually kind of like her (I know that’s an unpopular stance). …but…WHAT IS WITH STICKING HER RIGHT LEG OUT LIKE THAT? I don’t even know how I feel about her dress because that was just so weird. I thought I might be the only one who was bothered by this until I saw her right leg has it’s own Twitter account now. (and of course the winning writers that mocked her)

    *Meryl Streep*–I think she is a goddess. I LOVE her. I felt she brought it *for her*. (Yes, she gets graded on a curve from me because she’s Meryl) She likes to be comfortable, but she was glamorous comfortable. She can do no wrong in my book.

    *Penelope Cruz*–when did she start looking like Natalie Portman? I liked that she went the demure route and the color of her gown was beautiful, but from afar she totally could have been Natalie when she came out to present. Weird.

    *JLo*–I know we dissected her appearance on the pre-show but we really never saw her look straight on like you could during the telecast….absolutely T.R.A.G.I.C. (and that’s even without exposing her nipple.)

    *Judy Greer*–STUNNING. I thought it was completely striking and memorable–one of the best dressed of the night. I gasped when I first saw it. I also thought her hair and make up looked amazing. For me it was a welcome bit of glamour in a sea of skin toned garments that give me hives.

    *Stacey Keibler*–I absolutely hated this gown. I thought it was too shiny in a bad way and the rose on her hip was hideous. It all just looked messy…add to that the droopy drape of fabric on only ONE arm, hair swooped to one shoulder, and no necklace on a strapless dress….Yuck!

    • I am so annoyed that I have seen the actual broadcast yet so I can see the Angelina leg thing. I mean for God’s sake anything that warrants its own Twitter account has got to be fantastic!

      Meryl is the greatest. I heart her. She rocks. My sister thinks she was totally tipped off, a la, grassy knoll style that she was going to win, so she knew to dress up. Scandal in the making, you heard it here first! ;)

      Loved Penelope Cruz’s dress. Stunningly elegant and classy, but oh my Gosh, in the pictures she did look like Natalie Portman!

      You know how I feel about the rest you mentioned, but I will just say that I concur. :)

    • Yep. This is just the same. You like the uniforms (okay the game), we like the dresses. And the snacks. See, there are total similarities! ;)

  6. I watched the red carpet but left before the Oscar broadcast began because Oscar and I have broken up, and I didn’t want to make things uncomfortable for him knowing I was watching on his big night. And with no Michael Fassbender or Ryan Gosling there either, well, there was really nothing to keep me around. Sorry Oscar.

    But I do enjoy the red carpet. Mostly I enjoy judging the sartorial choices of others, though gone are the days of Cher and Bjork so I feel like there aren’t any jaw dropping fashion misses lately. Except for the sections of sleeve and double sided tape that JLo forgot to put on in her rush to get ready.

    I wholly ‘hearted’ Jessica Chastain’s dress. Super big crush on it.

    But I have to disagree with you sister about Emma Stone’s dress. She, nor actually anyone I can think of, can pull off a giant bow around her neck. I think only golden retriever puppies when given as a surprise birthday present can wear that look well.

    Also, there seemed to be hedgerows of bangs all over the place. Who let bangs back in “style” and can someone let them out again?

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