Seriously, between The Amazing Race and The Voice, CBS and NBC are clearly just determined that I will go through all the boxes of Kleenex I stocked up on at the last triple coupon special.
Because, these shows for the past two weeks have had be weeping into my hands like when I saw The Help. You know what contestants on these two shows, YOU is kind, YOU is smart and YOU is important.
There. I feel better now.
First, on last week’s The Amazing Race, Art and J.J., Team Border Patrol, revealed that they do not in fact have hearts made of stone and gave away half of their $10,000 winnings from a certain leg of the race to Bopper, one half of Team Lifelong Friends (only the greatest, nicest, kindest team ever). In twenty seasons, something like this has never happened. He did this so Bopper could help his his sick daughter with her crippling asthma. Cue my crippling sobbing.
Watching The Amazing Race this week made me realize that the non-romantically involved teams, my two favorites, Joey Fitness and Danny (Team NY), Bopper and Mark (Team Lifelong Friends), are just so darn nice to each other all the time. They are so supportive and kind and respectful and genuinely seem like they are having fun doing this, and it made me want both teams to win so much that my heart kind of hurt and before I knew it, I was blinking back the tears. What is wrong with me?
Then on The Voice last week, Jamar was paired against Jamie to battle it out, and it was quickly revealed that they have become really good friends. If that didn’t tug at my heart enough, when Jamar advanced he gave an inspirational speech about how it is never too late in life to turn yourself around. He should know as he was once a meth addict and is HIV positive and has completely changed his life and become the man he is today. If THAT wasn’t enough, Jaime was thrilled for his friend and thought that maybe his higher purpose for being on the show was to help Jamar get through to the next round. Oh dear God, cue the waterworks AGAIN in casa Taylor.
So, last night, I sat down with my bag of jelly beans left over from Goofy’s candy store at Downtown Disney and prepared for another night of battle rounds on The Voice. I was feeling pretty good about it, since surely two weeks in a row this show cannot reduce me to a sniveling mess, right? I mean this is a show that features Cee Lo in red satin pajamas petting his cat before the commercial breaks, not exactly a Hallmark Hall of Fame weepfest, RIGHT?
Things are going along well. Sure I was sad a few times to see someone go…it is never fun to watch dreams crushed, but the judges always do it kindly, and hey kids, this is what you signed up for, blah, blah, blah. And then we came to the final pairing of the night. This is where they got me last week, too. I *should* have known. Erin versus Gwen.
Oh damn. They have become friends, too. And Gwen is so nice. Then they show Erin’s back story again, and her dad has stage 4 pancreatic cancer. OH NO.
The night before the big battle Blake has to sit down with Erin because it is revealed that her father is hours away from dying. WHAT? And she isn’t sure what to do? Really? And of course it is Blake, who is so kind and good and sweet. Oh God, then it hits me (thankfully not before this show was actually taped) that his own father recently died. Well, that was it for me. I spent the rest of her performance, which she said she did for her dad, sobbing like a little school girl, into my hands. It was truly what you would call the Oprah ugly cry.
She advanced, of course, which is good, because she does have a beautiful voice and she can do it all in memory of her dad, and then they did the whole flash of “In Memory of Chuck Willett” at the end, which caused me to start the heaving sobs. In the fantasy in my mind, all I can hope is that somehow he heard her sing and she got to his bedside before he died.
Reality TV is supposed to horrify me and leave me wondering about the future of the human race, not have me saving up my pennies for the next triple coupon sale on Kleenex.