Lottery Loser

Imagine this filled out with winning imagine it filled out with our numbers.

I was pretty sure Friday night that we were totally going to win the Mega Millions.

After I read a really funny post over at Barefoot Foodie about playing the fake lottery winning game with her hubby, it inspired me to do the same.

I asked the kids first what they would do with the money, giving the stipulation that they could choose a trip anywhere they wanted to go, and they could each choose a different vacation. I know, I am totally the world’s most generous fake lottery winning mom EVER.

Emma chose Hawaii. I am so there.

Abby chose Disneyland. Clearly, money changes people’s perceptions of reality, and in her case, I really hope it changes hers for the better. Or maybe having Land appear at the end of Disney, instead of World would make it less intense and scary? Whatever, I shouldn’t over analyze, it was her lottery fantasy.

That was right before she refused to even look at the camera. She loved Disney.

I super annoyed the kids when I said that my lottery vacation would be somewhere tropical with just Robert.

Gasping and sputtering, they were both like, “What, without us?” as if I had instead said I was putting them up for adoption or something.

I explained that after our whirlwind vacays to Hawaii and Disneyland, they would probably need a break from old Mom and Dad. Yeah, that’s it, they would need the break from us.

So, then it was Robert’s turn, and he totally turned buzzkill on us and just between you and me is probably the reason why I am not writing this post from a tropical beach somewhere counting my HUNDREDS of millions.

He was like, waxing poetic about his solo vacation to destination unknown away from all of us because, and I quote, “y’all are really driving me crazy!” I know. Right in front of the kids. And me! That is my line, Robert! Seriously, though, I smacked him, lovingly and reassured the kids that Daddy loves us and besides I would lay down in the driveway before I would let him travel solo! 😉

Then, to make matters worse, he told me that he would expect that we would remain lifelong anonymous lottery winners.

By lifelong, you mean like to just collect the money, right? Until the dust settles, right? Because, People magazine does not interview anonymous lottery winners, Robert. The Oscars do not invite anonymous lottery winners, Robert. How am I supposed to take the kids to see The Voice and have Adam Levine let me try out his chair if I am ANONYMOUS, Robert?

That's funny, because I want you, too, Adam! Call me!

No, he really meant forever.

So, clearly, since I don’t live in Maryland, Illinois or Kansas and I am married to Robert, I am still here today, not a Mega Millionaire.




Lottery Loser — 19 Comments

  1. This made me laugh out loud! I do this all the time – sitting there fantasizing about money that I could have won if I had played the lottery. But never you fear about Robert – you can’t remain anonymous in NC so you will be on the Today show and GMA and whatever else you deign to give an audience when you win the big one!

    • Oh boy, I can’t wait to tell Robert that not only did his negative energy cost us the Mega Millions but it was all for not!
      I am totally treating myself to a mani/pedi just for the psychological anguish that losing that much money caused me! 😉

  2. So funny! I just love your writing Ashley! I must confess….I would probably pick Robert’s idea of the “isolation island”, as much as I love my family- that sure sounds heavenly!!! 😉

    • Hope you would save some for me! Ha, ha, ha! I crack myself up! 😉
      Look at you being a giver to charity. Make it a good one, okay. None of those pesky ones that take all the money off the top for their execs!

  3. Yeah, no mega-millions here either. And we didn’t even win anything at our school’s basket raffle this weekend, to boot! Either my karma needs an adjustment or all of my luck is being stockpiled for the preschool Spring Fling next month. 😉

    • I am definitely thinking all your luck is headed for the Spring Fling…what are you hoping to win there?? 🙂

  4. I really thought one of us would have it in the bag for the win. Tough break! 😉

    You do realize…. now you couldn’t remain anonymous after a win even if you wanted to!!! If we hear you have booked a trip to Disneyland and Hawaii AND that Robert will be taking a week away…we’ll all know the score!!!!

    • We would have been the nicest winners ever, too. Totally generous and fun without letting it change us. Ugh.

      Good point, I will have to out myself on the blog anyway. Don’t tell Robert that either. Turns out it is not the lottery winnings that ruin the marriage, but all the secrets ABOUT the lottery winnings.
      Note to self: spend some of the winnings on marriage counseling! 😉

      • No…I’d totally let it change me. I’m talking LOADED mini-van and splurging for the Sonicare with the UV sanitizer. There’d be no living with me at all.

        • Yeah, boy. Those are some super HIGH demands my friend. Before you know it, it will be all, “What are these red M&Ms doing in here with these green M&Ms?”
          If you are going to go high-maintenance I say go ALL the way!

  5. Hahahaha! Totally made me laugh out loud.

    I think I’m on Robert’s side with this one, though. Being anonymous means there won’t be people crawling out of the woodwork asking for money because they are best friend’s brother’s classmate who I once saw at McDonald’s in high school.

    But it sure is fun to imagine what you’d do with the money. I’d (of course) take the family to Disney World and to Ireland. Brian and I would take an Alaskan Cruise. We’d put most of the money in an IRA or CD or whatever it is that earns the most interest. We’d give a goodly bit to family and donate a portion to charity as well. (Clearly I’ve thought about this a lot.)

    • Glad to know you have a solid plan in place for when you win Kim, seems like you are making some smart choices there! I still think you will have a fair amount leftover, so feel free to pass a little along to your former playgroup friend who you blog with and sometimes see at meetings! 😉

  6. My wife and I play this game too. First and foremost, we’d quit our jobs. Pay off the house. And we get so caught up in how wonderful that would be, we never make it to thinking about a vacation site!

    I would definitely want to stay anonymous forever. Forever. YOu can meet all thsoe famous people in famous people, rich clubs if you want; but once you let people know you’re rollin in dough, you’ll never be able to trust who your friends are and who they aren’t.

    • It is pretty easy to stop after pay off the house and lock in college and grad school for both kids, right? See, we go straight for luxury and then cycle back to adult responsibility…you are obviously doing it the right way! 🙂

      Good point about the friend thing…I have a feeling that is why Oprah and Gayle are so tight…Gayle was there for Oprah pre-billionaire days! 😉

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