I was pretty sure Friday night that we were totally going to win the Mega Millions.
After I read a really funny post over at Barefoot Foodie about playing the fake lottery winning game with her hubby, it inspired me to do the same.
I asked the kids first what they would do with the money, giving the stipulation that they could choose a trip anywhere they wanted to go, and they could each choose a different vacation. I know, I am totally the world’s most generous fake lottery winning mom EVER.
Emma chose Hawaii. I am so there.
Abby chose Disneyland. Clearly, money changes people’s perceptions of reality, and in her case, I really hope it changes hers for the better. Or maybe having Land appear at the end of Disney, instead of World would make it less intense and scary? Whatever, I shouldn’t over analyze, it was her lottery fantasy.
I super annoyed the kids when I said that my lottery vacation would be somewhere tropical with just Robert.
Gasping and sputtering, they were both like, “What, without us?” as if I had instead said I was putting them up for adoption or something.
I explained that after our whirlwind vacays to Hawaii and Disneyland, they would probably need a break from old Mom and Dad. Yeah, that’s it, they would need the break from us.
So, then it was Robert’s turn, and he totally turned buzzkill on us and just between you and me is probably the reason why I am not writing this post from a tropical beach somewhere counting my HUNDREDS of millions.
He was like, waxing poetic about his solo vacation to destination unknown away from all of us because, and I quote, “y’all are really driving me crazy!” I know. Right in front of the kids. And me! That is my line, Robert! Seriously, though, I smacked him, lovingly and reassured the kids that Daddy loves us and besides I would lay down in the driveway before I would let him travel solo!
Then, to make matters worse, he told me that he would expect that we would remain lifelong anonymous lottery winners.
By lifelong, you mean like to just collect the money, right? Until the dust settles, right? Because, People magazine does not interview anonymous lottery winners, Robert. The Oscars do not invite anonymous lottery winners, Robert. How am I supposed to take the kids to see The Voice and have Adam Levine let me try out his chair if I am ANONYMOUS, Robert?
No, he really meant forever.
So, clearly, since I don’t live in Maryland, Illinois or Kansas and I am married to Robert, I am still here today, not a Mega Millionaire.