Open Letter To Jessica Simpson…Again

Dear Jessica,

Miss me? It has been a few months since I last wrote you, and I will say that I take full credit for sending you into labor with your baby girl. I mean sure, it might┬áhave been a coincidence that I posted my letter and then next thing you know the headlines screamed, “Jessica Finally Gives Birth”, but I like to think it was my letter.

Anyhow, enough about me, let’s talk about you.

I saw you on Katie the other day where you showed the picture of your totally adorable (her thighs are too much!) Maxwell sporting her yellow bikini. I immediately smiled and thought to myself, “Oh my goodness, that baby, her rolls, her squishy thighs….”. You get my point. I know a cute baby when I see one, and you, my friend (can I call you that yet? I like to think we are friends now) have one very cute baby!

Seriously, her thighs, oh my Gosh!

Imagine my shock when the interwebs blew up because you dared to put your baby in and then show a picture of her wearing a bikini. Ummm, what? Since when are babies relegated to wet suits and one piece bathing attire? Did I miss a memo?

I am here to tell you Jessica that I am with you on this one sister (okay, sister may be taking it too far. I’ll stick with friend). Turns out we have more in common than I might have originally thought.

See, I once put my baby in a bikini and dared to take a picture of it. Thankfully for me, I was unknown at that time, so no one took to Twitter to blast me for my attempt at soft child pornography or whatever other nonsense they are saying about your picture. In fact, if I remember correctly everyone I sent the picture to wrote back with laughter and smiles and references to fat baby thighs. And no, they were not in fact calling my baby fat, thus subjecting her to a lifetime of ridicule and therapy for her healthy dose of thighs. That is what they would have done with a picture of ME in a bikini! Ha, ha, ha, just jokes Jess, just jokes!

Because I am a big believer in women validating other women, I am taking to my blog once again to give you a confidence boost. You show off that baby all you want! Don’t feel an ounce of guilt or judgement because your sweet girl can rock a yellow bikini far better than any of the rest of us could ever hope to! In solidarity with you I am going full public display with my own daughter’s bikini past. I hope the world can take two cute babies in two piece bathing suits mere days apart. ;)

Bikinis and crotchet go together like well, babies and bikinis!

You can count on me, Jessica. I am here for you. Real moms protect each other. Real moms stand up for one another. Real moms belong to a club that haters on the internet just wish they could join.

Now go snuggle that baby of yours!

Love,

Ashley

 


Comments

Open Letter To Jessica Simpson…Again — 21 Comments

  1. Are you kidding me?? They fussed because an INFANT was in a bikini and made a big deal out of it using pedophiles as their logic. Anyone that would worry about pedophiles in that context for that reason * although I know they exist don’t get me wrong* would concern me with being pedophiles themselves. Screw them and if I can find it I will post a pic of ME in a bikini as a baby back in the day trust me both of the above babies look underfed when you see my pic.. yeah I looked like the michelin man was my daddy

  2. I love this! I have to be honest – I was afraid – just a little – of what I’d be reading because I wasn’t sure how candid you’d be with her. ;) But I LOVE this. Thanks for writing it and I hope she sees it. ;)

    • Well, you know, with Jess, I like to stay a little under the radar…don’t want to go FULL reality on her! ;)
      Thank you so much for reading and commenting! You rock!

  3. I completely agree. My 8 month old had a 2 piece this summer as well and though it was more of a tankini, I think all this hoopla is ridiculous and I’m not a Jess fan. She’s not on a bear skin rug for goodness sake! It was done with humor and people are taking it to a place it never should have gone. My two cents anyway. And both of these babies are precious.

  4. Seriously? Are they gonna complain about the coppertone baby with her bare chest and a puppy pulling down her britches? No. Unless of course it’s JS’s baby. Some people just need to complain about others to feel better about themselves. Sad. Oh and your little girl rocked the bikini!!!

  5. So true! Two piece bathings suits have been around forever….of course I am not wearing one….because if I did….people would complain because my thighs are not so cute. Darling photo – Have a good weekend! :)

  6. I saw this and thought it was completely stupid! Just such a freaking waste of journalism/news/space. Are people really getting all bothered by a BABY in a bikini???? They seriously need to get a life. There are enough tragedies in this world without these people trying to create one. I’d gladly sign this open letter, my friend. Hats off!

    • I know, I know, I know!! Why was this even a topic?? Can’t we talk about Ryan Gosling being hot or whether we can vote to get Adam Levine to take off his shirt this season on The Voice?! Seriously, people, those are the real issues! ;)

  7. Ok, that’s just stupid. That baby is beyond precious (as is yours) and anyone with a brain can tell that it’s not a ‘sexy’ bikini but a cute bikini. And isn’t that the point of having a little girl, so we can put them in bikinis with ruffled butts?

  8. I thought it was really ridiculous that people were slamming her for that. It’s a baby. I do get a little uncomfortable when I see tween girls wearing suggestive suits, but that is a completely different situation.

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