For the Love Of God…Use the Backdoor

Nothing gives us greater joy than when we read something that we can both relate to on every single level! After reading the latest post from Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms, we found ourselves not only doubled over in laughter but having the following conversation while on the phone in the EXACT.SAME.CARPOOL.LINE. Don’t judge us because we often sit two cars apart talking to each other. We always hang up before the line starts moving because we are nothing if not strict rule followers!

Ashley: Oh my Gosh, that article was so funny. Did I tell you that I almost killed myself in MY shower today because the kids always want to use my bathroom? First, I first impaled my foot on a naked Barbie leg and then practically slipped on a sampling of foam alphabet letters that were greased with Abby’s shampoo. It is hard to shower when you are trying to side step buckets and the entire collection of The Little Mermaid figurines. I know you can relate to that!

Lisa: Ummm, no. You know good and well I cannot relate to that. I know it must be really hard with your pool like jacuzzi bathtub and separate multi-head shower experience because everyone wants to be in your bathroom. NOBODY wants to be in my bathroom, including me. Our “master suite” bathroom is the size and shape of a refrigerator box complete with the ever popular 1970′s shower/tub combo! Thanks 2008 economy for delaying the bathroom remodel of my dreams until….never.

Ashley: Okay, okay, I get it. My bathroom is one of the only decent places in my house, or at least it used to be when my decorative baskets held scented bath gel and candles, NOT Disney Princess bubbles and Little People toys.

Lisa: I dream of having the space for something called decorative baskets. I don’t care what they are filled with. I am lucky to fit a small trash can next to the toilet. But it is a space to call my own, even if it is because it holds only one person at a time.

Ashley: Well, maybe you can cry about it in your giant kitchen with your 27 foot long island with the restaurant grade lighting and double refrigerators. Don’t you even have multiple sinks, too! Oh, and I forgot your built-in desk, too!

Lisa: The little sink is just a prep sink, so that hardly counts! And I would love my island more if it served any other purpose than a backpack receptacle and free form file cabinet for all school forms, papers, and art projects. And you know I can’t actually work at my desk because it looks like the before picture on an episode of Hoarders!

Ashley: Oh yeah, I have all that clutter, too, without all your extra annoying counter space. But I know you secretly covet my 2001 blueberry wallpaper. Honestly, what was I thinking? I don’t even like to eat blueberries much less look at them covering my entire kitchen wall surface. Like with your bathroom, my kitchen upgrade has been pushed back to the year…20never.

Lisa: Mmmmm, blueberries, your kitchen always makes me hungry. Do you have any snacks in your car?

Ashley: I have some day old Goldfish and a petrified french fry or two.

Lisa: I’ll take the Goldfish, but you’ll have to walk them over here, because I am not wearing shoes, and my shirt has a hole in it. 

Ashley: Sorry, no can do. I’m not wearing actual street clothes, and I haven’t had a shower today.

Lisa: Oh well, I’ll just wait until I get home. By the way, did you ever find the dance video form I left at your house last week?

Ashley: Of course not, because it is buried under a pile of bills and school papers on my dining room table. And by dining room table, I mean my desk. 

Lisa: I hear you. My dining room table still has the dregs of our school supplies, and I think maybe a leftover box from the car raffle. This is why neither one of us ever host dinner parties, isn’t it? Well, that and the fact that every other piece of furniture in both of our houses has been chewed, peed on, or otherwise “improved” by our kids.

Ashley: Dinner parties?! We can’t even let people come in our front doors! Both of our dining rooms are the first places you see in our actual entry halls. Everyone thinks we are being nice and casual by having them come in the back door, but really we are just attempting to hide the dining room. Okay, now I am just depressed. Is there hope for us at all? Do you think we will ever have nice things or uncluttered houses again?

Lisa: Well…no. But that’s okay because if we had nice things that were always neat and organized we would have to spend all of our free time making sure they didn’t get ruined. This would really take a chunk out of our time browsing on Facebook finding funny somecards. 

Ashley: Good point. We don’t need the pressure of nice things anyway!

 Point proven! We couldn’t deny you this, could we?

 

 

 

 

 


Comments

For the Love Of God…Use the Backdoor — 103 Comments

    • You can just tell by looking at her that Barbie would have a thing for roomy tub bathing! Have you ever seen her Dream House?!
      We’re never having a relaxing bath again, are we? :)

  1. OMG, this is the best blog post I have ever read. EVER. PERIOD! The love I have for both of you knows no bounds. You have found the way to my heart. I LOVE the pictures of what looks exactly (I mean EXACTLY) like my house. I have Ashley’s bathroom (no weight bench but free weights) and really, really want Lisa’s kitchen but who am I kidding…my kitchen collects clutter now. I can only imagine if I had that beautiful island. Dining room and back door…priceless!

    • You know what’s scary, AnnMarie? By chance, both of us had actually straightened up our respective homes the morning those photos were taken before we knew what we would be writing about that day. That is the very best it gets. It would be helpful if we just went ahead and installed doorbells at our back doors is what I’m saying!

  2. BAHAHAHAHAHA! This is awesome and SO TRUE for so many of us! Hey, at least you guys have furniture! My dining room and sitting room are empty and will probably stay that way til 20never.

    • Hahahahahahaha! But look at it this way, Ashley. An empty room still has the promise of beautiful furniture one day.

      If you could pan down on one of those dining room tables you’d see a pedestal let completely misshapen by mongrel dog teeth. It’s best years are in the rear view mirror, and it’s not going anywhere.

      We have no hope for a nice table. We can only hope the dog will chew the other pedestal leg into a similar matching shape to preserve the symmetry.

    • Since I’ve had kids, I’ve discovered that whatever size home I have, the clutter just spreads out to fill the space. It’s got a mind of its own! Thanks for reading!

  3. Love the big island!! Even with the clutter, I’d take it! We have been discussing adding on a master suite (with a garden tub of course) to our house for 8 years now. Thanks for the fun “20never” – now I’ll smile when we discuss for the 400th time how we’re going to start our project “sometime” in the next 2 years. I guess our 1750 square foot abode for our family of five is just going to have to be ok for awhile. At least we have granite in the kitchen – that makes me happy. :)

    • Ooooh…adding on a master suite! That sounds divine and totally awesome! Come on, economy!! We’ve got dreams and the Pinterest boards to support them!! Help us out here!! :)

  4. I love the title of this! I am often appalled by how long I will let something stay in one place without touching it. But I do have to say that is one rockin’ kitchen, Lisa, but I like that it is balanced out by the bathroom so that I’m not inspired to make a voodoo doll in your likeness. I don’t have the time for that.

    If you want to make yourself feel better, hop on ever to My Life and Kids. Anna runs a Messy House link. I love it. http://mylifeandkids.com/messy/

    Thanks for the shout out, Ladies!
    Ellen

    • BWAHAHAHAHA! Voodoo doll! Oh, yes…the bathroom is totally balances out the mix (as does the rest of the house, actually). You can’t appreciate from the picture is that, if you stand in the doorway and hold your arms straight out, you can touch the sliding door of tub/shower.

      Thanks so much for the Messy House link. We submitted! :)

  5. This is a really funny conversation. Like the pictures, good job on the captions identifying the mysterious items. The card at the end made me laugh!

  6. HI-LAR-IOUS!!!! I LOVED looking at the pictures and “listenning” to your conversation during pick up!! I totally get that!! Btw- I really really REALLY want that island! However, I would have to put it in my back yard because it wouldn’t fit in my kitchen! God bless YOU girls for showing your beautifully “worn” homes!!! We ALL have the same ones!!! ;)

    • Thanks so much, Chris. We both get so used to seeing the clutter around our homes we don’t even really see it anymore. We’d probably think we entered the wrong house if it was ever gone. ;)

    • Oh, Single Mom. You don’t honestly think a kitchen with blueberry wallpaper would have the luxury of double ovens, do you? NOPE!! What you are actually seeing in that picture is the microwave that sits on top of the one and only oven in the kitchen. That’s fine, but it’s sadly no double oven situation!!!

  7. I love this! LOVE! The only thing I’m sad about is not participating IN the conversation with you guys. But I guess that’s what this post is for. ;)

    I can’t remember the last time I took a bath, and lately I just don’t clean the bathtubs and tell my daughter she can’t and has to shower because I am just not up to it. Or something.

    The pics are fantastic, too. Seriously. Cracking me up. You can imagine what my own home looks like. Oy.

    Oh – I didn’t forget about my request for a guest post! I just got knocked out with a sinus infection and fell off the social media wagon for a few days. Talk soon!

    • We’re with you, Andrea. When in doubt, just shower instead. (And when the clutter pile gets too massive, just divide it into two smaller piles. Works like a charm!)

      Sorry you have been battling a sinus infection. They are the WORST. Feel better!

    • Thanks, Paula. It’s just as well that neither of us actually has a decorator, because you know they wouldn’t be speaking to us after this! :)

  8. I really, really enjoyed this blog post. No, I don’t have children and my house has no clutter, matter of fact, I may be one of the OCD people that you should invite over! But I can imagine when I get married and have kids my home will look similar to your pictures and description. The clutter makes the house a home. My parents always call my house a museum because it looks un-lived. By the way, your captioned pictures are awesome!

    • You have an open invitation any time, Jai! We love your idea that the clutter makes a house a home because it makes us feel less guilty! We’d both love to be told, even if it’s just once, that our house was like a museum. We’re not holding our breath though. :)

  9. Asking about the snacks that are offered in the carline trips me out – the no shoes/shower and hole are spot on.
    The arrows pointing to the items is HILARIOUS!!! LOVE the buried exercise book.
    This is such a great article idea – LOVED IT!

    • I am so lucky that Ashley has a younger child than I do because she usually has more snacks on hand in the car. (but whether either of us are in a good enough state to get out of the car is *always* in question)

  10. OK, that one made my day! So glad I found this one on Finding the Funny. Those pictures were perfect- love the bathtub one. It reminds me of ours, which I often refer to as the Lesbian Pool Party. Hilarious- I am a new fan, now- great job!

    • Exactly. People coming over is just about the ONLY thing that can get us motivated to do any sort of picking up…and that’s more related to terror than anything else.

  11. Love this! My husband and I always joke that flat surfaces at our house just have a way of attracting random bags, papers, boxes – everything! As soon as a space is clear, something appears. It’s like magic.

    • Yep. It’s just like magic! Which really means that it’s futile to ever straighten up–more junk will just appear! Now I feel 100% better!!

  12. ROFL! Awesome, just awesome! :) I think I’ve had similar convos before with my sister. LOL :) Thanks for the laugh. It’s so nice to be able to laugh rather than cry about the things in our lives that mark us as moms that in NO WAY fit the Martha Stewart personna. :) Love it!

    • Thanks, Sheila! High School Math! Awesome! Neither of us counts math among our particular talents, so we are impressed!! :)

    • Waaaaay to familiar to us too, Robin.
      Just yesterday we were wanting to make a funny thing for Facebook and needed a background image of a messy room for the graphic. We said, “Should we look on one of the stock photo sites or just get our camera out and take a picture of one of our own rooms.” Yep, that was an easy decision.

  13. Sounds all too familiar! It’s like reading a script of my sister and I talking LOL :D Just before I hopped on the computer (otherwise known as my avoidance tactic) I looked around the house thinking “how does this even happen?” I mean who could have thought that a sock could be found in the fridge?! Or that I might find my missing housecoat belt tied to my sons doorknob? I feel for Lisa and her small bathroom! There are 5 of us in this house and this one tiny little shoebox bathroom! With a teenage girl in the house, it’s getting smaller and smaller each and every day!!

    • Missing robe belt on the doorknob–oh, I can’t stop laughing! That is TOTALLY something you could find at either of our houses.

      (and I’m totally going to have to move before my daughter reaches her teen years! This bathroom cannot take it!)

    • Thanks, Maggie. Your post on SITS made me laugh and laugh. I actually hate when people come traipsing through my garage to deliver packages or ask for money, etc. So funny!

  14. Bahahaha…I’m dying over here! I had an almost identical conversation with my best friend just the other day. The kids are especially skilled at taking over the bathroom (even when I’m in it for crying out loud)! Thanks for sharing this and making me giggle! Happy SITS day! =)

    • It is AMAZING how the kids can take over every piece of decent house real estate, isn’t it?! Thanks for stopping by, Sara!

  15. Thank you so much for this! I was actually just looking at home decor on Pinterest and inwardly sobbing about how my house looks nothing like Pinterest. I wish that I could solely blame the kids for this, but sadly a good portion of the recklessness is of my own doing. Visiting from SITS!

    • We can’t possibly be held to Pinterest level standards! (for anything really! I mean not just the houses but have you SEE the hairstyles and nails over there?)
      Any time you need reassurance just realize that our houses were at their very best in the photos above. It is usually much, much worse!

  16. I still haven’t found my three-hole punch! I was going to make a new year’s resolution to be better at keeping the house picked up and working up towards giving the kids a hot breakfast three times a week. Now I’m thinking dim the lights and buy some Cheerios! Thanks for the laugh! Happy New Year!

    • We could not agree more, Ashley. The idea of making “try to keep the house neater” a New Years resolution filled us with dread. We want to actually look forward to the new year!!!

      Happy New Year…and dim the lights completely!! :)

  17. I found you on Fadras Blogmas list – LOVE this post! But, um,mneither of you have room to complain: wanna see clutter? Check out my 2 bedroom, 3rd floor WALK UP, that I’ve crammed 2 adults, a preschooler, a toddler, and a dog into. Oh! And a frog aquarium on the bathroom counter… We’re going to have to start shoveling paths soon, I think!

    • Oh my Gosh Sarah, you lost me at the frog aquarium…I am totally afraid of them and the mere thought of that tumbling over and thus freeing frogs into my home would give me nightmares! ;) Thank you so much for visiting! :)

  18. OMG, where have you been all my life? Stopping by from Honest Mom’s linky and I am soooo glad I did! I’m so glad I’m not alone. My house isn’t big enough to have an actual entryway or foyer so there’s no hiding anything. If someone knocks on our door, I just go into ninja mode trying to get the kids to “be silent, be still!” One day, though, I tell ya! One day, I will be able to let someone in my house! =)

    • That is our goal, too, Ashley. Some day we will be able to let someone in our homes, too…someday! ;)

  19. Visiting from Honest Mom’s link up, and this is hysterical. You’re making me feel much better about my small New England, 100 year old home with just one bathroom. We may not have multiple places to pee, but I can at least keep the clutter to a lower level! :)

  20. I work from home which some people thinks must mean I have a spotless house but no, I WORK from home. Nothing gets done in our house and I get to wade through the mess all day long. You house makes mine look neat.

    • Thanks Suzie…they don’t really feel like our own with all the children in them all the time! ;)

  21. I just wanted to drop in and say that I love your blog. I am just starting out and have so much to learn, and I hope I can keep checking your blog as I keep trying to figure out this whole “mommy blog” thing. On a personal level, that post from the other day that had the pictures of your bathrooms, kitchens, etc. made me feel AWESOME because I am not the only one who has a house that looks like a tornado came right through. (And by tornado, I mean my two girls!!) Why do they drop all that stuff all over the place, anyway?

    Anyway, just wanted to say I’m a fan. Thanks for making a great blog!

    • Thank you SO MUCH Jessica! We are SO GLAD to have you here and really appreciate your sweet comment! :)

  22. I have no idea how I stumbled upon this post but glad I did! I have never been diagnosed but I think I have a mild case of OCD!
    The post was funny…but…………I couldn’t get past the clutter. I would love to show up at your places and organize, organize, organize!! I would organize even the kids and the toys in Ashley’s bathrooms…and then I can sleep and dream of unicorns and all would be right with the world!

    • You have no idea how much we’d love to have you come over and get our places organized, Khloe! Then you could help us actually decorate! It would be a dream come true!!

    • This is exactly why we posted our pictures. If one person looks at our mess and says, “Hey, at least I’m not as bad as them” our work here is done. We have to watch Hoarders to get that feeling ourselves.

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