Math Doesn’t Lie After All

I’m 43. I’m *totally* fine with that.

No, really…I am. I am one of those women who just doesn’t think much about aging. I didn’t bat an eye when I turned 30 or have a existential crisis at 35. I didn’t even feel like I’d passed a particular milestone when I turned 40. It didn’t phase me a bit. I’m just one of those lucky people who is just not hung up on aging. That’s what I thought until:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Robert, Lucy, and I were driving to Bobby’s football game. Robert asked me if my ankle hurt because he wanted to know if it was going to rain. (Okay, I guess I should interject here that I KNOW that it’s supposed to be only the very old who can tell the weather by their various aches and pains. I always envision a granny rocking on the front porch doing this. But….I broke my ankle a few years back, and I can do it too, despite the fact that I’m only 43. My ankle is actually more accurate at predicting rain than the Acuvue Radar of the local TV station). I told him we were in the clear the next 12-24 hours.

Here’s where it turned dicey for me. I added, “You’re lucky you have a wife who can predict weather for you even though she’s only 43. Most husbands have to wait until their wives are really old for that!”

Robert: Yes, it’s really helpful…but you’re 44.

Me (confidently): No, honey. I’m only 43. I’m not going to be 44 until April.

Robert (wearing a confused expression which indicated he wasn’t sure if I was serious or not—a look I’ve seen many times in our 18 year marriage): Lisa, you’re 44. You’ll be 45 on your next birthday.

Okay…what the hell was going on here? I DO NOT have a thing about age, but this was starting to really tick me off. Plus, by this time he was wearing a stupid bemused grin and looking like he was about to laugh. I’d had enough. I began ticking off the decades on my fingers.

Me: Okay, I was born in 1968 so…’78…’88…’98…2008 (that’s 40 so I began ticking off single years)….2009, 2010, 2011, OH MY GOD WHAT IS HAPPENING?????

At this point, I was starting to feel distressed. Robert had a point that the math was working out to make it *seem* like I was 44, but I wasn’t falling for that. I mean, you can use statistics to prove any point you want and THAT is math. So, I turned to Lucy in the back seat. She had her headphones on listening to JB (that’s Justin Bieber for the uninitiated) and hadn’t heard a word we’d been saying.

Me: Lucy, how old am I?

Lucy: Um…you’re 44.

This was getting serious. I was 43, and I KNEW it. Robert probably caught her eye in the rear view mirror and mouthed that answer to her. Lucy loves a good joke. So I did the most logical thing I could think of next. I pulled out my phone and called Ashley. She’d never try to trick me into believing I was a year older than I was. She had my back. I was 100% certain of this.

Ashley: Aren’t you supposed to be at the football game?

Me: We’re almost there. I have a quick question.  How old am I?

Ashley (without a moment of hesitation): You’re 44.

Me: OMG…WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME THIS BEFORE?

Ashley: Oh, um….because I thought you knew?

Well, that did it. I was definitely 44. FORTY FOUR. Now I have nothing against 44. It’s not a bad age at all. It’s just that I was 43 only a few minutes ago, and now I’m suddenly a whole year older, and it isn’t even my birthday. That’s just HARSH.

As I sat in the bleachers I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Just a few hours ago I was 43 which is practically the same thing as being 40. You’re just barely scratching the surface of your 40s, after all. But now suddenly I was going to be 45 on my next birthday which is practically like being 50. That’s almost old enough to get yourself on the AARP mailing list. So, despite the fact that age doesn’t mean a thing to me, I thought about it all the way home, too. I could hardly even concentrate on my reality TV shows that evening after the kids went to bed. Was I was one of those people who got upset about aging now?

I was still feeling a little out of sorts about the whole thing when I got on the elliptical machine the next morning. I dutifully pressed the start button and waited for the prompts. (You know, the elliptical asks you questions so it can calculate your perfect heart rate and keep you working out in the aerobic zone).

THEN THE BEST THING HAPPENED!!

 

 

My elliptical asked me for my age…just like it always does.

 

 

 

 

Suddenly, I felt my spirits lift. YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS, DON’T YOU?  All this time I’d been entering 43 for my age and my elliptical had been dutifully calculating and keeping me working out so my heart rate would be in the right range for a 43 year old. BUT I AM 44!!!!  A 44 year old heart shouldn’t be working out to the exhausting standards of a 43 year old heart! You guys, I’ve been totally overworking myself!!! I need to be taking it down a notch! SCORE! This was just the incentive boost I needed to embrace my non-birthday related advancing age.

I’m 44. It turns out I’m *totally* fine with that after all!

 

 

Mama’s Losin’ It


Comments

Math Doesn’t Lie After All — 47 Comments

  1. Like Stacie, my husband always forgets his age as well, but he seems to tack on an extra year (perhaps because I am 9 months older he feels the need to compensate?) Glad you found a way to embrace being “newly” 44!

    • Thanks, Bev. I’ve done that too, actually. I went from 36 to 38 in my mind skipping 37 completely. I was excited that I got to be 38 two years in a row. I didn’t want to mention that in the article so I didn’t seem so flighty or age careless. ;)

  2. Laughing my butt off over here. I did the opposite over here for the last year. I kept telling people I was 43 when someone reminded me that I was 42. Crap. I kept thinking I look great for 43…but if I am 42…well, I look like crap for 42. That picture on top, how did you do that? You are beautiful for both 43 and 44!

    • Hahahaha! You look FANTASTIC for *any* age, AnnMarie! I don’t know what you mean about the picture. I didn’t do anything but just take two pictures! ;)

      Sorry…I couldn’t help myself. It’s actually the “Aging Booth” app on my iPhone. I highly recommend it. Last Thanksgiving, our entire extended family spent the better part of an hour or two taking pictures of one another so we could age and bald each other.)

  3. So funny. I do mess like that all of the time. I love how you reconciled it with your soul via the elliptical. Good stuff.

    So, getting back to a comment you made over at our blog, you’re a doctor? Do give me some details! Are you still practicing? Ellen

    • Thanks, Ellen!
      Yep, I’m a physician (Internal Medicine), but I’m not practicing right now. I went to Vanderbilt for med school and did residency there, too. I practiced for awhile in Nashville doing primary care, but haven’t done that since we moved to Charlotte. My medical experience these days is confined to carting the kids to the pediatrician these days! :)

  4. So funny! My mom got my age wrong (in the “wrong” direction) last year on Facebook and I had to seriously think about it before I challenged her! Age is trivial! I am 36, but definitely feel like I am 35.5!!!

    • Hahaha! I was *positive* my husband was aging me up so I challenged him right away. Him being right was one of the most irritating things about this whole deal. I don’t feel a day over 43.5 either! :)

    • Thanks, John. Good point! That’s how I’m going to think about it from now on. It makes me feel wild. (I totally missed the wild child phase of my 20s so I’ve got to make up for it now, at least in my head)

  5. SO cute!! I always have those “senior moments” (oy, I just threw up a little in my mouth) and forget which number I am on! Here’s the great news Lisa… ready for it?
    45 is SOOOO MUCH EASIER TO REMEMBER! I don’t know – but it’s right in the middle where the earlier numbers where all blurry for me too! Just wait til 45 girlfriend! There’s something to look forward to!! It’s SOOOO MUCH BETTER!!! ;)

  6. For some reason I hated turning 29. Besides hating all odd numbers, it felt like a pathetic last ditch effort to stay in the 20s. I’m looking forward to 30 next month just to take it on the chin and get it done.

    • 30 is awesome, Robin. It’s a wonderful age and your 30s will be a fantastic decade! You have lots of life experience and wisdom, and you still have the energy to act on it. It’s great! You’ll enjoy it! :)

  7. Hahaha…this so funny! :D But I really hope this never happens to me and I find out I lost a whole year because if it does, there’s no saving me. Also, I hope I feel the way you do about aging.

    • I admit it was disconcerting to age an entire year in the space of a short car ride. Hopefully you can keep track of your years better than I have so you won’t have to deal with that!
      Aging isn’t so bad! Yes, you may need reading glasses to see the very fine print. (I totally do and it *is* irritating) But, the kids will keep you up to date on good music and pop culture so you’ll feel no different than you do now just more and more comfortable in your skin—which is a really great thing nobody really talks about that happens.

      Thanks to the miracles of science, you never even have to get gray hair unless you want it. (I have friends who have some gray and it’s beautiful. But, as long as I can get to a salon or at least get to a pharmacy to get some Clairol, I’m staying brunette. Yes I am.)

  8. I’m glad I could be of assistance. At least this time I didn’t convince you that you were a year older than you really are. Oh and I forgot to tell you…your AARP invitation came in the mail yesterday.

    • Awesome! Put the invitation on the pile on my desk! I hear their members get great discounts for things around town. Marrying an older woman is really paying off for you, isn’t it!

  9. {Melinda} You have my sympathy!! I am 43, too (REALLY!) And I’m not too hung up on the age thing either. Except every once in a while it hits me — like today, my blogging partner and I were trying to do our first vlog. I kept adjusting the lighting and working on my makeup because I just didn’t like the way I looked. Then I realized — it’s not your makeup or the lighting. You’re just looking your age! Which is no longer “Spring Chicken” territory. Thats okay. I wouldn’t relive all those hard lessons of my 20′s and 30′s for anything! With age, comes wisdom (if not math skills!)

    • Hahahaha, Melinda!
      Ashley is determined for us to vlog. I am thus far resistant, but I don’t know how long I can hold her off. I’m definitely coming to you for tips when the time comes!

  10. You know, I was laughing throughout most of this until i realized…um, I’m going to be 44 next year, which means I’ll be closer to 45, which is basically 50, which means I’ll be able to sign up for AARP mailings. Then I wasn’t laughing so much. =)

    • Hahahahaha! Oh, Mimi! You are *ACTUALLY* only 43!!! What I wouldn’t give for those carefree days of 43! Relish it while you can!

    • Thanks, Kat! It took me a little longer than average to find the silver lining here, but I’m glad I finally found it! Whew! Thanks for stopping by!

    • Well… it was either figure out how it was a positive or be depressed from here on out ! :) Thank goodness for the elliptical machine!

  11. LOL! Man, I thought I was all young because I like ombre hair and then you had to go and link to this post, which totally undoes all the good the other post did to my internal Youth-o-meter. I always forget whether I’m 37, 38, or 39! Great! The only upside I can find is that maybe I’ll continue to think I’m one of those three ages after I’m actually 40.

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