You might remember that back in January, I mentioned how my mom, Cookie, wasn’t very good with technology. You could even say I mocked her. Not meanly–I mean, Hey! I’m not crazy! I want to be invited to Thanksgiving dinner– But, well…maybe mocked just a bit.
Well, it’s true confession time here at The Dose of Reality. I am going to share with you my own brand of technological ineptitude. It regards a little thing you probably use every day. It’s likely you mastered it the first time you used it. In fact, you’ll probably think that I should not be mocking anyone if I can’t master this simple little component of our daily technological lives. Yeah, you’re probably right.
So what is this technological hell beast that eludes me?
In my own defense, I really hate call waiting, and it doesn’t even stem from my inability to properly use it (mostly)! I dislike it as a concept. It’s irritating to be in the middle of a serious discussion about The Bachelor and miss the point Ashley was making as to why HotSean! should pick Catherine over Lindsay, all because of that little hitch in the call that let’s you know someone else is beeping in. ANNOYING!
It’s also rude when you think about it. Have you ever been on a call and someone announces, “Oh, I’ve got to put you on hold. The dog groomer is beeping in”. I can’t help thinking, “What? I don’t rank higher than the dog groomer? Wait, I don’t even think you have a dog!” See, call waiting makes it obvious where you fall in someone else’s call priority list. That’s not always information you really want to know.
Then there are the people who put you on hold forever. How long are you expected to wait for someone to get back to your call? If it’s been more than 5 minutes should I just hang up or does hanging up make me a jerk? What’s the protocol here?
It’s possible that my extreme dislike for this feature has caused a block in my mind because here is what happens every time I try to use the call waiting feature:
Me: So, do you think Tierra will show up on The Bachelor: The Women Tell All show next week?
Ashley: Of course she will. She’s a fame ho. She’s not missing another chance in the spotlight.
Me: Good point! I thought I read somewhere she was holding out. They’ve got to convince her. That show won’t be the same without her variety of sparkle.
Ashley: I read *pause* and then *pause* shirtless so *pause*… Can you believe it?
Me: Oh! I didn’t catch any of that. Robert is trying to call on the other line. I’ll call him back later. So, what were you saying?
Ashley: Oh, you won’t believe it, but *pause* under the *pause* with a monkey *pause*… So shocking, right?
Me: GAH! Wait..I missed that! Robert is trying to beep in again. Let me just see what he wants. Can you hold on?
I then press a button on my phone.
Ashley: Nope, it’s still me.
Me: Sorry. Hang on. I’ll get it this time.
I press a different button on the phone.
Ashley: Nope, it’s still me. I think you need to press the flash button.
Me: Oh, thanks. Which one is that?
Ashley: The one that says flash.
Me: Okay, got it. Hold on.
I press the flash button.
Robert: Hi! Do you have a minute?
Me: Not really. I’m having an important blog meeting on the phone with Ashley right now. I’ll call you back in about 30 minutes. Okay?
Robert: Okay. Love you. Bye!
Me: Love you. Bye!
I press the talk button to get back to Ashley…
But what I hear is not Ashley. It’s the dial tone. I’ve somehow disconnected the call. That’s what happens Every.Single.Time.
Now you might think I just need to read my phone’s owner’s manual and figure out how to use the call waiting feature. That would be a good idea but A. I’m too lazy to do that and B. the same thing happens if I’m on my cell phone, too. In fact, I haven’t been able to reconnect to the person who was on hold since about 2002 no matter what phone I’m using.
So basically, I’m resigned to the fact that I’ve become Debbie Reynolds in “Mother”.
It could be worse. At least Debbie Reynolds is a legend.