This Should Get Us On Oprah!

It doesn’t even matter that Oprah doesn’t have her show anymore. For this news, she’ll bring it back for a one day special. We just know it.

She’ll totally want to do a behind the scenes filmed at our houses, until she sees even our junk piles have junk piles. But that’s even better, because then we’ll have to go to her house! Squee!

The Dose of Oprah

No, we weren’t busted in a suburban mom prostitution ring (Note to self: Google “going rate for madams”). No, we haven’t decided that sister-wives are the way to go (Neither one of us can cook. You’ve got to have at least one person cooking for all those kids). No, we haven’t had an ultimate bra makeover (But we’re totes open to the idea. Call us Nordstrom!).

The reason is even less probable!

We are going to be published authors. In a book. An actual one. Not one stapled together with construction paper made by our kids. A real book you can put on a book shelf and everything!

WE KNOW, Right??!!!

Several months ago we were asked to submit an essay for consideration in an anthology that Jen of People I Want to Punch In the Throat was putting together featuring “funny mom bloggers writing their most hilarious essays ever”.  Yes. That Jen. That People I Want to Punch In the Throat. The one that is up for best blog of the year on The Bloggies.

After we picked ourselves off the floor from the shock, we decided to give it a whirl. Why not! We knew we wouldn’t get picked, but we both take rejection really well! (Total lie. We both sob and take to our beds for days at a time.)

So we put on our coziest jammies, sat down at the computer, and prepared to let the magic flow!

Cricket

Yeah, it turns out that it’s damn near impossible to be funny on command. At least for us.

So we gave up.

Then our kids got sick and that was that. There would be no writing. No funniness. No nothing.

Except we’re not quitters. Does Tina Fey sob in the corner when the monologue isn’t writing itself? Wait, we don’t know. She might be kind of fragile. BUT WE’RE NOT!

So we tried again. This time we brought out the big guns. We tied on our fanciest yoga pants, grabbed our Starbucks, and got to work. For REAL this time.

And when she picked our essay, we looked like this:

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So, without further ado, let us present to you…

I Just Want to Pee Alone

Book Front Cover

Our friend, Johi of Confessions of a Cornfed Girl, said it best, “It seems so fitting our first publication is in a book with a toilet on the cover”. Yep, us too!

The essays themselves are top secret until the book is officially released later this month, but here are a few of the contributors. You should check them out so you can start laughing now! (We’ll be bringing you more in the weeks to come).

Baby Sideburns

Rants from Mommyland

The Divine Secrets of a Domestic Diva

Nurse Mommy Laughs

I Love Them the Most When They’re Sleeping

So, call us Oprah! We’re available!

 


Comments

This Should Get Us On Oprah! — 76 Comments

  1. Congrats, ladies, that’s awesome!! I’m so excited you for and I am now super intrigued to see what your essay is about. Woot woot!

  2. How exciting congrats ladies!! I will be buying upon release!! So cool that you guys are published authors! Real deal!!!

  3. That is awesome! I’ll be sure to check out those blogs (I love me some funny blogs!), and I’ll be picking up copies of the books for all my mommy friends! Congrats!!

  4. “It’s the Doooooooooooooose Giiiirrrllllls!!” (That was my Oprah impression…too bad it doesn’t come across the screen like it does in my mind). Love this post – especially the cricket. Hilarious! Congrats!! I’m honored to be included with you girls! :)

  5. That is the greatest news ever!!!! Whoop whoop!! Can’t wait to read it!! Congrats to two well deserved funny moms!

  6. SO EXCITED FOR YOU BOTH! Yes, all caps because I am in a meeting reading this and cannot squeal outloud with delight!! So excited….cannot wait to get my signed copy…and with enough notice, I would love to fly in for the big book signing event !! Or better yet, let’s set one up in Houston!! Or both!!! Seriously, congrats to you both!!

  7. I was thrilled to find out the Dose Girls would be in Jen’s book, too! You know I love you guys, and think you are hi-larious. You’re so right about being funny on command. It’s hard!

    Congratulations, again. You two rock.

  8. Before I get to congratulating the two of you, can we pause to laugh at that photoshopped pic?!? ROTFLcracking up! Very proud of you. I’m just going to live through you all. Your accomplishments are mine too. I think this deserves a slice of cheesecake and glass of wine after work. Hooray!!!! Congratulations ladies!

  9. I would love to have that picture of you two with Oprah and my head photobombing in the back! Selfish of me, totally! But at least I would be with you two awesome writers and the O!!! Great photshop. Love. You are the sisters I never had, but always dreamed of! Move westward!! :)

  10. When you get on the O (cause you will get there) shout out my name and blog lol. Congrats I can’t wait to read what you all are cooking up.

  11. That’s great! Be sure and let us know when it is out, I’ll get a copy on Amazon. May need you guys to autograph it.

  12. This is really great you guys, being published is really an achievement. Just think, now you’ll be in the Library of Congress.

  13. Congratulations!!! So VERY excited for you both!

  14. Oh my god!!!! Congratulations!! I’m super jealous but am more excited for you than I am jealous. I think.

    Seriously, that is so awesome! Can’t wait to read it!!

  15. I was looking for O’s comment, but I’m sure she just called you directly. (Yes, I call her O. We’re tight like that.) Congrats on your publication! You definitely make me laugh!

  16. This is so exciting! And no, I never for one minute would have thought you guys would sob in the corner when the funny was not writing itself. And I do believe Oprah might come back for an encore – just to have you guys on! If I were Oprah, I would totally do that for you! xo

  17. Sooooo exciting! Congrats guys! When you’re famous, (or are you actually famous NOW? I think you probably kind of are), I’m going to be like – I ate Chex Mix with Ashely one time at this one meeting we had when we wrote for this website that doesn’t actually exist anymore!

  18. I’m so doing a happy dance for you! Right in the middle of work. When people ask why I’m letting them know that two women I’ve never met in real life are getting published in a book! Virtual squeeling all around!

  19. I’m so thrilled for you and happy and ecstatic and excited and gosh darn loopy that you can add “published author” to your repertoire. Way to GO!! Followed you from SITS. Have a blessed day!

  20. We are totally overwhelmed by the awesomeness of these comments and swear we will not let it go to our heads!! (much, anyway!) 😉 For all of you who are planning to buy the book, we will let you know THE SECOND it is available so you can order one for every single person you know! 😉 Thank you all so much!!

  21. Congrats on the publication! Y’all definitely deserve it! I’m going to have to check out the other bloggers (already in love with Rants from Mommyland…creater of one of my favorite words- “WHUCK!” –best said slowly with a hint of surprise!)

  22. I’m so excited for this book, ladies! You guys rock. That you managed to say “totes” and “note to self: Google “going rate for madams” in the same paragraph? Your other fans are going to have to step aside–I’m heading up the fan club here.

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