It doesn’t even matter that Oprah doesn’t have her show anymore. For this news, she’ll bring it back for a one day special. We just know it.
She’ll totally want to do a behind the scenes filmed at our houses, until she sees even our junk piles have junk piles. But that’s even better, because then we’ll have to go to her house! Squee!
No, we weren’t busted in a suburban mom prostitution ring (Note to self: Google “going rate for madams”). No, we haven’t decided that sister-wives are the way to go (Neither one of us can cook. You’ve got to have at least one person cooking for all those kids). No, we haven’t had an ultimate bra makeover (But we’re totes open to the idea. Call us Nordstrom!).
The reason is even less probable!
We are going to be published authors. In a book. An actual one. Not one stapled together with construction paper made by our kids. A real book you can put on a book shelf and everything!
WE KNOW, Right??!!!
Several months ago we were asked to submit an essay for consideration in an anthology that Jen of People I Want to Punch In the Throat was putting together featuring “funny mom bloggers writing their most hilarious essays ever”. Yes. That Jen. That People I Want to Punch In the Throat. The one that is up for best blog of the year on The Bloggies.
After we picked ourselves off the floor from the shock, we decided to give it a whirl. Why not! We knew we wouldn’t get picked, but we both take rejection really well! (Total lie. We both sob and take to our beds for days at a time.)
So we put on our coziest jammies, sat down at the computer, and prepared to let the magic flow!
Yeah, it turns out that it’s damn near impossible to be funny on command. At least for us.
So we gave up.
Then our kids got sick and that was that. There would be no writing. No funniness. No nothing.
Except we’re not quitters. Does Tina Fey sob in the corner when the monologue isn’t writing itself? Wait, we don’t know. She might be kind of fragile. BUT WE’RE NOT!
So we tried again. This time we brought out the big guns. We tied on our fanciest yoga pants, grabbed our Starbucks, and got to work. For REAL this time.
And when she picked our essay, we looked like this:
So, without further ado, let us present to you…
I Just Want to Pee Alone
Our friend, Johi of Confessions of a Cornfed Girl, said it best, “It seems so fitting our first publication is in a book with a toilet on the cover”. Yep, us too!
The essays themselves are top secret until the book is officially released later this month, but here are a few of the contributors. You should check them out so you can start laughing now! (We’ll be bringing you more in the weeks to come).
So, call us Oprah! We’re available!