You guys KNOW how we feel about The Bachelor. We have lovingly written about it all season. We know we lose IQ points for every hour we watch, but we don’t care. Happiness always comes at a price. We also take a perverse pride that we have introduced many of our tender readers to the show. We have gotten comments like, “God help me, I think I might tune in next week thanks to you guys.” That’s how we know the work we do here at the blog really counts.
As you undoubtedly know, last night was the HotSean! season finale. We were thrilled when HotSean! selected Catherine from among all the hos on the show. She was always a favorite of ours. It was magical and lovely, just like a stupid Bachelor ending should be but never, ever is.
But now that the finale has run, the reign of HotSean! has come to an end. Now he’s just regular old Sean of Sean and Catherine. It’s okay. We’re fine with it. Toward the end he didn’t even take his shirt off all that much. Besides, you know he has to consume crates of raw eggs and no less than 8 chicken breasts a day to keep his protein intake at chest maintenance levels. We don’t have time for that falderal. We are ready to move on.
And we know without a shadow of a doubt who we want to move on with us. Yes, we do.
The next Bachelor needs to be: Arie Luyendyk Jr.
Now, if you read our opening post from this season, you already know our thoughts on Arie. Well, you know our rated G thoughts on Arie, anyway. He was the runner up on Emily’s Bachelorette season. It blows our minds that she released him back into the wild. We were surprised when she dumped Sean, but we were flabbergasted when she discarded Arie. Arie should come in second to nobody. EVER.
Here’s the thing: Arie is sexy personified. There is something about him that is a little bit dangerous in just the most delicious way. He smolders. Oh, how he smolders.
Arie doesn’t need an overly muscled chest to have it going on. Oh, he’s no slouch, but he doesn’t have time to spend 6 hours in the gym each day. He doesn’t have that time because he’s too busy kissing women.
Yes, that’s right. Arie is the best kisser in the universe. It’s been scientifically proven. You have an MD and and RN writing this post. We know our science, you guys.
Don’t believe us? Well, watch the video of Arie in action. Go ahead and make sure the kids have a fresh video on the T.V. before you press play. You’re not going to want to be interrupted.
It’s okay. Watch it a second time. We’ll wait. You deserve it.
There’s one other thing we haven’t mentioned that really gets us going about Arie. He is smart. YES! Not just “intelligent for The Bachelor”, but actually intelligent. He won’t be hauling out the dreaded “Her and I had fun on the date” like so many Bachelors before him who weren’t good at thinking.
And for the final cherry on top, Arie is REALLY funny. His tweets about the show have made our Bachelor season complete. The fact that we are on the same page with respect to Tierra and her eyebrow, was not lost on us either.
See what we mean? These are honestly just a few of the MANY hilarious tweets from him…we know this because we spend a fair amount of time
stalking casually reading his Twitter feed like completely normal people.
So, get on it Mike Fleiss. We’ve done your casting work for you. You’re welcome. Please don’t even think about disappointing us. We are loyal fans. We are among the 12 people who even watched every episode of the Deanna season. Also, two words: Ben Flajnik.
YOU OWE US, FLEISS.
We’ll just be here working out our special name for Arie during his season until we get the good news from you. SmolderingArie!…Don’tStopKissingArie!…ArieYesOhYes! We better go watch the video again to make sure we get it just right.