Home Alone 5: The Blogger Edition

This week is Spring Break for us. Lisa has decided to abandon me take a much deserved vacation with her family. Instead of sitting around feeling insanely jealous bitter hostile unhappy about being left behind to entertain my children all week at home alone (meaning without my bestie to call me daily and entertain me), I decided to look at it as an opportunity to let loose.

Did Tom Cruise cry into his pillow and text his parents that he missed them every two seconds when they went away for the weekend? I don’t think so. He did what any rational person would do (he used to be rational you know) and stripped down to his undies while rocking it out.

Since I strongly oppose my own public nakedness, I won’t take it that far, but I will push the envelope so to speak.

It’s like when your hubby is out of town and you are all, “Third bowl of Lucky Charms and a three hour Keeping Up With the Kardashians marathon, don’t mind if I do.” Sure you pay for it a bit the next morning when the kids wake you up at dawn, but oh it is worth it for those glorious hours of gluttony and brain wasting!

So this week, I might go a little crazy around here.

Lisa insists less is more, so she puts a 2 time a day limit on my celebrity tweeting. But this week is all me, all the time! If I want to tweet Arie our Bachelor post 50 times a day, who is going to stop me? P.S. Y’all should really tweet it to him, too, m’kay! Tell him we sent you!

Lisa’s always trying to reign in my complete obsession absolutely normal feelings for Ben Affleck! (He was totally robbed of the Oscar nomination for Best Director, y ‘all). Imagine her surprise when I take all the pennies big bucks we have made from blogging and buy a billboard on Hollywood Blvd. telling him that I was his first fan all the way back to Chasing Amy. Bet that’ll show her.

Sneaking over to Lisa’s house and using her hide-a-key to film a vlog where we go through her closet? Just say the word, and I will do it.

She tells me all the time that driving by Angie Harmon’s neighborhood (Angie totally lives in Charlotte, and could easily become my friend!) more than once a week is probably frowned upon. Well, this week is *my* Spring Break, too, Lisa, so maybe I will make it THREE times A DAY. There’s nobody here to say, “Blah, blah, blah restraining order” now!

I could even “accidentally” publish some of my favorite emails from Lisa that she sends to entertain me. Hey, that could be a whole post in and of itself. Looks like we have Thursday taken care of!

Finally, there has been something I have been dying to say on the blog for a while now. Sure, it might lose us some readers, but you know what…I don’t even care! Brace yourselves:

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(Whoa!!! Hello there, gentle readers! Thank goodness this hotel has WiFi! I thought it was best to redact that last paragraph. Ashley really didn’t mean it. She truly loves everyone. She’s just feeling a little tired and lonely. Don’t worry, I’ll be home on Friday. Until then, just write something soothing in the comments, okay? -Lisa)

And you know what? Since I finally got that off my chest, this image underscores my feelings perfectly. You’re welcome readers!

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(Yikes!! That other picture was deeply unfortunate. Please enjoy this adorable winky kitty from our “Squee” Pinterest Board instead. -Lisa)

 

 

 

So watch out world. Ashley is all alone with the keys to the blog and if you thought what I just said was over the top, just you wait. There is plenty more where that came from!

 

 


Comments

Home Alone 5: The Blogger Edition — 98 Comments

  1. The Angie Harmon thing is like when a certain former NFL head coach used to attend my church and I inadvertently sat next to him at the early service several times one summer. Then we passed the peace and I shook his hand. Poor Daddy was treated to all sorts of crazy texts! Hey, I was just proud that I recognized him BEFORE he signed his name in the pew book!

  2. Haha, this is just what I needed on I-feel-poopy-cauuse-I-have-a-darn-cold Monday morning. Thanks for putting a smile on my face, and try not to go too crazy this week, Ashley!

  3. Dude, “Chasing Amy”? I ADORE that movie, but what about old school Ben, back when he used to play a total douche – “School Ties” and “Dazed and Confused” and “Mallrats”!! (Can I say the “d” word here? Because seriously, Ben really needed a Jar a la Schmidt on “New Girl”.)

    Anywhoodle, let it all hang out, friend!! It’s cathartic! And when Momma Lisa comes home you can just pretend it didn’t happen. She won’t notice, right? RIGHT?

    • See, I can’t get on board with douche Ben, so I choose to believe his career began with Chasing Amy. Where when I think about the scene in the car with the painting and what he said, I cry. Every.Time.
      I am hoping she won’t notice…especially when I do the vlog! 😉

  4. A solo blogging week with billboards and no public nakedness – sounds perfectly fine to me. Enjoy your adventures, Ashley and Lisa! :)

  5. Vacation I plan on taking one next week when the kids go on spring break myself. I sure would like to know what she really said *side eye* lol

  6. Bring it on, solo blogger! Can’t wait to see what you’ve got! I had to laugh at her limit of 2 celebrity tweets a day- HA! I am reflecting longingly on last year’s Disney Vaca with the grandparents over spring break. As I sit here at my desk, staring out at miles of snow, I prepare myself for the fact that I am going TO WORK today on spring break to make up a class for when I had food poisoning. Guess I swallowed the bitter pill, too… 😉

    • We did Disney last year Spring Break, too Stephanie. Wish I was there right now! 😉 Dude, so sorry that you have to go to work…that is THE SUCK.

  7. Ooh, you tricked me! I was waiting for some drama!

    Do you know, I have never seen Chasing Amy. Between it having my name in the title, and my love for all things Ben, this is not right. I’m adding it to my Netflix queue right now.

    • Ummm, she blacked out my text Amy…if that is not drama, then I don’t know what is! 😉
      And truly, truly watch Chasing Amy tonight. And then report back your love for it!

  8. This totally cracked me up and I’m not going to lie, I was wanting to see you give it good to what’s going on in the world. :) I am headed to Florida to see the in-laws. We are trying to start fresh so this could either be wonderful or a disaster. Wish me luck. Lisa, have fun! Ashley, I will miss you since I won’t have access to my computer. My mornings will not be the same without you two. :(

    • Ha ha ha AnnMarie! Someday I will. Trust me! 😉 Good luck on your trip…CANNOT wait to hear about it when you return. Definitely let us know how it goes! We will miss you, too!

  9. “When the cat’s away the mice will play” or something like that. You’re no mice but you are letting loose. Look forward to a fun week at The Dose!

  10. Well for once I’m kinda happy it’s Monday morning so there’s still a week’s worth of your antics, Ashley! Also, Lucky Charms are my favorite thing and I never buy them because I WILL eat three bowls in one sitting.

    • I am totally addicted to them! I know this and yet they keep finding their way into my home! 😉 Glad we gave something to make Monday more tolerable! :)

  11. Enjoy your letting loose! And if you get a little tired and lonely like Lisa suggested you might be, I would totally keep you company until she gets back.
    (And Lisa, I would do the same for you any day.)

  12. I hope you have fun with all your freedom. But remember with freedom comes responsibility. No matter how desperate anyone is, there is never any reason to watch Kardashians. Do heroin, start a satanic cult, but no K’s.
    Ben was a douche but I still really like Dazed and Confused.

    • Hold on to your hat Janine…I am trying to figure out Lisa’s museum touring schedule so I can sneak in some extra goodies over here! 😉

  13. This is SO hysterical, I can only image what you have to say to us!! Now we know who the good cop and the bad cop is!! ha!

    I am slightly curious about Lisa’s closet. lol

    Vacation, WHAT is that?!

    • Ha ha ha Nellie! This made me laugh! :)
      And I am with you on a vacation, although since Lisa is with her children, I am thinking hers is more of a business trip! 😉

  14. So what are you going to do this week with your kids? Besides hoping the cops don’t see you driving around Angie Harmon’s neighborhood?

    • Yesterday we went to eat lunch with a friend of Emma’s from school and saw a movie. And then we got groceries. Today we are hanging out at home, doing laundry and cleaning. Clearly, we are living the dream!

  15. Hope Lisa enjoys that vacation.

    I have a friend who tweets celebs all week. It’s so random and oh boy when they respond…(you know, once every 3 months or so), she’s like SCOOORREEE, lol. You all are crazed.

    Go easy on us this week!

    • When a celeb responds to a tweet it is the greatest!! Seriously, SO COOL! :)
      I promise to only expose my tame self all week! 😉

  16. I must go loo, up flight information now. I need to go with you to drive by Angie Harmon’s house. Do you think we can go by 4 or 5 times though?

    • Totally! Although, I really have no idea where it is…I just assume it is where I think it is…so, Angie if you are reading this, don’t worry! 😉

    • Yes, yes, it does Leah! My how times have changed. Girls Gone Wild means my children won’t stop screaming! 😉

  17. Totally get the Lucky Charms/Kardashian thing! Every time my husband is on call, I go to bed right as soon as I put Stella to bed and catch up on my Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. I like to watch my trashy shows judge free! And, we’ll all be waiting on pins and needles for the vlog. You know you HAVE to do it now, right?!

    • My hubby came upstairs to our bedroom (the nerve of him!) last night while I was watching the beginning of The Voice and then totally started giving me a hard time about it…uh huh, guess whose eyes were glued to the screen the whole time! 😉

  18. I hope Lisa has fun.

    Last week was Spring Break here. It was nice not having to wake up early but I was ready for the kids to go back to school.

    • The not getting up (as) early is definitely a perk! The all day entertaining is already losing its luster! 😉

  19. OK I would totally let you guest post on my blog and would not filter your pics or words.. cause I am one of those people that are like psssht let it fly.. don’t want the truth don’t ask. Of course I am getting a makeover and new layout hopefully later this afternoon which will make it even more awesome. Yeah I don’t need a partner in blog but guest randomness is totally on board for me..

  20. Oh you girls are SO good! I am just finishing up our trip to see my parents here in Florida… so I have been limited on internet stuff. Ashley… you gotta be much more stealth if you are going to get stuff past that smarty-girl Lisa!!! I mean…BRING it!!!! I remember the day when that sweet yang to your ying was only editing all your posts before you were a duo! You see, ya gotta send her your “post” to edit and then publish your raw and fabulicious one when she is distracted looking at your ‘real post’… IDK. Lisa, are you reading this? Nevermind. I’ll email you Ashley! 😉 😉

    • Oh my Gosh, Chris, why didn’t I think of that??!! Would have been so much better! Hope you are having a fabulous trip to Florida! :)

  21. It’s so cool you live near a celebrity! I’ve met a bunch but couldn’t imagine living near any of them. I’d probably be the annoying neighbor showing up at all the ungodly hours for no made up reasons :)

  22. Seeing as it’s now the middle of the week, I can say, I’m quite proud of you Ashley for keeping it calm around here! :-) Lisa, enjoy the rest of your vacation!

  23. This is great! I think we can all emphasize with needing our best friend to reign us in now and again. Feel free to reach out if you need a sanity check!

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