You know what it’s like. You’re all ready to relax into to a nice evening starting with the comfort of your good-old standby Wheel Of Fortune. Except all of the sudden, the show opens and Vanna is sporting a lei around her neck and Pat is saying Aloha to all the contestants. You quickly realize that Wheel Of Fortune has kicked it up a notch with a Hawaiian theme week.
Well, we can’t afford to go to Hawaii. But since everyone in the nation has either just finished Spring Break, is currently on Spring Break, or will be on Spring Break next week, we decided to do a theme week around here, too. If it is good enough for Pat and Vanna, then it is good enough for The Dose Girls.
So welcome to:
Will it be totally glamorous? Will we be flitting in and out of exotic locations? Will we revel in the comfort of first class accommodations and perks? Will scantily clad pool boys be bringing us fruity drinks?
Uh, no. Remember we said this would be *The Dose of Reality* style. It will be more like waiting in long lines that never end, peeing in filthy public restrooms, and getting a swirly with blue plane toilet water.
So makes sure your seat is in the upright and locked position and your seat belt is fastened. We’re putting the pedal to the metal and taking the show on the road!
First up: The official I Just Want to Pee Alone Book Tour!!
You have heard of book tours, right? You know, when authors travel all around and sign their book for adoring fans in book stores…people line up for hours just to catch a glimpse of their favorite writer’s exact style of Sharpie. Well, not to be outdone, we did a book tour, too!
Except in our case, we didn’t go on tour *with* our book. Oh, no. (Remember this is The Dose of Reality style we’re talking here.) Our *book* went on a tour. By itself. Of the nation’s capitol!
Our little book started its tour of Washington, D.C. by taking a trip to The National Archives. It desperately wanted to be photographed with other documents of similar importance like the Magna Carta and the Declaration of Independence, but The Capitol Police frown upon flash photography in there. I Just Want to Pee Alone had to settle for a photo op outside.
Next the book went to hobnob with a real star! At The Museum of Natural History Pee Alone rubbed elbows with the iconic elephant that you may remember from the blockbuster The Night at the Museum movie. Note the sign right next to the book….
If you click on the photo, you can see that it says “Please don’t touch” right where the book is touching. Celebrities really do play by different rules than the rest of us.
Pee Alone *always* makes time to stop and chat with fans and this gentleman was no exception. Oh Dear. The book isn’t even that long. He probably just didn’t stop reading long enough to hydrate himself. Or he *literally* laughed himself to death.
You have to sneak in a little fun with your work or you will burn out. Here Pee Alone caught a 3D Movie with a date! But dates aren’t cheap, you know! Give the book some help in the romance department by purchasing I Just Want to Pee Alone right here for only $8.99! (glasses and movie date sold separately.)
Since Pee Alone couldn’t be photographed next to the biggies in the National Archives, she felt lucky to run in to another classic: Moby Dick! Wait…No, Moby Dick, don’t eat the book. The mermaid in the toilet is NOT REAL!!
Honest Abe and Pee Alone have been friends for years. “Four score and seven years ago, I read this fantastically hilarious book by a bunch of bloggers” was actually in one of the early drafts of The Gettysburg Address. Fact.
I Just Want to Pee Alone is about the only thing getting bipartisan support these days in the U.S. Capitol Building.
Buying I Just Want to Pee Alone is like supporting freedom. Just ask this piece of the Berlin Wall. You like freedom, don’t you? The commies win if you go Pee-less. Remember that.
If you’re a *really* big deal and you find yourself in D.C., there’s only one place you absolutely MUST visit. Excuse me Mr. President, but Pee Alone is here to see you!
After this, the book tour was cut short. Apparently the Secret Service gets “touchy” when you attempt to reach through the White House gates to secure a better photo. Who knew? Side note, was it *absolutely* necessary to tackle I Just Want to Pee Alone to the ground? Harsh.
P.S. Send bail money.