I Peed Alone In The Nation’s Capitol

You know what it’s like. You’re all ready to relax into to a nice evening starting with the comfort of your good-old standby Wheel Of Fortune. Except all of the sudden, the show opens and Vanna is sporting a lei around her neck and Pat is saying Aloha to all the contestants. You quickly realize that Wheel Of Fortune has kicked it up a notch with a Hawaiian theme week.

Well, we can’t afford to go to Hawaii. But since everyone in the nation has either just finished Spring Break, is currently on Spring Break, or will be on Spring Break next week, we decided to do a theme week around here, too. If it is good enough for Pat and Vanna, then it is good enough for The Dose Girls.

So welcome to:

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Will it be totally glamorous? Will we be flitting in and out of exotic locations? Will we revel in the comfort of first class accommodations and perks? Will scantily clad pool boys be bringing us fruity drinks?

Uh, no. Remember we said this would be *The Dose of Reality* style. It will be more like waiting in long lines that never end, peeing in filthy public restrooms, and getting a swirly with blue plane toilet water.

So makes sure your seat is in the upright and locked position and your seat belt is fastened. We’re putting the pedal to the metal and taking the show on the road!

First up: The official I Just Want to Pee Alone Book Tour!!

Book Front Cover

You have heard of book tours, right? You know, when authors travel all around and sign their book for adoring fans in book stores…people line up for hours just to catch a glimpse of their favorite writer’s exact style of Sharpie. Well, not to be outdone, we did a book tour, too!

Except in our case, we didn’t go on tour *with* our book. Oh, no. (Remember this is The Dose of Reality style we’re talking here.) Our *book* went on a tour. By itself. Of the nation’s capitol!

Hit it!!

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Our little book started its tour of Washington, D.C. by taking a trip to The National Archives. It desperately wanted to be photographed with other documents of similar importance like the Magna Carta and the Declaration of Independence, but The Capitol Police frown upon flash photography in there. I Just Want to Pee Alone had to settle for a photo op outside.

 

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Next the book went to hobnob with a real star! At The Museum of Natural History Pee Alone rubbed elbows with the iconic elephant that you may remember from the blockbuster The Night at the Museum movie. Note the sign right next to the book….

 

 

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If you click on the photo, you can see that it says “Please don’t touch” right where the book is touching. Celebrities really do play by different rules than the rest of us.

 

 

 

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Pee Alone *always* makes time to stop and chat with fans and this gentleman was no exception. Oh Dear. The book isn’t even that long. He probably just didn’t stop reading long enough to hydrate himself. Or he *literally* laughed himself to death.

 

 

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You have to sneak in a little fun with your work or you will burn out. Here Pee Alone caught a 3D Movie with a date! But dates aren’t cheap, you know! Give the book some help in the romance department by purchasing I Just Want to Pee Alone right here for only $8.99! (glasses and movie date sold separately.)

 

 

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Since Pee Alone couldn’t be photographed next to the biggies in the National Archives, she felt lucky to run in to another classic: Moby Dick! Wait…No, Moby Dick, don’t eat the book. The mermaid in the toilet is NOT REAL!!

 

 

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Honest Abe and Pee Alone have been friends for years. “Four score and seven years ago, I read this fantastically hilarious book by a bunch of bloggers” was actually in one of the early drafts of The Gettysburg Address. Fact.

 

 

 

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I Just Want to Pee Alone is about the only thing getting bipartisan support these days in the U.S. Capitol Building.

 

 

 

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Buying I Just Want to Pee Alone is like supporting freedom. Just ask this piece of the Berlin Wall. You like freedom, don’t you? The commies win if you go Pee-less. Remember that.

 

 

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If you’re a *really* big deal and you find yourself in D.C., there’s only one place you absolutely MUST visit. Excuse me Mr. President, but Pee Alone is here to see you!

 

 

 

After this, the book tour was cut short. Apparently the Secret Service gets “touchy” when you attempt to reach through the White House gates to secure a better photo. Who knew? Side note, was it *absolutely* necessary to tackle I Just Want to Pee Alone to the ground? Harsh.

P.S. Send bail money.

 


Comments

I Peed Alone In The Nation’s Capitol — 91 Comments

  1. This is seriously SO hilarious!! That book got AROUND! Is it weird that I am super jealous of a book right now? It looks like so much fun!

    • The book had a blast! The crowds were big, but since she’s a celeb she cut through all the lines! :)

  2. The book sure did a lot o traveling I am so mad at the book cause I want to travel too *folds arms and pouts* and I wonder what would happen if I stuck my hand through the gate will they take me into custody…..hmmmmm

  3. Pee Alone sure knows how to a trip up right! Looks like a super fun time!

    • She does, Kim. Of course she’s got a team of nannies looking after the kids, so it’s easier for her than the rest of us.

  4. My copy is finally in the mail! I cannot wait!!!! I had to wait to order it because we were going to be gone and we have a problem with people stealing our packages and you know darn well, this one would have totally gotten stolen.

    • O…M…Geeeee! Robin that would be awesome. Pee Alone would *love* to be photographed in Thailand. She’s getting her passport in order as we speak!

    • Pee Alone really does deserve to be photographed by someone of your photographic talents (as opposed to ours). She would be thrilled to continue the book tour in western MA!

    • That book is darn lucky, we’ve got to say. We’re kind of jealous of it, too. Federal bail money is more than you might expect and there there’s always the attorney’s fees….

    • Well, the book had a good old time hopping around D.C. but then again Pee Alone doesn’t have to wait in lines or use the restroom much.

  5. It looks like you and the book had a fun trip! Like the 3D glasses. I already bought and have read my copy, such a loyal fan.

  6. I AM SCREAMING!!!! I wish I could have been in on that tackle! I would have taken a hit for the team. That was so brilliant, I can’t even begin to tell you!!! MUST SHARE!

  7. Speaking of the Secret Service, I imagine the President and First Lady know a little something about not being able to pee alone!

    Great post!

  8. Maybe you and Ash can bring this book on tour to Houston! I can even put you up in our guest apartment!! Looks like you (and the book) had fun, though! Welcome home! (well, that’s assuming you got bail money!)

    • DC was a blast, Debbie! We didn’t get quite the VIP treatment that Pee Alone got, but it was still fun. I think the book is completely game for a road trip to Houston!

  9. This is hilarious, just like the book! I have a copy that I was attempting to read at my son’s soccer practice. I was laughing so hard, I was crying and had to stop. I was making a scene. The other moms were clearly jealous. Luckily there weren’t any secret service around.

    • Hahahaha. You are too funny, Jennifer! I’m glad the Secret Service wasn’t around either. They are touchy. Really touchy.

  10. Well it looks like your book made the rounds! Clearly it knows how to travel in style! Maybe you should have given those secret service guys a copy of the book…they probably do get to pee alone though.

    • That’s not a bad idea, Michelle! I wish I’d thought of it! (But you’re right. They probably get all the space they need!)

    • Me, too! And she probably got carried everywhere and got to take taxis when the rest of us have to hoof it and use the Metro!

    • She gets around, that’s for sure. I hope she doesn’t start feeling all hoity-toity and start mean-girling us.

    • I don’t know, Jeanne! Pee Alone could have done some damage. They do say the pen is mightier than the sword!

  11. Oh my gosh hilarious! Everyone should take pictures of their copy of the book in the place they live and send it in to you guys! Then you would get to pee alone in all kinds of places! I could take it to the ocean! :)

    • We would *love* that!! Pee Alone is totally up for another book tour. If anyone has photos, we will run with it! I know Pee Alone would love to take a trip to the beach and be spotted by the paparazzi!

    • Every story can’t have a happy ending, Stephanie. She would really rock a bikini on Maui, though!

    • We hope this is only the beginning of her travels. Now that she’s hit the road, she has been bitten by the traveling bug. (Not to be confused with bed bugs which you can also get traveling)

    • Yes! It was exhausting! Although when you’re not having to hoof it blocks and blocks like the rest of us, it’s a more relaxing trip.

    • We hope so, too. I guess we’ll know for sure if Pee Alone is denied entry into federal buildings in the future.

  12. Hilarious! Looks like Pee Alone had quite the “whiplash tour”. Did she at least send you a postcard? Or bring back a souvenir t-shirt? “My book went to Washington, DC and all I got was this lousy t-shirt”

    • That is the *exact* t-shirt we need, Mo. You are spot on!! It was the least she could have done!! But nope…nada!

  13. Woohoo for Pee Alone! Great book tour. I’m a little jealy! :)

    This was hilarious. I tried to get close to the White House once for a better photo oop and they literally ran up on me. Maybe, I posed a threat with my caramel skin and Jordan sneakers. lol

  14. This is TOO FUNNY!!! What a super cute idea – like Flat Stanley with a fabulous, grown up, girly twist!
    The trip looks like it was a ton of fun!!! :)

    • This was the book tour equivalent of Flat Stanley! Perfect!! (The most fun was torturing Bobby by pulling out book that said “pee” on the cover and taking photos every 5 minutes. He really wanted. to. die. Turns out it’s incredibly easy to embarrass a 13 year old! 😀 )

  15. I’m so glad the book got to go on tour. That book – and YOUR chapter in particualr – is way worthy of a tour! – but isn’t Ryan G going to get lonely on the mantel without it – assuming that’s where you put that awesome sculpture!

    • Hahahahahahahaha!! Ashley’s book was safe at home on the mantel keeping Ryan company (During the day, that is. At night I’m sure it’s on her pillow right next to her). I un-duct taped my book from the door and sent that one on the tour. It was getting sticky anyway.

  16. Peed alone has one cute date! And certainly gets around.

    I have to say when I saw the title come through in my email I was a little scared of what I might read! Glad to see it’s this Peed Alone in the nations capitol. :)

    • Life is like a box of chocolates, Carli…you never know what you’re going to get (at least around here). Glad you took a chance!!

  17. She really gets around! Too bad the book got kicked out of the White House…should have visited Congress. How about a beer tour around Baltimore sometime?

    • Beer tour of Baltimore?! You are speaking our language, Leslie! That sounds like a tour we can all get behind!! :)

  18. You ladies are pure geniuses! I love this post and LOVE the photos even more.

    I’m a little upset I didn’t know about the book tour. I already know what i would do with the book. It’s good. It’s really good.

    So where are we on the Hawaiian vacation? I want to see Pat Sayjack in flip flops. Actually, no I don’t.

    • Sadly we are no closer to Hawaii, Lisa. It’s a real heart breaker, but we are not losing hope. (We’ll make Pat wear water shoes so we’re not subjected to his bare feet)

    • You are so sweet Leah. If Pee Alone starts to give us any diva attitude, we’ll remind her that she’s lucky we’re around to cater to her every need!

    • OMG…that’s just what Ashley said when she saw it. Great minds!! I think the “Where is I Just Want To Pee Alone” is an idea whose time has come. GENIUS!

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