As a child, I spent many summers visiting my grandmother in Colorado. I loved everything about going to see her, but there was one thing that always made each visit special to my middle school heart.
Aisle 6 at her market.
Now you’ve got to understand, as a child I was not allowed to have any breakfast cereal where the first ingredient was listed as sugar. My mother strictly enforced this rule. You can imagine the delicious cereals this ruled out. It was a total childhood buzzkill.
My grandmother didn’t adhere to such tomfoolery, so one of the first activities when visiting her was a trip to the local market to pick out any cereal I wanted! Such sugary freedom!
The decision to pick a cereal was one I took very seriously. I would always start out thinking that this would be the visit where I would choose something different. You know, maybe I would grab life by the reins and take a risk.
Maybe I would try Cookie Crisp! After all, what would be better than a bowl full of chocolate chip cookies for breakfast? Or perhaps I would go for Fruity Pebbles in all their yummy sweetness. Wait! Would this be the time that I picked out the Frankenberrys and prepared myself for drinking the strawberry milk from the bowl when I was finished?
Time and time again, though, I always chose the same cereal. I knew it would not fail me. I knew just how I would eat it and what it would taste like.
I always, always chose Lucky Charms.
Each morning I would pour a heaping bowl of cereal and begin the intricate process of attempting to eat all the actual cereal, while preserving as many marshmallows as possible for the end. Was there anything better as a kid than winding up with a bowl of delicious marshmallows perfectly softened by milk? I don’t think so.
So, when I came across the “retro” box of Lucky Charms at Target, you would expect that I would feel instantly transported back to the days of yore and purchase it immediately! Heck, I’d probably want to buy boxes and boxes–hoard them even–just to recapture the sugary memories of my youth!
You would be wrong.
Because instead of being “kitschy” and cute in its attempt to be a blast from the past, it just made me feel like it was old and gross. Like if you walked into my grandmother’s old house at this exact moment and opened her hall closet, you might find this box buried in the back next to case of Ginger Ale that she always kept there.
So Lucky Charms, while I appreciated the quick trip down memory lane, your marketing attempts backfired on this lifetime fan. Turns out, I prefer my magically delicious cereal to be manufactured in this decade.