Fitness is not our best thing. We admit that.
We don’t care for most activities that require prolonged sweating. If we sweat, we’d have to change our yoga pants during the day and… just how many yoga pants are two women supposed to own anyway? You see the problem.
But we do concede that it would be nice to walk to the mailbox without being winded. Thus, we think we want to get fit.
Well, that’s not entirely accurate. We’ve been *thinking* we might want to think about getting fit. Oh, FINE…we’ve been *considering* that we might want to think about thinking about getting fit.
So we began doing what we always do when faced with a dilemma. We turned to Pinterest! Along with the perfect Father’s Day gift and products essential to daily living, it turns out fitness pins abound on Pinterest.
Presented for your consideration:
Pinterest Nightmare #336a: Climb The Wall
I giggled when I first saw this one because Photoshop, right?
But, no! Self.com was not kidding! They even taunted me a little by writing that all I needed to perform this maneuver was a floor and a wall. I don’t know. I’m thinking an elaborate system of levers and pulleys might not hurt, but what do I know?
The first step listed was “start in plank position”. Oh, no. That was going to be a problem. You know about THE PLANK, don’t you?
No, not the photo meme phenomenon where everyone took pictures of themselves lying on top of things…no, not the thing prisoners have to walk in a pirate movie before they plunge to their death… the *fitness* move plank.
A fitness plank is sort of like getting in push-up position, lowering yourself to your elbows, and holding yourself for a million years until all the fat has drained away from your body. Or something. I’m not a certified expert or anything.
I tried a plank once, and we’ll just say it didn’t end well. Before I could get down on my forearms, my left wrist almost snapped leaving me in a heap on the floor. This didn’t bode well for The Wall Climb at all.
But I pressed on because if you are *considering* you might want to think about thinking about getting fit, you cannot give up at the first sign of difficulty. Plus, you totally look like you are flying like Superman if you do this move. Sweet!
Sadly, it was not to be. I had to quit attempting this move to keep from sustaining a closed head injury since my face kept slamming against the floor.
Thank goodness there were more pins to see!!
Pinterest Nightmare #336b: The Side Slimmer
WOW, right?!! She looks like a happy, fitness starfish!
Even though I was sure my starfish pose would look more like Patrick on SpongeBob SquarePants than the lady from Self when I tried this maneuver, I did read the directions.
After you get yourself in a side plank (which I point out is an upper level plank maneuver best left to an anti-gravity chamber) I was told to “raise your right leg as high as you can until it is barely touching wall”.
No problem! My foot was not touching the wall at all! That’s mostly because I was already sitting in front of the TV watching a DVR’d episode of The Voice and eating a bag of Cheetos, but that’s just semantics. Technically my leg was raised (onto an ottoman) and my foot was not touching the wall at all!
It feels so good to have a fitness success under my belt!
Oh, Pinterest. No…just no.
**We know some of you are going to try tell us that “Climb the Wall” and “The Side Slimmer” are really not. that. hard. Pfftt. Pictures or it didn’t happen.