We’ll Take Instant Heart Attack for $1000, Alex!

You know that moment when you look at something, and you just *know* you shouldn’t, but you do anyway? And because you did and you wish you hadn’t, you immediately share it with your blogging partner so she can feel your pain, too. Because, let’s be honest here, that is *really* what friends are for.

My sister takes great pleasure in emailing me things that she knows will make me cry. Or scream out loud right at my computer. Articles about frogs being in someone’s salad on an airplane (as if there were not already enough reasons to skip the airplane meal). Or about an alligator showing up on a person’s porch in the beach town I am weeks away from visiting. You get the idea.

But what she sent me the other day was the worst one yet.

I should have known not to even bother clicking when her email said, “What could lead to your final moments on earth??? How scary is this?”

You know, sister of mine, PRETTY SCARY. Considering that the full blown anxiety attack I just had watching that almost led to my death, I think we can all be sure what the result of that actually happening to me would be.

So, of course, because I was shaking and rocking in the corner and needed someone else to really feel my pain, I sent it to Lisa.

Ashley’s email: 100%. Instant death. No doubt.

What I received in return was so awesome it had to be shared. Because every single word is so true and exactly how I felt.

Lisa’s reply: GODALMIGHTY that is the worst thing I’ve ever seen. I don’t even want to get in my car to go to pick up now. I would have died right there…totally freaked out and hit cars on both sides of me and died straight up. If I would have made it to the side of the road (unlikely), I wouldn’t have called the police. I would have just gotten out of the car and started running, abandoning my car completely. If I ever stopped screaming (unlikely) to make a phone call once I ran across the state Forrest Gump style, I wouldn’t even have my phone anyway because I’m not reaching for my purse before I get out of the car. Or my kids. They would be totally on their own.

Here is thing y’all. As mothers, our first instinct is always our children. Except apparently in the case of a snake wrapping itself around our legs as we are driving. Because we have both talked at length since we saw this about how honestly (and we aren’t even a tiny bit joking here) we would not have the presence of mind to save them in this scenario. Besides the fact that we are 100% sure we would crash our cars, we both said that even if somehow we managed not to our pure survival mode would kick in and we would run. With no regard to anything else.

And we are total non-runners.

Except in the case of snakes in our car.

Too bad we can’t use that as an exercise routine.

So tell us (assuming your heart has resumed beating after watching that video), is there something you are so afraid of that you would think of no one but yourself if you came across it in your car? Or in your life? Do you think you could stay as calm as this woman or would you have The Dose Girls reaction?


Comments

We’ll Take Instant Heart Attack for $1000, Alex! — 129 Comments

  1. I just have to say that I may NEVER get into my car again without looking underneath all of the seats first…or I may just NEVER get into my car again – period!

  2. I’M NOT WATCHING IT!!!!!!! You can’t make me! I’m not going to do it!! The image is enough for me to be freaked out the rest of the day. I’m not sure I’d even put my car in park getting out of there.

    • HA HA HA Kristen! We won’t make you, although you should. We did, after all. Car is definitely NOT going in park!

  3. Sorry – the still shot was enough to freak me out. But, I know my husband got so freaked out once on a ride at Disneyland – the maliboomer (closed now). He went up with our two boys and one was nervous so he was all supportive, holding his hand, talking him through it. However, the moment the ride started, my husband said he was so freaked out, he let go of our son’s hand and literally said “you’re on your own kid.” Yup – survival takes over!!!

  4. Once our friend was meeting us for dinner and when he parked and opened the hood (people do that here to let the engines cool down) there was a live cobra in the engine chamber!!!

  5. Yikes, just read Robin’s response. ::shudder:: I’m pretty sure I would freak out if there were a snake in my car and would car my husband and/or sister crying (cause my sister would be such a help, living in NYC and being more scared of creatures than I). I think I would also react similarly to a shark, but sadly I doubt I would be able to outswim it (by the way, don’t read the latest GQ article about shark attacks off some island that is part of France. No, I don’t buy GQ, but my husband does, cause he’s a stylin’ man)

    • My sister feels exactly the same way that you do about sharks Bev! Like can barely even think about them without full blown panic!

  6. I went to school about 6 hours away from home, and on the long drive back for break once a spider descended from the roof lining of my car via web silk to RIGHT in front of my face. I veered across three lanes of traffic on the turnpike and fled from the car – totally leaving my roommate to fend for herself. ::shudder::

    • No question that is exactly what you should have done…really, let’s be honest, it was the only thing you could do. SO SCARY!!

  7. I want to watch it but I can’t…I almost crashed the car when a bee came flying in…my mother almost had a heart attack as I nearly missed a pole. Then one time with my son, I nasty alien bug flew on my shoulder, I pulled over and jumped out hopping and screaming around. I didn’t care who drove by or was watching me. Thankfully son was too young to know what was going on.

    I saw a video on facebook too. You have to check under seats in public restrooms, God only knows what’s lurking under there.

    • Oh Lord, my mind just spun out of control imagining public restrooms…UGH. Nightmare!! Kudos to you for pulling over when the bug flew on your shoulder…don’t know that we could have managed that!

  8. OH MY GOODNESS! I sat there … read the entire post… determined to not watch the video … and then I gave in. Curiosity killed the cat… and me. Ugh. I’m not going to stop shaking for the rest of the day. Not to mention get in my car. Gee thanks! Now I have to email this video to other people.
    I do love how the news anchor, at the end of the video, said the snake has been taken into custody – I don’t even know what that means.
    That at least, made me chuckle.

    • That made me chuckle, too, Jacki. Glad you were brave enough to watch and sorry we pretty much ruined the rest of your day…we feel your pain!!

  9. I would freak. I hope I would grab the kids but snakes are the worst. I have nightmares about them. A friend told me a story about a woman she knew that was outside with her daughter and a snake slithered around the daughters foot and the mother ran inside and left her.

  10. I did not watch that video cause I gotta get in my car in a few and I live in the country. I don’t even run over snakes I am afraid they may stay on for the ride and find a hole in my car and be riding with me.

    • Smart plan Kita. No one needs this kind of stress when they are about to operate a vehicle! 😉

  11. Nope. Not watching. I’m having heart palpitations just READING your post. But I’m lucky, the kid is old enough, I’d grab her door and pull her out and we’d be running for the hills together. My bag – on the other hand – it would depend on where it was in the vehicle!

    • Thankfully, we do feel like our kids are old enough that they could get themselves out…but again, it is probably a moot point since we are definitely crashing the car! 😉

  12. Oh my gosh! I got the shivers just watching that video and I’m not normally scared of snakes. I think it’s the enclosed space that makes it worse. I’ve had a bee in the car that made me freak out. We find snakes in our yard all the time, but I know where to look for them so they don’t freak me out as much. As for my kids…maybe I should work on letting the oldest practice how to unbuckle the youngest! LOL!!

    • We both said the enclosed space makes it 100 million times worse for sure! The fact that you have snakes in your yard makes us think you should work on the unbuckling plan! 😉

    • We feel totally the same way Carrie and wish we could scrub our brains from ever seeing it! 😉

  13. I had to watch! I so would have crashed my car! I am terrified of snakes!! How did the thing get in there? Now I am going to be thinking about snakes when I am driving…what a nightmare!

    • Right?? How did it get in there?? HOW!!?? As if driving isn’t challenging enough, now we have to worry about snakes, too!!

  14. If I felt a snake slithering between my legs while I was driving, I would have totally freaked out. Seriously, I have no idea if I’d have been able to stop the car before jumping out. If I had my kids with me, I would totally tell them to get out, but I may have been tempted to get out first, ya know? I think the think that terrifies me to the point of thinking of no one else first (this is a toss-up, but I know I’d want to get to safety ASAP if a snake was that close) would be something height related, especially if there is a cliff involved or a drop off. I am not a good sport, period, about heights.

    We went to some place recently that had the height/drop-off/balcony factor and I refused to be any part of it, and when I saw that my daughter (who is nearly 3) was fascinated and wandering close, I couldn’t go help get her away – I had to hope Daddy or big brothers would keep her safe because I was nearly paralyzed with the fear of getting that close. Thankfully, hubby caught her and brought her to me and we went elsewhere why the boys continued to explore with him. *shivers*

    • My mother was the exact same way about heights. Like she wouldn’t even let us open hotel balcony doors. She would freak out if we even got near the windowsill of a high floor. When I told her that I dangled my legs off the edge of the Grand Canyon, she started crying.

      • Oh, that’s just something that brings my heart to stopping!

        When I was in college, we went to a place called Fort Bluff and everyone was getting close to this look-out edge, and some of the guys would pretend to go and shove people off. I was never more terrified in my life. Someone even thought it was funny to pretend they fell off (there was a ledge below it they were standing on), and I nearly died. Yah, didn’t help my phobia one bit! *shivers*

  15. Oh my God. I would run faster than I’ve ever ran before. I might scream “snake! get out of the car, kids!” Does that count for anything?

    Also, I would never set foot in a car again. Ever.

    • Totally. Full credit goes to you on that…remembering to tell the kids to get out of the car totally counts!

  16. My computer won’t let me watch the video. Maybe it knows me better than I think. I’m going to YouTube and looking it up right after this. Rats and mice do it for me. I was in the basement getting something out of the storage closet and Nico yelled for me that he saw a mouse. I screamed and ran all the way up the stairs leaving him behind (he was 12 so I know he was okay) If ever there is even the threat of seeing one, I am out of there. I won’t even jump on the chair in the room, I leave the house yelling for my kids to follow me. I laughed so hard that Gia kept asking what when I read Lisa’s response. I kept picturing her running from the car.

    • We had a mouse in our house once, and I honestly threatened Robert with moving unless he figured out a way to get rid of it and assure me that it was gone forever. I hear you sister.

  17. I cannot watch. I just can’t. I don’t even like still photographs of snakes. I seriously would Forrest Gump it right out of there. I don’t know if I would head for the hills, though – snakes have been known to frequent hills.

  18. I freak out over mice or rats. Mice are so quick they startle me (thank God for our cat). Snakes–we don’t have many out my way, but I’d freak out especially if one were in my car. Ewww…

  19. For some strange reason, snakes don’t scare me? I think because I grew up in NY and I haven’t been in contact with them? I don’t know. However, something slithering up my leg while operating a vehicle? NO THANKS. That woman had some piece of mind!

  20. I admit I didn’t watch, because I am deathly afraid of spiders and just like you I hate running, but would have taken it up if I found snakes anywhere near my car!!! Seriously, probably could have set a new world record, lol!! :)

  21. Very good reply Lisa, you are exactly correct, there’s nothing else to say.
    I didn’t know Laura did this Ashley. That’s pretty funny, you are lucky you have such a good sister.

  22. Snakes. Snakes. Snakes. It would be snakes. I deal with them here in Florida. Along with alligators. Thank GOD we don’t live near a pond or swampy lake where alligators live. I’ve heard many horror stories about people who go out their front door to find an alligator on their porch or patio or under their car in the driveway. My snake problem is that they get in our pool. Or they like to sun themselves on our pool deck or hide in the plants I have surrounding the pool. I’ve also had them stretched across the doorway of the front door and didn’t see them until I was on my way BACK from the mailbox. I’m so freaked out by snakes I freeze. My heart literally jumps into my throat then stops. So I’m frozen, choking, and have no heartbeat.

  23. No. No, no, no, no, no. I refuse to watch that video. As soon as I saw the still shot I scrolled passed it so it wasn’t even on my screen anymore. You are dealing with my biggest fear in the whole entire world right there. Even if I see one in the yard I run screaming in the other direction and it’s every man, woman and child for himself.

  24. This was scary, but snakes don’t freak me out as much as tarantulas. But if there were a tarantula crawling around on my leg or foot while I drove, you can bet your ass that I would dive straight out of that car while it was still rolling, and I would yell at my non existent kids to get out of the car. So, you know, I would scream that they should get out. Regardless of age/ability. I mean…you can really only blame this on evolution. You’re not bad mothers, you’re WIRED to get out of scary situations. You just have good reflexes.

  25. Girls, I could not do it. I just could not push that red arrow. That snake and the thought of what my poor, already damaged brain would see just said don’t do it. But your sister has probably visited my inbox before too…like that time I got the peaceful idyllic view of the countryside, as they tell you to just watch for something and all of a sudden, some scarier than hell face pops on your screen and you poop yourself.

  26. I can’t even watch the video. I am now totally freaked out. I think I will be wearing my husband’s snake boots when I go get the kids out of car line today.

    I’m going to pretend this never ever happened.

  27. OMG i totally hate snakes…after my son passed away and we had totally cleaned his room out from top to bottom…so i had been using the room for storage and had a futon in there as well…one night it was hot in the house and i knew a box fan was in that closet, but you had to climb over the futon to get to it…my daughter was being nice to get it for me since i was recovering from surgery and when she lifted it up out of the closet, there was a huge, HUGE! snake skin stuck to the bottom of it….i said WTH is that and it took me all of 3 seconds to figure it out…i took off running and screaming out of that bedroom like a wild banshee….and yes, even though my daughter was stuck behind the futon and still holding the box fan, i ran with all my might and jumped on my bed still shivering from the thought….she wasn’t far behind, maybe like 5 seconds or so….called my brother and ex-boyfriend and made them search the house even thought it was after 10 PM….they never found it and we have never seen the snake or another snake skin, but the neighbor said it was about 5 to 6 ft long black snake…said the skin probably came off while it was crawling back out however it got in….needless to say, we now have a cat….not sure she can do anything about it but maybe she will at least fight with it while i fun for my life if there is a next time….

    • OH MY GOD, Janan, this story is SO AWFUL!! And we also totally appreciated your honesty about running…because we would do the EXACT same thing!! How did you even begin to sleep that night…or ever again??!! 😉

  28. OMG! This is terrifying. Snakes, reptiles in general, just freak me out. I already have a wild imagination, and now this image will be stuck in my mind forever. :)

  29. I live in an area where wile creatures are the norm…bugs, snakes, sharks, barracuda, etc. so the least I know the better….heck, I freak out when I see a dear in the road I don’t even want to imagine what I would do if I had a snake in my car!!! ::SHUDDERS::

    • Deer in the road freak me out, too…and we have a ton in our neighborhood! Wild sea creatures would be too much for me to handle! 😉

  30. Snakes…I’m like Indiana Jones. Anything but snakes! In fact I have a few scary snake stories from childhood. The stuff of running through wet grass blissfully on a summer night and stepping on a hose..a hose that moves and hisses! Yup. Not cool. I’ll spare you other details..

    • AAAAAHHHHH!!! A hose that moves and hisses???!!! I think I might have just had another heart attack!!

    • Turns out your fear is not so irrational, right? I mean it could totally happen now that we know this is possible!!

  31. See this reminds me of my snake in the bathtub and I am 6 months pregnant story..Trust me I nearly became UNpregnant in that moment of time. Now living in the country we have had field mice in our cars. Mainly in the winter. They crawl up in the engine compartment and chew through that layer of cardboard between the dash and motor and get inside. Not exactly another thing you want to hear when driving down the road, the squeak of a mouse..

    • Seriously, cannot wait to hear this story, although I am sure it will make me cry!! A mouse in your car???!!! OH.MY.GOD.

  32. I love that the anchor dude was all like ” The Snake was taken into custody. i don’t know what that means!” lmao

    I’m so afraid of snakes..I would totally jump out of the freaking car while it’s in motion and I’m sure I would not make it to tell the world the crazy story especially if it was poisonous..I’d jump out of my skin and pretty much die…!

  33. There is no way I would ever watch that. And if someone who knew me sent me something like this (even though they know I’m a total chickenshit) we would not be friends anymore. Instant Facebook blocking, that’s how serious this is… then I would run 😉

    • I am totally my sister about this comment…hopefully she will think twice before she sends anything scary again! 😉

  34. A couple of weeks ago I was in Florida visiting my mom. One evening a lizard found its way to the ceiling in the guest room. Picture this: I’m standing on the bed squealing while my 83 year old rock star of a mother calmly “neutralizes the enemy”. Yeah…that happened.

  35. Ooooohhhh my good! I can’t do snakes and I could NOT watch that video! I have a sunroof and always have this fear of snakes falling out of a tree into my truck through the sunroof! IDK why I always think that will happen to me but I do! I always make sure my sunroof is closed when I’m going through an area with a lot of high trees (like my parents neighborhood). I would die! Seriously! *shudders*

    • I would totally have that fear and you have just convinced that opening my sunroof would be a MAJOR mistake!

  36. oh, either i’m overly weird, extremely paranoid or plain old sarcastic but i promise just yesterday as i was driving, i thought to myself “geez, you really need to clean out your car. one of these days, a snake is going to pop out at you.”

    mainly because there is usually a full outfit (complete with EXTRA hangers), toys, snacks, papers, pens and files and other random crap in my car, but now, i will be checking for snakes!

    i’m not sure whether i should thank you or sit in a corner and cry :-)

    • You were obviously meant to read this post…it is clearly a sign from the universe! And now you have also reminded me that my car is a total trash pit and who knows what is living in it! EEK!

  37. Birds. Hands down. Birds are scary little creatures. I can’t run from them because they have those pesky wings and despite the advertisement Red Bull does NOT give you wings. I’d die.

    • Wait a minute….you saved a snake (shudder) and to thank you it BIT YOU????!!! Lawd. I can’t even. I keep trying to type something out and no words come. YOU PICKED UP A WILD SNAKE ON PURPOSE??? I die.

  38. So here’s the deal. I’m afraid to watch the video. Not even joking. You guys have me way to freaked out and I’m already scared of snakes.

    But my biggest, biggest fear of all is turtles. It’s a long story but those things are freaking horrible.

    • Yeah, DON’T WATCH THE VIDEO. It’s horrific.

      But, TURTLES??!! Well, snapping turtles I totally get because those things can take off a finger, but regular turtles…I feel like I’m going to have to hear the long story, Carli!!

  39. I am afraid of snakes, rodents, bugs (all bugs), and spiders (they are a despicable creature unto themselves, in my mind). However, for the sake of my kids I have managed (so far) to suck it up and help ‘shoo, squish, or cover’ any of the above mentioned away from my them. Just the other day a very large flying beetle landed on my daughters back…she screamed, I screamed, but I was still somehow able to flick it off her back (and then cover it up with a bowl for my husband to get when he came home from work).
    I am not sure how, but my tiger instincts seem to kick in!?
    However, in saying all of that…a large snake is completely different than a bug (no matter how big it seemed at the time), so I honestly can’t say what I would do.
    Gives me the creeps just thinking about it (and no I didn’t watch the video…I just can’t do it!)

    • It gives me the total creeps, too. Let’s stop thinking about it. We have to be able to keep driving and the more I think about it the less I ever want to get in my car again.

  40. I once read a blog post where someone had a snake in her car…with with the kids in it! I don’t remember which blog it was in now.
    Any chance someone will design a device that will send you a tweet if a snake got in your car?

  41. I am commenting without even watching the clip, because I can’t have that possibility in my head if I am going to drive calmly in the future.

    My mom’s best friend is deathly afraid of grasshoppers, and she has been know to pull over because there was one on the OUTSIDE of her car.

    • Don’t look. It’s totally the stuff of nightmares, Amy.

      Grasshoppers! Who knew! I’d think keeping driving would be better than pulling over in hopes that the air would whisk it way! It’s never leaving if you stop!! But fear is not exactly rational, so there you go!

  42. I cannot watch this as snakes really do give me the freak outs! You know what I actually find VERY distracting and dangerous when I am driving??? When a MOSQUITO gets in my car. It is like a am obsessed with killing it before it eats me alive – have needed to pull over more than once to get the job done. Little creatures … but big annoyance as far as I am concerned.

  43. Did you read my tick post? The one were I removed over 30 ticks off of me, my son and my niece? yeah, it took every ounce of willpower to not run screaming. Instead I made up a silly song to plug the urge to scream!

  44. Pingback: Sometimes A Phobia Is Actually Funny

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