Pinterest Nightmare #193: Teach Your Cat To Read

We’re all about our pets at my house. In fact, I haven’t left the house without dog or cat hair on my person for the last ten years. (Although, I do have a very personal relationship with my lint roller. We’re actually considered common law married in 12 states and the territory of Guam.)

My pets are really my “other” babies. Oh, sure they have their moments when they spray furniture (and I don’t mean with Febreze) or eat part of my dining room table leg that cannot be replaced. But hey, nobody’s perfect. I still adore them in every way.

Naturally, I look to Pinterest for ways to enrich their lives.

That’s how I discovered THIS…

Pinterest Nightmare #193: Teach Your Cat To Read:

teachcat225

I know. Take another good look. You are seeing what you think you are seeing.

That is a cat…learning to read. Doesn’t he have that look of personal accomplishment that only comes with reaching your your full potential?

I’m very impressed that “Teach Your Cat To Read” doesn’t start with the “easy” words that you see in your average primer for beginning human readers. Cats probably don’t care about what’s happening with Dick, Jane, (and especially) Spot. “Mouse” is where it’s at for them.

Before you know it, along with sections for historical fiction and poetry, you’ll be able to find Kit Lit among the stacks at your local bookstore for your feline friends. As it should be.

But while I love my cat and want her to be happy and well-read, I do have a few concerns.

What if she start dog-earring the books I leave on my nightstand? (Annoying)

Will she race to the mailbox on Fridays to get my Entertainment Weekly because she needs some light litter box reading? (Unacceptable)

Will my dog’s self esteem take a nose dive because there is no companion “Teach Your Dog To Read” book resulting in her consuming the OTHER leg of my dining room table? (Almost a given)

There is also the distinct possibility that my cat, given who her grandmother is, will immediately start demanding a Kindle for Christmas. (You know she’ll want the expensive one with the touch screen. And with her claws, I’ll have to shell out for a premium screen protector, too).

Oh, Pinterest. No…just no.

 

 


Comments

Pinterest Nightmare #193: Teach Your Cat To Read — 102 Comments

  1. OMG…The sad part is the person who created this had people around him/her encouraging and applauding them! Was there one person that said “YOU ARE CRAZY!” I hope so.

    • Hahahahaha. We all need that one friend who will tell it to us straight. This person doesn’t have that friend!

    • It’s true. We want them to lead fulfilling and full lives. Reading is a must if you think about it.

  2. Seriously? I can’t believe you found this. I love my cats, but really, if they can learn to read, I’d like full sentences like “Do NOT bring that live bird in the house and let it go” and “Mice are not toys to be brought in the house to share with friends” or “Presents (ie dead ones) can be left on the porch rather than brought to the living room.”

    • You’ve NAILED IT, Michelle!! YES!! I NEED to be able to leave my cats notes exactly as you mention. (especially about the gifts). You’ve got to start somewhere, though. Baby steps. I bet the next book gets further into verbs and sentence structure.

    • Of course!! I’m sure there’s enough neurons in their little walnut sized brains to accommodate a little literacy!

    • Hmmmm…this is a VERY good point, Alison. Perhaps we should start with dogs. They aren’t as devious as cats and would not try to take over the world.

  3. No words and just can’t believe anyone would actually buy this. Seriously though I know that this isn’t the case and probably have sold a ton!! Crazy and just hope you both have a great holiday weekend!! :)

    • Thanks, Janine! Hope you have a great weekend, too! We’re going away for a girls’ trip to the mountains with some of our friends! My cat, on the other hand, has a lot of work to do.

  4. I don’t even know what to say. So someone was sitting around looking at his/her cat and thought, “I bet I could teach my lovely pet to read”? Not go to the bathroom in the toilet, not to open its cat food cans, no. Something much more useful…to read. WTH? Because the possibilities are endless after that. This is hands down…the most ridiculous product and what is sad is that you know there are cat lovers out there that have bought it.

    • But AnnMarie, if you teach your cat to read you can write it notes about all the other chores!! Teaching you cat to read will improve your life and theirs! Why are so you against cat self-improvement? :( 😀

      • Because, my friend, now not only will I have to worry about Gia reading when her peers do, but now I have to worry about Fluffy, the neighbor’s cat reading before her. No pressure or anything. :)

  5. Kit Lit for Kitty Literacy. That is funny. If you think about it, though, reading would be the ideal hobby for cats – something to do while they are lounging in the window. But if they got into a good book, it would probably cut into their napping time because, of course, they wouldn’t be able to put it down. Then there would be a lot of un-rested cats around. That could have far-reaching consequences, right?

    • Kim, I can’t stop laughing. You are SO RIGHT. It does seem perfect …AT FIRST!! But it could definitely lead to many adverse unintended consequences if there are a bunch of sleep-deprived kitties out there. I shudder to think of how my cat would behave and what kind of havoc she’d wreck if she didn’t get her 22 hours of sleep a day. SCARY!!!

    • Hahahaha. You have a very good point. It’s scary that they didn’t do a re-think when they sobered up, though!

    • *GULP* You are totally right. I’m convinced of it. Those felines are crafty. Once they can read, we will totally be at their mercy. (Unless we can arm everyone with laser pointers or balls of string to distract them). Chilling.

  6. I’ve read this post three times and it still says “teach your cat to read.” What the what?!

    On second thought, there’s a stray cat that is constantly peeing on our grill. If I teach it how to read, I can leave a kind note asking him to stop or I’ll let my dogs loose on him. Heading off to order….

    • YES! It would be really practical and helpful to teach the stray cat to read! This product is going to change lives!

    • This might be the very best example to use in a new era of “Just Say No To Drugs” commercials.

    • I think it may be so out of control that it’s come back around to being IN control. (At least that’s what my cat thinks. I’m teaching her to type because her handwriting is atrocious)

    • TOTALLY unacceptable from the canine point of view. My dog is livid…or she would be if she understood the implications. She’a a little slow….

  7. OMG!! Please tell me that this is a joke and not a real thing. I mean seriously?!? I really hate cats and now cats that can read?! Talk about preparing to take over the world. You know that’s their end game.

    • It’s totally their end game, Krystal. It *is*. And the rest of us better beware. Even if we don’t teach OUR cats to read, the others will get to them. CHAOS!

      • Actually, I have a cat…who sometimes thinks she’s a dog. No joke – she’s like a guard cat. :) I do like dogs, too, though. However, I wouldn’t try to teach them to read…Just defies logic and points to insanity on my part.

  8. Kit lit! I love it. But the pun potential is sky high because: kitty litter-acy! Also I can’t believe you said dog-eared. The accepted term in these circles is “kitty-cornered”.

    • Robin! I hang my head in shame. “Dog eared” just shows my bias. Of COURSE my cat would leave it Kitty-cornered. I hang my head in shame.

    • I KNEW there had to be cats who already completed the program!! How soothing to have your cat read blogs to you. This could free up a great deal of time for me!

  9. Noooo… I could see where this could be a very BAD idea. My cat already knows how tell time. (“It’s 6:00pm on the dot human, FEED ME.” “Hey, it’s 3:00am. Human, it’s time to play!”)

    I could just see myself coming home and finding my cat thumbing through a copy of “How To Get Your Human To Bend To Your Will and Get Them To Do Whatever You Want”.

  10. I’ve never had a cat..or wanted one..but my daughter has been begging for one. I have to say after seeing a YouTube video on toilet training a cat, and now seeing this, maybe she’ll get her wish after all! Here I was thinking all cats did was scratch things and poop in a box. Now I now the truth, partly thanks to you.

    • Make her dream come true, Tamara!! Once you teach your cat to read you can set him/her free with a recipe book and they will be able to make you dinner, too. The sky’s the limit!

  11. I suggest the “Cat In The Hat” books and perhaps the Garfield comics will be a total hit!! HA! Oh dear… how you find these I don’t know. But so FREAKING funny!!!!

  12. Oh wow, Kit lit! And light litter box reading with Entertainment Weekly. Hahahaha! So funny girls! I laughed because I love cats, but really Pinterest? The picture of the cat with the word “mouse” is so funny. Who thinks of these things and pintersizes them??? Hilarious (dose girls) and downright shameful (pinterest). Are house cats who sleep all day and watch Tom and Jerry not enough anymore? Love this!

    • Life just gets more hectic and competitive…even for cats, Karen. There’s no excuse for kitty illiteracy now.

  13. Are there an infinite number of horribly stupid items on Pinterest? You seem to find unbelievably stupid products, which means there are unbelievably stupid people buying them.
    I would like to teach my cat to read, though. The first word would be “Don’t”, words 2 through 5 would be “Pee on the carpet”.

    • I hope the number is infinite, John. We need to have Friday posts.

      Remember the quotation from the master, George Carlin;
      “Just think how stupid the average person is and then realize half of them are even stupider”.

      I think your kitty literacy plan is solid. Once you cat learns to read, he can read to learn.

    • Yes! With just a little effort in on the front end you can be writing out instructions for you cat and reaping the benefits.

  14. I am not sure that the cat doesn’t already know how to read. Ours seem to know the cat food bag from the dog food bag. Teaching a dog would be much wiser then they could keep us filled in on the cat’s plans to take over the world.

    • I like the way you think. Very crafty. We do need some inside sources to tell us when the cats are hatching their plans.

  15. I never check Pinterest, so I greatly appreciate you taking the time to find the very best things and posting about them so I still get the experience. Cats who can read are just one step away from stealing your car.

  16. I know Steve Jobs and Apple told us to “Think Different” and that “the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do!” but I know for a fact that this was not it!!!

    All I have to say is, SERIOUSLY?!!!

    • Maybe this person was crazy enough to think he could change a cat’s world…or maybe he was just crazy. I don’t know Khloe, but innovation like this might just be what modern times need.

  17. Hahah wtf Pinterest. I loved your reasons for why it would be horrible for your cat to be able to read! They cracked me up. I can just imagine a cat crouching in the litter box, reading your magazine and hiding from you (just like husbands!)

    • Exactly!!! Totally exasperating, right? I don’t need to fight two people for first crack at my magazines or the front page of the newspaper.

    • If you taught her to read, she could read the potty training book herself, Jennifer. I’m just sayin’…

  18. Really…and of course the first words he would learn is mouse next we will be teaching the ants and flies how to talk by talking their language *sigh* smh

    • You’re right, Kita. There could be many unintended consequences to kitty literacy. You just never know!

  19. I can’t believe I’m sitting here typing this comment to you when I could be working on Jeffrey’s literacy issues. :)

    Now if someone would come up with a manual that would help me teach him how to clean.

    • Hahahaha! First things first, Carli. Get Jeffrey on a good reading program *then* he’ll read the cleaning manual himself. (or take over the world. You never know)

    • My mind, she is blown, Kristen! You nailed it. Now teaching my cat to read has gone from a “want” to a “need”.

  20. Seriously? Like a cat wouldn’t know what a mouse is? I guess if my dog can be a Houdini and bust out of his crate and the house, a cat can learn to read. lol.

    • Hahahahahahaha. I think that would be my cat’s first instinct too, Amber. But the allure of a good novel might win out.

  21. Cats are creepy to me. This is stupid…I can’t believe you keep finding this stuff. What would be the point…cat school???

    • Now that you mention it, cat school is an awesome idea. Why stop at reading? Cat should also have math, science, and geography open to them. Knowledge is power, Joi.

  22. I love cats. I really do. But, that is the stupidest thing I’ve ever seen. Are people crazy? What a dumb, dumb, dumb thing, and I can’t believe people would waste their time with such nonsense. There are children in this world who need help learning to read, and those people who are teaching their “cats” to read may want to consider helping their local schools if they want to educate. This was a good one.

  23. Can this cat teach my son to read????? He’s in basic skills and he has the hardest time listening to me when I try to help him. If so, I am all over this!

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