It’s that exciting time of year, folks! THIS IS THE PREMIERE NIGHT OF ANOTHER INSTALLMENT OF….THE BACHELOR!!
Okay, not really. It’s The Bachelor’s demon offspring, The Bachelorette. Oh, we’ll still be watching of course, but we have to admit The Bachelorette doesn’t have quite the same “sparkle” quotient as it’s blue chip counterpart.
This season features the lovely bachelorette
Danielle Dominique Desdemona–oh, whatever her name is. She was never one of our favorites. (Which is probably why HOTSEAN! rejected her in the end)
We are absolutely sure there will be intrigue, heartbreak, and drunken frat party antics this season, but that’s not why we’re *really* watching this time.
We have ulterior motives…and a job for you to do for which you will be greatly rewarded both onscreen and off!
Our goal–our quest if you will–is to use Drucilla’s season of The Bachelorette to accomplish one task and one task only:
Those of you who are new readers might not know this, but The Dose of Reality is all about Arie Luyendyk Jr. when it comes to The Bachelor. He’s dashing, sexy, smart, funny, and it just so happens that kissing is his best thing. If there was an Olympic medal for kissing, he’d be on the podium listening to the National Anthem with a gold medal around his neck. That’s the level of kissing mastery we’re talking about here.
(Did you click on those hyperlinks in the previous paragraph? You need to….no you REALLY need to if you’re going to join our mission. We’ll wait.)
Ever since he was cruelly cast aside by Emily in her season of The Bachelorette (see, this is why you can’t trust The Bachelorettes) we’ve been
using every available opportunity making small attempts here and there to ensure Arie is the next Bachelor.
But now we’re ready to take it to the next level. This is where you come in.
For real, y’all! We kid around about a lot of things, but NOT about Arie.
Now, we know you’d want to help us out of the goodness of your own heart (and because of your own Arie love obvi), but we want to sweeten the pot and give one of our fantastic readers the gift package of a lifetime.
Interested? You should be!
We want you, our precious Dose Peeps, to help us campaign for Arie to be the next Bachelor. No, we’re not kidding. Yes, we mean it.
Stumped on what to say? NO PROBLEM!! Here are some sample tweets that you can cut and paste:
You must read this @ariejr ! The future of kissing depends on it! http://www.thedoseofreality.com/2013/05/27/arie/ Help @TheDoseTweets, help you! #TheBachelorette
We want @ariejr as the next #Bachelor! Make it happen @fleissmeister ! http://www.thedoseofreality.com/2013/05/27/arie/ All of us @TheDoseTweets are counting on you!
~@ariejr you must be the next Bachelor. RT this or Cupid will get a canker sore! http://www.thedoseofreality.com/2013/05/27/arie/ Help @TheDoseTweets keep hope alive!
You will get one entry in the prize pack giveaway for each tweet. There is no limit to the amount of entries you can accumulate. If you do 5000 tweets you will have 5000 entries. We’re just saying, you can determine your own fate based on how fast you can type. In this case less is not more.
Want to know what you can win? (besides the pleasure of seeing Arie on your screen for two hours every week if our genius plan works)
The Ultimate Kissing Prize Pack will include (but is not limited to):
- Lip balm (Bonnie Bell Lip Smackers if we can find them)
- Breath mints (probably Altoids Smalls depending on Walgreens stock)
- An autographed 6×8 photo card of Arie in his racing gear (if we win the ebay auction…fingers crossed!)
- A cut out of Arie himself which will be handmade by us and laminated as long as Kinkos doesn’t charge an arm and a leg. (This will be your own personal “Flat Arie” for photo ops and kissing practice) ♥♥
- There will be more goodies as well! You never know what we might find at Party City or Dollar Tree. The sky’s the limit!**
**Actual Arie, unfortunately, is not included. We aren’t affiliated with ABC or The Bachelor in any official capacity. We don’t book his appearances. In fact, the restraining order stipulates we must stay 100 feet from Mr. Luyendyk, Jr. at all times.
♥♥ Simulated “Flat Arie” photograph to illustrate potential photo op possibilities:
This once-in-a-lifetime opportunity ends on Friday, May 31st at 10 pm EST. So act fast! The winner will be drawn using random.org and will be contacted via Twitter on Saturday, June 1st. We will announce the winner to the world in a very special post on Monday, June 3rd. You know you want it to be you!
Good luck and happy tweeting!!
P.S. You didn’t *really* think we’d end this post without giving you what you came for, did you? Enjoy…