“Arie” Ready To Choose The Next Bachelor Now, Fleiss?!

Dear Mike Fleiss, ruler of our Monday nights, producer of the finest reality programming ever to grace our television screens, and mastermind behind the entire Bachelor empire:

It is time to get serious. No more fun and games.

Time is running out on Denise’s season of The Bachelorette (thank God!), which means that you must choose the next Bachelor right now. It’s decision time, Mr. Fleiss. The way we see it, you have three ways to go here.

1) You can choose the man, the myth, the legend…the one who makes hearts race, lips purse, and who caused the biggest swooning epidemic since Leo and Kate stood on the bow of that ship. A man so hot air conditioners spontaneously combust in his presence, so smart he uses proper grammar (and you *know* how rare that is for someone involved with The Bachelor/Bachelorette franchise), and with such a great sense of humor that he laughs when we take his flat likeness out on adventures!

Yippee ki yay

The choice that any right thinking person would make: Arie Luyendyk Jr.

2) One of the “special” guys currently courting Debra this season. This gives you Chris–a guy who pops his suit jacket collar (something we didn’t even do in the 80’s…we know, we were young back then), Brooks–an adult who has not yet mastered the art of the daily shampoo and sports the Canadian tuxedo look regularly, Zak–who started this show without a shirt and is leaving it without dignity, or Drew–who is handsome, kind, sweet and so obviously gay that we really have a friend who we want to set him up with (Doug? Are you reading this?).

3) Third time’s a charm for Brad Womack.

The third option leaves us feeling desperate, hopeless, and praying for a cable outage.

The second option is the worst possible scenario since Michael Jackson walked Liza Minnelli down the aisle to marry David Gest. Besides being bad dressers and somewhat hygiene challenged, this crop of suitors is BORING. B-O-R-I-N-G. We have already had to endure Daphne’s snoozefest of a season and cannot possibility take another second of these fellas.

That really leaves you with only one clear choice, Fleiss.

Arie for The Bachelor

Surely you are picking him, right, Mike? RIGHT, MIKE?!?

We know you are a busy mogul with lots of things to do, so we took the liberty of mocking up a few potential Bachelor Arie dates using our Flat Arie. We used ourselves as stand-ins for the contestants.  (Sorry, we are not actually available for filming…we don’t live near L.A. and our passports are expired). [And, we are married.-Lisa] [Oh yeah, that, too.-Ashley]

Date #1:

Train Date

We think the perfect spot for this would be in Branson, Missouri. That would be a step up from Pigeon Forge where you sent him the last time, right?

Date #2:

Race Track Date

You’ve got to put him in his element, duh! He’ll take the pole position. Oh, yeah.

Date #3:

Western Date

We know you’ve got to have the cross-promotional movie date each season! Hello there Lone Ranger 2!!

See, wouldn’t those be great?

America wants this Mr. Fleiss.

So, grab a rowboat and stay tuned to your Twitter feed…it is about to get flooded.

SIncerely,

Sincerely The Dose Girls

PSSSSST: Hey Dose Peeps, we need your help now. Remember last time we had an Arie Twitter campaign? You all tweeted your hearts out, and one lucky Dose Peep won the prize of a lifetime for her efforts.

Well, we are doing it again!

All you need to do is tweet this post to Arie and Mike Fleiss, and you will be entered into a drawing for our most exciting prize ever: The Arie Dream Date Prize Pack.

The Arie Dream Date Prize Pack will include (but is not limited to):

  • Your very own Flat Arie for photo ops and wherever else your imagination takes you.
  • A dining experience (if we can find a BOGO entree coupon that hasn’t expired in our Citipass Coupon books).
  • One AMC movie pass and a certificate for 2 small sodas at your nearest Regal Cinema (sorry these are for different movie theaters, but it is all we have leftover from our birthday gifts).
  • A movie so exciting and special we guarantee it will take up permanent residence in your DVD player. We will not reveal the title of this film until we award the prize package because you’d be too excited to tweet properly, but we’ve already purchased it from Amazon.com and it features Arie himself. (Get your minds out of the gutter. It is wholesome and fun for the whole family!)
  • And more, more, more within the confines of our dollar aisle budget and our limited imaginations (Remember, our last actual dates occurred before the Internet or cell phones existed and back when the Model-T was a happen’ ride).

Stumped on what to say? NO PROBLEM!! Here are some sample tweets that you can cut and paste:

~@fleissmeister don’t let America & @TheDoseTweets down. You love America, don’t you? http://www.thedoseofreality.com/2013/07/15/arie-2/ Pick @ariejr to be The Bachelor

~@fleissmeister there is only ONE choice for the next #Bachelor and it’s @ariejr ! Make @TheDoseTweets happy! http://www.thedoseofreality.com/2013/07/15/arie-2/

~@ariejr will make hearts race as the next #Bachelor & @TheDoseTweets are revved up to tell @fleissmeister about it! http://www.thedoseofreality.com/2013/07/15/arie-2/

In case you need any further reason to go on this Twitter campaign with us, you should know that our previous winner Kat Biggie had her life changed forever when she won the Ultimate Kissing Prize Pack…

“When my package arrived from The Dose Girls, and I saw my very own Flat Arie my life truly began. Up until that moment I didn’t really know what happiness looked like. Now, Flat Arie sleeps with me (my husband has fully embraced our new bedmate!), he rides in the car with me, and my daughter wants to take him to school for show and tell (yeah right!). Dose Girls, I will gladly accept a rose from you any day because winning the Ultimate Kissing Prize Pack is better than winning the lottery!” -Kat Biggie**

**Disclaimer: Her actual statement was, “Hey, thanks.” We read between the lines.

Because this Twitter campaign is SO IMPORTANT, we are running it for 2 weeks. So, between right this minute and 11:00 p.m. on Tuesday, July 23rd tweet as much as your fingers will allow. Each tweet is a separate entry. Go to Twitter jail if have to. Mark it on your to-do list so you remember to tweet it every day. More is definitely better. This mission is just that important.

It’s so important, in fact, that if The Dose Nation makes it happen, we will not only recap EVERY SINGLE Arie filled episode (oh, yes we will)…we will even treat you to our first official VLOG ever! (No, that’s not a threat. It’s a promise. You’re welcome.)

We will announce the winner of The Arie Dream Date Prize Pack in a very special post on Thursday, August 1st.

Stay tuned and tweet like it’s your day job!

No Flat Arie’s were harmed in the writing of this post. Any resemblance to the real Arie is totally intentional because…have you SEEN him?! Wow! All references to the Bachelor empire and its lord, Mike Fleiss, were only meant to entice and encourage Tweeting. The Dose Girls were in no way compensated for their efforts or encouraged by ABC, Arie Luyendyk, Jr. or Mike Fleiss. We  have the Cease and Desist orders to prove it. We just love America and want what’s best for Bachelor viewers everywhere!

PS. You didn’t really think we’d leave you hanging without THE KISSING VIDEO, did you? You know we love you more than that!

 


Comments

“Arie” Ready To Choose The Next Bachelor Now, Fleiss?! — 91 Comments

    • You rock, Janine! We love you, too!! Only a *really* good friends help support each other’s reality tv obsessions! 😀

    • Well, we’re not sure about that, Nicole! If we can get a whole season of Arie, that’s all the bonus we need! 😀

  1. You know, I’ll be tweeting this since I am thoroughly disappointed in this season’s guys. You aren’t kidding with the snooze fest. If they can’t get Arie, why don’t they go with a hot celebrity? Say…maybe…Taylor Kitsch?

    • Hahahahahaha! We feel you, AnnMarie. This season’s guys…ugh. I can’t imagine the boring show that would be created around them. YUCK! No thanks!!

      If it can’t be Arie (which would crush us) we’d be all for your beloved Taylor Kitsch. We girls have to stick together! 😀

    • Thanks, Andrea!! If Arie is picked we will convert you yet!! 😀 That will be our mission!!! You’ll thank us, we promise!

    • You go, girl!! Twitter jail is nothing to fear–not if it can get us a season of Arie!! (and potentially get one lucky winner Flat Arie and other goodies of their own!!)

    • We thought that was an especially inspired date, Ginny Marie! Plus…natural movie tie in! It’a a win-win!!

      We hope we have such a joyous occasion to mark our first Vlog. Fingers crossed!!

  2. how did you know I was sleeping with my flat Arie?? I laughed all the way through this post! as soon as I am done getting my hair did, my twitter campaign for Arie will begin!!

    • It was an educated guess, Alexa!! 😀

      You go on with your bad, contest winning self!! Lightening could strike twice!! Imagine what you could do with TWO Flat Aries!!

  3. If this is successful, I’m going to start watching… I never thought I would consider such a thing. I don’t even have twitter but I am cheering wildly and laughing from the sidelines.

    • Oh, Robin!! We are beaming with pride!! Another Bachelor viewer is potentially born!! Hahahahahaha!! Hey, it’s not like discovering penicillin, but we’ll take it as our finest (potential) accomplishment!!

    • Hahahahaha! Thanks, Karen! It’s funny you say that because we had a bit of a Twilight movie marathon here over the weekend. We understand your fangirling!! 😀

  4. Oh, decision day is here! Best of luck, Dose Girls – I hope your wish comes true! :)
    PS – I am Canadian, but I had to Google ‘Canadian Tuxedo’ – I had no idea! :)

    • Oh, no!! We hope we did not offend your Canadian sensibilities! Forgive us, Kim!! (And forgive Brooks for foisting this upon North American television viewers!) 😀

    • Bwahahahaha. That’s the spirit, Rabia!! You know we’d never be so cruel as to skip the kissing video!!

    • Eva, Eva, EVA!! You are breaking our little Dose-y hearts over here. *sob* Have you seen the video? He’s so…Arie-tastic!! *sniffle*

  5. I tweeted for you guys since I’m now a third member of the Dose Girls so I have to join in with your obsession…err… i mean love for this guy and the show.

    :)

    • Yessssssssssssssss!!! There’s plenty of room on the couch at the Bachelor viewing party! You sit right here next to us, Khloe! Whoo Hoo!!

    • Thanks, Kita. If he is chosen you will *totally* have to watch. If he’s not chosen….wait, we can’t even entertain that possibility right now. It’s too devastating!

    • Thanks so much, Cara Lyn!! We hope to be writing a new Arie post every Tuesday during his season. Fingers crossed!! 😀

  6. I loved that you failed to ever use Desiree’s correct name in your post – too funny! I don’t “tweet,” but good luck to those who do! You ladies are too funny today!

    • Hahahaha. Thanks, Debbie!! We can never remember Doreen’s name correctly when we’re writing. She’s just that boring. Bah!!

    • Hahahaha. Naw. We don’t think any politicians are as good looking or as fun to watch kissing as Arie. They also probably wouldn’t enjoy us putting their heads on different bodies. They don’t sound like a fun group at all.

  7. At the cost of possibly being banned from your site for life…I don’t watch the Bachelor. (insert *GASP* here) I have no clue who Arie is although he is smoking hot. You almost make me want to watch the show…almost. Because I feel I owe you something for all the laughter you’ve given me, I will blindly tweet whatever you tell me too:-)

    • Hahahahahaha! We would never ban you, Allie!! You recognize the hotness. That’s what really counts! We will totally try to convert you to a watcher if he is chosen, though. Just be prepared!! :)

    • He’s the natural choice, right?!! We think Drew must be the one to go, right?! He can only keep of the facade of being attracted to her for so long, right?. Either that or Zak because…it’s Zak. We can’t believe he’s lasted this long, frankly.

    • Hahahahahaha. Oh, Stacey…if only! 😀 We will be satisfied with seeing him every week on the show.

  8. If it’s important to you girls, then it’s important to me! Plus you make me laugh so sending a few dozen tweets is the least I can do in return! Love, love, love the pictures of the ideas for dates!

    • Aw, Mo!! You’re the best!! You keep on tweeting and you just might get a Flat Arie delivered right to your door!!

    • O…M…Geeeeeee! THE BALCONY OF TEARS!!! That was really one of the all-time series high points. LAWD!!
      This is high praise, indeed, coming from a Bachelor recapper legend like you!! 😀

  9. Getting to this post late. I would’ve totally ignored my deadlines had I known the kissing video was involved. I should have known! I am so tweeting the heck out of this. I want the prize pack!

    And Aire’s got good grammar? That just might get me to watch the Bachelor. When when get Arie on, of course.

    • It is never too late for this campaign…we appreciate all the support we can get! 😉
      Good grammar…WE KNOW, right!! :)

  10. You girls CRACK ME UP with these photo opps! How Arie has not proposed to both of you by now is beyond me! I love you girls and this crazy awesome blog!

  11. Even though my lips are terribly chapped because I didn’t win the last contest that included some chapstick, I can set my disappointment aside for the sake of your Arie dreams. You’re my friends, and I want you to be happy.

  12. I am loving the pictures with Flat Arie!!! They are just hilarious!!!
    Aren’t we all owed a GREAT new season after Des the DUD???

  13. Pingback: Diva Dashing Our Way To Pro-Health - The Dose of Reality

  14. Pingback: Telling It Like It Is...Hey, Wait A Minute!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *