Would You Rather: Have A Wedding Disaster Involving Jorts Or Cockroaches?

Respectively, Lisa and I have been married to our hubbies for over a decade each (Lisa has almost reached the TWO decade mark), so with each passing year the anniversary celebrations get a little more low-key. Like they have gone from fancy restaurant dinners by candlelight to cheese gorditas in front of the TV.

We know, y’all, we know.

So when we were planning out our week on the blog, I happened to mention that today was my anniversary. Which, of course led us to a conversation about weddings and what would make them a disaster. Beyond a runaway bride or a hungover groom puking all over the minister’s shoes.

Ashley: Oh my God, can you even imagine if there had a disaster at your wedding? Like what if your dress got tucked into your pantyhose moments before you walked down the aisle?

Lisa: Or your groom totally knocked your veil right off your head when he kissed you at altar like my husband did?

Ashley: Overall, my wedding was disaster free, unless you count our absolute inability to dance. I mean, we were worse than a couple 12 year-olds slow dancing to a Richard Marx tune! Thank God, we got married before You Tube existed.

Lisa: Having seen the video of the dance you speak of, thank God is right. That was just sad. And long. I thought it would never end.

Ashley: I KNOW (using my best Monica voice from Friends). Robert was in charge of the wedding song. I would have gone with the shortest song ever.

Lisa: Ironically, the shortest song ever is actually called “You Suffer”. You just can’t make this kind of stuff up.

Ashley: That.Is.Awesome.

The more we talked, the more we realized how much fun it would be to do a wedding themed Would You Rather for the week. Involving disasters…but Dose Girl kind of disasters…not ACTUAL disasters.

Picture yourself on your wedding day, in your dress, all ready to walk down the aisle to your waiting groom. Your bridesmaids look beautiful in their dresses, and the groomsmen look handsome in their tuxedos. And then you spy your husband-to-be waiting for you at the altar.

And instead of the tuxedo you know was ordered to go with the rest of the wedding party, he is wearing a tank top and jorts.

Oh yes he is.

You will have to pledge your undying love and commitment to a man wearing JORTS.

All of your wedding photos…you in your bridal gown and your hubby in JORTS.

Jorts Groom

The mental image is kind of jarring, isn’t it?

But at the end of the day, the only person who really suffers in this situation is you (and your wedding album)…and of course, your new hubby later when your wedding night is your first big fight!

So, our other scenario is more about your guests….

The wedding goes off without a hitch. You and the groom look amazing, and everyone heads off to the reception talking about how it was the most beautiful ceremony they have ever attended.

The doors open to the reception, and everything looks great. All the guests take their seats, and the food starts to come out. It is at this moment that everyone starts to notice that something is amiss. Maybe a female guest feels something brush across the top of her open-toed wedge sandals. Or maybe out of the corner of someone’s eye they spy something brown. It takes about two more seconds for the realization to occur that your entire reception site is infested with cockroaches.

They are on the tables, they are running across people’s feet, and they are even in the food!

WYRCockroaches2Image

Can I offer anyone an additional roll?

Needless to say, the memories from your wedding will no longer center around the guests talking about how they had never seen so many roses in a bridal bouquet before or how touching your handwritten vows were.

Oh no, you will be the cockroach infestation wedding. Forever.

So, Dose Peeps, tell us in the comments….

Would you rather walk down the aisle on your wedding day to find your groom waiting for you in a tank top and jorts OR have a cockroach infestation take over your reception?

 

 


Comments

Would You Rather: Have A Wedding Disaster Involving Jorts Or Cockroaches? — 111 Comments

  1. UGH! Just the picture of those cockroaches on the bread are making me gag on my morning coffee so thanks for that. Since I was married on a beach, I’m going with the Jorts! Still gross and I definitely would not have any of the wedding photos up that I have now but I just can’t take cockroaches!!!!

  2. I was such a low-key bride…I let my mom pick out most of the wedding shiz, but I did have one simple request…NO “LOVE SHACK” will be played at MY reception!!!
    Guess what song played for the bouquet/garter toss?
    Yup. Love Shack baby. And…
    I grew up in a house shared with roaches. gah. It’s jorts for me.

    • LOL Adrienn! Love Shack is classic…that is hilarious!
      Being from Texas, I have seen my fair share of roaches, too! πŸ˜‰

  3. Well, my dad did jokingly ask to wear shorts to my sister’s wedding (I blogged about it) and he has been known to wear jorts, although his a slightly more flattering than you photo… so wearing jorts isn’t that far from my reality…

    And a fashion faux pas is almost always better than bugs. Hands down!

  4. Jorts, jorts, jorts! You guys have read my blog. You know how I feel about ants so you can imagine how I feel about cockroaches. Plus, as jarring as that picture is and OMG, it is, look at the funny story I would be able to tell on my future blog. And…I’m thinking of all the things I could do in the name of the jorts. “Honey, I’m going on a girls’ weekend in the Bahamas.” “No, we don’t—-” “You ruined our wedding by wearing jorts so I am going.”

  5. Jorts. No question. Fun fact: Our reception was outside in 100 degree weather, so my husband would have loved to have some sexy jorts and a tank to wear instead of his black tux. My father actually changed out of his wedding gear and for our father daughter dance he was wearing shorts. But not jorts.

    Happy anniversary, Ashley!

    • Love that your dad did that…after reading your amazing post about him, it doesn’t surprise me! What a fun memory! :)

  6. Jorts! For certain! I’ll take the jorts! It’s better than you asking *me* if I’d rather wear a bikini to my wedding or get married bald!

  7. Jorts for sure. Have you ever watched Arrested Development? I can’t think of jorts and not think of that show. My husband has quite nice legs and a quite nice butt – why not share the love? Roaches…shudder, shudder! I’m stalking this blog today to see if anyone chooses roaches!

  8. Jorts for the win! The idea of cockroaches makes me vomity. And HAPPY ANNIVERSARY to the cutest couple ever, with the cutest kiddos on the block. xoxo

  9. Oh I don’t know. Cockroaches are disgusting but jorts. Sadly I wasn’t even sure what you were talking about at first. I don’t remember even eating at my wedding. I’m pretty sure most of our guests were more concerned with the open bar than the food (we were very young) so maybe I’ll buck the tide here and go with cockroaches.

    • Good for you Michelle! Way to go the other way on this one…we’ll just assume the roaches stay away from the open bar! πŸ˜‰

  10. Oh I’m totally going with the jorts!!! Cockroaches are gross and creepy and just YUCK!!! Besides, mu hubby (and his groomsmen friends) are cut-ups. The jorts are something they might have actually done if he didn’t think my mom would have killed him! :-)

    • LOL! Yes, I am confident my mother would not have found that prank funny in the least either!! πŸ˜‰

  11. Happy anniversary Ashley and Robert. You really were lucky with your wedding. Good planning of course, but also lucky. There’s so much that could have gone wrong but nothing did. At least that I remember.
    This is a good question, can’t decide because either way its ruined.

  12. Are there cameras involved?? Because jorts in your wedding is forever in your album. At some point, you’ll move on past the cockroaches. Really. Jorts are “your fault”… roaches are not. And for the record, I have it on tape (vhs no less) when the Rooster proclaimed “I be wed” instead of “I THEE wed”. No joke.

    happy anniversary!!!

    • LOL! That is an awesome moment to have forever captured on VHS…love it! :) Yes, forever and ever, your wedding album will contain jorts!

  13. Happy Anniversary!!! First of all I can so relate to the decline of anniversary celebrating.
    I would go with jorts – even though the idea of that is just horrifying! Can you even imagine ever ever ever being able to put that grudge aside???

    • Thanks friend! :) Can you even imagine how much that would suck forever to know your hubby did that to you??!! πŸ˜‰

  14. You know I’m going for the JORTS! Matter of fact I should have done that back in 2008. That would have been one heck of a memory! We’re both discussing weddings on the blog today! Go figure.

  15. This is a tough, tough call! I think I’d have to go with the cockroaches, because I would be devastated looking at our wedding pictures years later… at least everyone would REALLY remember the reception! And hey, we could run out and go eat at Applebees or something! LOL. I bet we’d get a refund on the reception hall!

  16. First off, Happy Anniversary!! :)

    Secondly, that’s just wrong…both of those! If you go with the jorts, you can fume or maybe laugh or play it down or something, but the humiliation! And then the fact that it will be talked about and laughed about for ages!

    Cockroaches…*shivers* Nasty! However, you can blame the place and make a scene and demand a refund and everyone will know it is not your fault and sympathize for life, though the horror story will be shared for life.

    I just don’t know. Honestly, I think I’d rather take the cockroaches. I’d rather they see my husband as sane and all that (and not think I had horrible taste in men or that he was a loser for life) and think the place I had the reception was horrible to not get rid of their cockroach issues and stand behind me working at getting that refund. Maybe I’m odd that way, but if you worked the angle right, you might even get a replacement reception free. *shrugs* All in all, tough decision.

    Oh, and if my hubby had shown up in jorts…I totally would’ve turned around and walked out. Period. The wedding would’ve been off for sure, not because I can’t take a joke, but because I think that’s totally disrespectful unless the wedding dress code was jorts and minis, of course. And if there had been cockroaches, this normally sweet woman would’ve turned into a bridezilla to end all bridezillas. Just being real, y’all!

    • Absolutely LOVE this reply Julie!! It is just awesome in every way…I love that you really weighed it out so well, and you were 100% right in everything you said! :)

  17. Ashley had a really nice wedding, good food, nice hotel, fun guests. Happy Anniversary! I’m a guy, so would the bride wear jorts? That would be fine. What made you think of cockroaches? It’s not like there were any in Houston where you got married.

    • LOL! No cockroaches at our reception thank God…we just tried to think of what would be horrifying for the guests! πŸ˜‰

  18. Seriously!?!?!? I can’t even read the second option you guys! I vote JORTS!! He could wear jorts every single day of our marriage as long as I don’t have to look at that second option. I’ve got the heebie jeebies just thinking about it and I’m all twitchy!

  19. Oh my! Talk about wedding disasters! My first reaction was jorts b/c the thought of cockroaches crawling all over the place skeeves me out! But I like the rationale you can’t be blamed for the slimy little bastards but you can be ridiculed for marrying a d-bag. Tough call. I’ll go for eloping to Hawaii. Jorts on the beach won’t seem so out of place & I’ll ask photographer for lots of close-ups of our tan, happy faces!

  20. ummm…I’d say Jorts! I can control a man…make everyone stop the wedding (after all it it is MY day) and make him change…and even if he didn’t have anything to change into..i’d do something a bit more embarrassing to him..payback’s a what…??? yup!!

    As far as the roaches…eeewwwwwww,….can’t control those suckers!

  21. Ugh! The thought of the cockroaches are making my skin crawl. I take it “neither” is not an option. I’d have to pick jorts…especially since I’m already married and we had an absolutely lovely wedding.

  22. OK, so if my husband was wearing jorts that would be a raging sign that he bats for the other team, so I would run away on my horse like Julia Roberts!
    Unless, it was a bet where his groomsmen were going to pay him several thousand to wear those, then I’d go with jorts…otherwise – I would take the roach room and have everybody u-turn to the nearest I-Hop! πŸ˜‰ j/k

  23. I would take jorts every day of the week and twice on Sunday before having a wedding where there was even a single cockroach, not to mention an infestation!

    Happy anniversary!!!

  24. Yes ladies. It’s jorts. I can always Photoshop and act like I don’t know what the heck people are talking about. The roaches creep me out. Even worse than jorts.Which I didn’t know was a word until now. You taught me something.

  25. Yeah, that’s not even a tough question. Jorts might be horrible, but they aren’t as creepy and disgusting as roaches. (Not quite, anyway.) But I had a pretty laid-back, casual western wedding, so stuff like what everyone was wearing didn’t stress me out too much. I actually ended up putting my bridesmaids in boots and jeans instead of ugly dresses, which I’m pretty sure made me the nicest bride ever. :)

  26. Yes, congrats and happy anniversary! I would have to choose the wardrobe malfuntion over the infestation because let’s face it. People would still have a great time with a silly looking groom. But roaches, they have babies inside their babies, and they just won’t die. When they say the more the merrier, I think they should have excluded them crawly critters. Ewwww!

  27. I would absolutely, positively take the jorts over the cockroaches. My toes are itchy right now just from reading your post! My kids and I play “would you rather” all the time – I’m going to ask them this one. You ladies are brilliant!

    • Thanks Dana! My kids love to play Would You Rather, too…their questions tend to involve eating disgusting food! πŸ˜‰

  28. I would take the jorts any day of the week. Just after reading this post, I feel like there are cockroaches walking all around me. Ahhhh! Plus, I’d get a darn good blog post out of the jorts fiasco.

  29. I *hate* roaches…the best valentine’s day present my husband ever gave me was smashing the crap out of a roach that was hiding in the shower to attack me so I would run out of the bathroom screaming and soaking wet. That being said, I would take the roaches over jorts….you can blame someone else for that and leaving is possible. If I had seen my husband dressed in those on our wedding day I never would have made it down the aisle!

  30. Umm definitely the jorts! No question! Honestly, my husband would be mortified, so I would find it kind of hilarious. Plus, we could always Photoshop a suit on him. And he’d look sexy anyway. But a cockroach infestation? You just can’t come back from that!! People would never stop talking about it.

    Your husband knocked your veil off your head, Lisa?!?!?! I hope it didn’t mess up your hair!! How embarrassing!!

    Also, on the subject of dancing-my dad came and physically separated me and my husband because he thought we were dancing “too sexy” πŸ˜€

  31. Jorts all the way. I can’t imagine seeing one disgusting roach! Yuck! With Jorts – we’ll have something to laugh about for years!!!

  32. I totally had to scroll SO fast past the smockmoaches because I can’t handle it AT ALL so hooray for JORTS!!! Pink jorts, holey jorts, lace jorts…anything but the alternative OMG

    • OMG Nellie, this comment made me BURST out laughing! I so wish I had made the question about lacy, pink jorts!! :)

  33. Gotta go with jorts.- at least the wedding would be memorable – with a chuckle instead of a shudder. :)

  34. I love a man in jorts. Way less freaky than the roaches. Gosh, those scare me to death. My husband thinks my bug fear is irrational since in fact I could easily step on them and end their tormenting me. But I don’t. I have to drop a paper towel and then something heavy on it to make sure it’s dead and then have my husband pick it up. Yep, he’s been cleaning up my smushed beyond oblivion bugs for more than a decade, whether he wears jorts or not, he’s a keeper :)

    • This is the best comment ever Tanya…I have been known to leave the dead bugs for my hubby to pick up as well!! πŸ˜‰

  35. I have a friend whose new husband picked the song for their first dance. He picked “She’s No Lady; She’s My Wife”. Yes, he did. And they’re still married thirteen years later!

  36. Holy. Cow. I thought I was going to be able to handle the cockroaches. After all, I seem to pick up dead ones on an almost daily basis. But… noooo… can’t do it. It’s going to have to be the jorts for me.

    • Love that you thought you had one answer and then had to go in the other direction instead! πŸ˜‰

  37. no? BUT I look at it this way, I would first insist that we all go somewhere else to party down. Then I would sue the pants off of the venue to get more than my $$ back and host an amazing vow renewal where everything would actually be β€˜perfect’!

    Aside from that have a happy…and jorts/roach-free anniversary!

    • Solid plan…I kind of didn’t think about the ability to sue the place and potentially make money off the deal! πŸ˜‰

  38. Jorts. Without question. First, I would totally laugh because it would be hilarious to see my husband in them and second, I’d be able to change right after the ceremony without any guilt (not into jorts, btw!) No to the bugs, nope, no way. The thought of them running over a peep toe…ewww.

  39. Well this is going to show off my selfishness, but the thought of all my wedding pictures being ruined leads me to go with the infestation. I mean we can always order pizza and move outside right, but when it is all over the pictures are all we have to remember the day!

    • Could not agree with you more…I still love looking at my wedding pictures, and I can’t imagine them ruined in that way!

  40. What the COCKROACHES!! I’m going with the jorts because my husband is funny as hell people will probably laugh it off but cockroaches? NO WAY!!

    • My hubby is funny, too, so I have a feeling people would have thought it was just a joke! Jorts for the win! πŸ˜‰

  41. Pingback: Would You Rather: Wedding Food Poisoning Or Honeymoon Food Poisoning? - The Dose of Reality

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