Have you ever been tired, but you just can’t sleep? No matter what you do, you still end up lying there performing that countdown thing in your head thinking, “If I go to sleep RIGHT NOW, I will still get 4 1/2 hours of sleep”?
Sometimes when that happens to me (if I am sleep-deprived enough to be making questionable choices) I grab my laptop and head to Pinterest to pass the time.
Pinterest really does have the answer to almost every problem.
Pinterest Nightmare #625: The Hibermate
No! This guy didn’t invent headgear for new summer game combining water polo and Marco Polo. He’s just getting ready for bed with his Hibermate!
The Hibermate is the ultimate in sleep mask technology. It doesn’t just block out all light with it’s luxury satin eye mask. No! It goes further! It protects the wearer from unwanted ambient noise by adding hard shell earmuffs to the equation. Who wouldn’t sleep like a baby strapped into this device?!
It also has the added bonus of making you look like you are staring in a revival of The Who’s 1975 musical Tommy! SCORE!
No matter what your sleeping problem is, the Hibermate solves it! Wife’s reading lamp keeping you up? Not when there’s a cozy eye mask affixed to your noggin! Snoring husband giving you fits? Pfft! Not even a problem with ear cups elasticized to your head! Can’t sleep due to hip or back pain? You’ll be so distracted by the Hibermate digging into your scalp, you won’t even remember you had other pain! It’s perfect!
But that’s not all! The Hibermate can be useful in a non-sleep setting, too!
If you want to discourage conversation with the person sitting next to you on an airplane, whip out your Hibernate and they have virtually disappeared! If you want to ensure nobody will sit next to you on the bus, strapping on a Hibermate will guarantee that other commuters will be giving you plenty of personal space! Sit back and enjoy the ride, baby. It’s basically a DO NOT DISTURB sign for your face!
I do have one concern. If I am sleeping cut off from all light and sound, how will I know to kick my husband awake when the kids start yelling for a glass of water? For that matter, how will I know it’s morning if I can’t hear the alarm clock serenading me with my Ultimate Manilow playlist?
Oh, Pinterest. No…just no.