Pinterest Nightmare #625: The Hibermate

Have you ever been tired, but you just can’t sleep? No matter what you do, you still end up lying there performing that countdown thing in your head thinking, “If I go to sleep RIGHT NOW, I will still get 4 1/2 hours of sleep”?

Sometimes when that happens to me (if I am sleep-deprived enough to be making questionable choices) I grab my laptop and head to Pinterest to pass the time.

Pinterest really does have the answer to almost every problem.

BEHOLD…

Pinterest Nightmare #625: The Hibermate

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As pinned from http://www.ohgizmo.com/

No! This guy didn’t invent headgear for new summer game combining water polo and Marco Polo. He’s just getting ready for bed with his Hibermate!

The Hibermate is the ultimate in sleep mask technology. It doesn’t just block out all light with it’s luxury satin eye mask. No! It goes further! It protects the wearer from unwanted ambient noise by adding hard shell earmuffs to the equation. Who wouldn’t sleep like a baby strapped into this device?!

It also has the added bonus of making you look like you are staring in a revival of The Who’s 1975 musical Tommy! SCORE!

No matter what your sleeping problem is, the Hibermate solves it! Wife’s reading lamp keeping you up? Not when there’s a cozy eye mask affixed to your noggin! Snoring husband giving you fits? Pfft! Not even a problem with ear cups elasticized to your head!Β Can’t sleep due to hip or back pain? You’ll be so distracted by the Hibermate digging into your scalp, you won’t even remember you had other pain! It’s perfect!

But that’s not all! The Hibermate can be useful in a non-sleep setting, too!

If you want to discourage conversation with the person sitting next to you on an airplane, whip out your Hibernate and they have virtually disappeared! If you want to ensure nobody will sit next to you on the bus, strapping on a Hibermate will guarantee that other commuters will be giving you plenty of personal space! Sit back and enjoy the ride, baby. It’s basically a DO NOT DISTURB sign for your face!

I do have one concern. If I am sleeping cut off from all light and sound, how will I know to kick my husband awake when the kids start yelling for a glass of water? For that matter, how will I know it’s morning if I can’t hear the alarm clock serenading me with my Ultimate Manilow playlist?

Oh, Pinterest. No…just no.


Comments

Pinterest Nightmare #625: The Hibermate — 99 Comments

  1. Don’t forget about being able to ignore and/or embarrass your kids with this thing! Show up at your kids game wearing this baby and you could get a nice nap! No one will come near you – probably not even your kids. That’s a win/win.

    • Allie, you are a genius. If I whip this puppy out at various sporting events my kids will be BEGGING me to stay at home and never do carpool again. I like the way you think. πŸ˜€

  2. That thing just frightens me so and I am with you on this, just say no to it!! Ok, felt like Nancy Reagan there for a moment, but you get my point, lol!! :)

  3. See I think the easier thing would be to find the one gene in a man that makes it possible for them to fall asleep, anywhere, at the drop of a hat, within seconds of simply stopping movement. You can find and bottle that right there, boom instant millionaire..

    • What are you waiting for, Robin??!! This is a million dollar idea for sure! And now that so many people use earbuds for music…they could listen to sweet tunes as they drift off to sleep…have earplugs for noise control while they slumber…and then EAR PLUG ALARM when the time is right. You’re a genius!!

  4. WHY do I find your pinterest finds kinda cool? Can I have one pretty please? for when the kids are driving me crazy and I just need a minute in the closet??

    • Bwahahahahaha. …even the human tooth necklace??!! I need someone like you on my gift list, Nellie. I would love to accept the challenge of finding the perfect gift for you! πŸ˜€

    • I think I wouldn’t be able to sleep WITH this on even if I didn’t need to hear the kids! (and I’d really hate to have elastic marks on my head when I woke up.

  5. 1. It looks painful. Maybe if it were silk or something, but I guess then it wouldn’t fit so snug and keep out the noise? *shrugs* 2. It would definitely make you miss work or whatever else you needed to get up for. No alarm is breaching that plastic/rubber mess! 3. What would happen if you woke up in the middle of the night and forgot you put it on? You’d like think you went blind and deaf and totally freak out and probably hurt yourself running around in a panic, assuming you didn’t break your leg when you fell out of bad on your way to running around and panicking. Can we say, “lawsuit”?!?! 4. Robbers of the world rejoice! Now you can rob the house at leisure – they will never see NOR hear you with that thing on! Again, lawsuit. 5. I seriously want to meet the people who come up with these so I can ask them all these questions. :) I bet they have the best lawyers and disclaimer statements known to man!

    • I can’t stop laughing!! If you woke up in the middle of the night you would be TOTALLY disoriented!! That could lead to disaster!!….and the robberies!! It would be a total free for all at your house. Bwahahahaha. I want you on the government team that has to think of disaster scenarios so that they can devise schemes to prevent them. You are good at this!! πŸ˜€

  6. I’m always tired and just can’t sleep. Pretty sure laying on hard plastic digging into my ear wouldn’t help. I do like the suggestion to use it on planes, especially if you made the mistake of making eye contact with the three year old in the seat in front of you.

    • That three year old who wants to kick your seat would be SCARRED FOR LIFE if he turned and saw you wearing this. And when he started crying, you wouldn’t even hear it. Maybe they need to sell these on flights instead of the in-flight headphones.

  7. I am actually someone who counts the number of hours I have to sleep. . .but I don’t know that this is the solution. First of all, my fear is that it would work its way from around my eyes and back of my head down to my neck and strangle me in my sleep! I think people should just stick to Ambien and a glass of wine (I meant OR a glass of wine OR. . .certainly not advocating liquor and drugs. . .ahem.) Thanks for this! A great laugh to get my day underway! πŸ˜‰

    • Bwahahaha. Yes, I do think a night in a Hibermate could end in a grizzly asphyxiation scenario tragedy. At least we only have to worry about sleep eating with Ambien.

  8. See, I have the massive problem of having a street light right outside my bedroom window AND having a husband who snores louder than a marching band. So, in a way, I would love to have something that could block out all light and sound because I might actually get a good sleep at night. However, this? Ummm… nope. Not quite there yet.

    Yes, I could probably fall asleep with this on, but I darn well know I would wake up with a massive headache the next morning. Exhaustion or headache? Exhaustion or headache? Decisions, decisions.

    • Not to mention the moment of panic you’d feel thinking you’d gone blind and deaf when you woke up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. That would be another type of headache to add into the mix!!

    • You are a trooper, Tamara!! I wouldn’t have made it through the day without your Tweets! (I was rocking in a corner as it was)…now I’m off to complete my Hostmonster voodoo doll. I think I’m going to give it stiletto nails.

    • Bwahahahahaha! I almost made this a twofer with the ostrich pillow, I really did!! πŸ˜€ I will say, I think an ostrich pillow is the better device when you’re out in public. …but I wonder if you could hear all the people laughing at you. I think there are holes by the ears. We might need to wear BOTH just to be sure we have all the bases covered.

  9. That is hysterical!!!
    I toss & turn and spend hours awake every night but I’m not desperate enough to resort to that contraption. Like you, it would cause me more stress because what if I NEED to actually hear something in the night?!

    • Even if I had trained my body to wake up at a certain time each morning, what if I need to hear the smoke alarm? What if I want to wake up without ear cup marks around the side of my head? There are just too many questions left to be answered.

  10. Its not quite the ultimate, they should have put that sling on it that prevents snoring. Your idea about using it on a plane is a good one.

    • Ooh, I don’t know anything about the sling. I need to Google that immediately. My husband is a snorer and I refuse to wear a Hibermate…so far.

    • Although they have lesser models for sale on their website, they still have a kickstarter for this model! I’m sure they’d love someone with deep pockets to fund them fully!!!

    • Oh, gurl….no, just no!! How will you go to sleep listening to your special CD from songs about kissing if you have ear cups over your ears?

  11. I can’t sleep most nights but it’s mostly because I worry about raising a teen so this would not help me at all. However I am thinking of getting one for Leo so that I can watch my reality TV way into the night without him complaining.

    • I am DYING!!! Now THAT use I could definitely get behind. Anything that could increase my TV viewing enjoyment is a force of good.

    • Yes! I think it would be almost as good as meggings for birth control purposes. That’s saying something.

  12. This was totally worth waiting for!! I am going to buy one for my insomniac husband, he never gets up for the kids in the middle of the night anyway. Now to decide if this is best for Christmas, a birthday, Father’s Day, or our anniversary…decisions, decisions…

    • Which ever one comes next, Rabia!! There you go! Now, you will probably have an adjustment period seeing him wearing it, but before you know it, you won’t even realize it’s there. (maybe)

    • People who have consumed copious amounts of alcohol are the only ones who’d probably wear this thing. Good call, Stevie! πŸ˜€

    • You *could*, Michelle, and that might help you sleep nicely, but what fun would that be? Would that be like sleeping in a sensory deprivation chamber? I don’t think so.

  13. Seeing that contraption reminds me of when I used to use a CPAP machine for my sleep apnea. Yikes! Talk about headgear gone wild. Where in the world do these ideas come from and why would someone think others would want it?

    • My father in law has a CPAP machine and he had the HARDEST TIME trying to get used to sleeping with it. I think the Hibermate would be even more difficult. At least you can turn your head to the side a bit without an ear cup digging into your face with a CPAP machine!!

  14. This is scary. I would forget I had it on, and wake up in the morning thinking I had gone blind and deaf during the night. That is just too much stress for an early Monday morning.

    • Hahahaha. EXACTLY, Tracie!! Can you imagine what it would be like to wake up that way? It would be absolutely terrifying!! I can’t imagine how long it would take for the elastic marks to leave your face…2 or 3 hours maybe?

  15. All this needs is something to stop up your nose, so you don’t smell poopy diaper invasions. Although I guess that could be bad if the kid likes to do art projects with his own poo.

    • If they added the nose feature, it would be almost like a sensory deprivation chamber. If you don’t mind a sensory deprivation chamber strapped to your head, of course.

    • Oh, girl, nooooooooooooooooooooo!!!! White noise is one thing, but this is just…hideous!! We won’t let the Hibermate get you, Ilene!! We won’t!!

    • My husband snores, too. If there were only a way to make THEM wear this contraption that would help us. I think if they put some sort of device on the mouth area, we might have it made. Then we could sleep on our sides in peace!

  16. I can’t tell you how disappointed I was after I first read this Friday morning and then came back to comment and couldn’t access your site! Glad you’re back up and running!

    Doesn’t this contraption look like a prop that might appear in the Fifty Shades of Gray movie?!

    • Aw! Thanks for trying again today, Nicole. MWAH!

      We’re on Hostmonster and they had an outage for almost 12 hours yesterday. We were…um…not amused! That is the nicest way I can put it.

      Good call on the Hibermate. It TOTALLY looks like it belongs in an adaption of “Fifty Shades of Gray”. TOTALLY.

  17. Ummm…. How in the world is that supposed to be comfy on your ears when you sleep?? Unless you sleep on your back the whole night with your head just so…. Yikes! That is definitely a NO!

  18. Oh, yes! This brings comfort to an entirely new level. I think it will be especially helpful since I sleep on my side. I’m sure the shell earmuffs will disappear….into my head. Boom! Brain surgery and a good nights sleep all in one. I really don’t know how you find all this amazing stuff!

    • You won’t be bothered by environmental noise if you are experiencing intense pain from the ear shells digging into your skull. Mission accomplished!

    • Exactly, Kristen! It’s almost too good to be true. I think the daytime applications might almost be better than using it for sleeping.

  19. I’m not gonna lie, I do like its potential as a person-who-won’t-leave-me-alone deterrent. However, those people are usually persistent enough to poke a person or lift the ear covers to get their attention. Then I’d have to pretend I’m dead. Plus, since I couldn’t hear or see them, they’d scare me to death as they tried to get my attention.

    Nah, I’ll stick to the pillow over my head to block the light and listening to Harry Potter as white noise. Man, has that saved me!

    • I’m quite certain those people who persist even when you are giving them EVERY SIGN you wish to be left alone will not be deterred if we play opossum, Robin. They just consider it more of a challenge to strike up a conversation.

  20. BEST Pinterest post yet!! The first five lines? 100% me! We’re totally twinsies πŸ˜€

    Sometimes I fall asleep with my head phones on and it’s the pain in my ear that usually wakes me up! Also, if my husband wore that to bed, I might scream in the middle of the night because who wants to see that next to you when you wake up in the dead of the night?!

    This is definitely not it, but I would SO love it if someone could come up with a passable do not disturb sign for the face. Sometimes I really, really need one!

    • Hahahahaha. Thanks, Xae. Like you, I’m not sure if it would be scarier to be the one wearing this contraption or to wake up in bed next to someone wearing it.

  21. Whenever I see horrible ideas like these, it makes me feel so much better about all my business ideas. Because at least they wouldn’t suck this much!

  22. If I had one of these, I’d definitely not be able to sleep because I sleep on my side. It makes me wonder… if you can’t hear or see, how would one know if someone tried to break into their home.

    • Good point, Jeanne. Or what if their smoke detector goes off? Or their dog is whining to go outside? These are the questions that keep me up at night…

  23. The next time i take a bus to NYC, i am rocking these and adding a fanny pack to the ensemble so I can grip my belongings in front of me while deaf and blind to the unknown world beyond the glasses/muffs.

    • I think this will ensure that people give you a wide berth, Kate!! The fanny pack addition is especially inspired. I don’t see any way this plan could lead to disaster.

    • BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! You win, Darcy!! This is the penultimate usage for these things. If the creator has ANY SENSE AT ALL, he will immediately be emailing every person in every PTA across the land. He will then retire on his mountain of money.

    • Good point. Their current color combo leaves a lot to be desired. It would be nice to have some variety. I’d also suggest a few neon colors to make sure there’s a choice to meet everyone’s needs.

    • YES…at least until the kids get back to school. Moms everywhere could use this thing at the end of the summer!

  24. No way. Your pinterest nightmares crack me up! You guys should do Vlogs of these as “infomercials” for these nightmare pins. So, here’s a bit of TMI: I sleep with my eyes open and my mouth open. It’s a scary sight. So if they could modify this one to cover my eyes and strap alongside my jaw to close my mouth, it’d be the prefect product for me!

    • I’m pretty sure my mouth hangs open plenty in my sleep (if my kids’ paparazzi style photos are any indication) but your EYES?! You might need to contact these people and see if they could rig something up for you with the eye-jaw combo. (But I’m not sure that wearing THAT device would be less disconcerting for people to see!)

      I’d consider the VLOG thing if I didn’t hate the way my voice sounded. It’s like the auditory equivalent of the hibermate…creepy.

  25. When I saw this I had a horrible vision of the damage over time to my head…of course it might be kind of cool to be one of the only people in the world to have a line of indentation all the way around my head…..

    • Bwahahahahahaha. SO TRUE. Over time you probably develop a permanent ridge all around the circumference of your head. It would take a lot of dermal filler injections to plump it back up. Imagine explaining THAT to your dermatologist!

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