Pinterest Nightmare #210: Bikini Jeans

The summer is slowly coming to an end.

Before you know it, lazy days spent at the pool will be replaced by hours raking leaves in the back yard.

But how do we dress in this awkward time when it’s no longer appropriate to wear shorts and sandals, but it’s not yet time for sweaters and boots?

Leave it to Pinterest to help us bridge the fashion gap!

Pinterest Nightmare #210: Bikini Jeans

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As pinned from sannas.jp

I know what you’re thinking.

Why is this lady so ashamed of her body? I mean, she has made sure that EVERY INCH of her legs are covered. It’s practically like Victorian times with no visible ankle! You can hardly even see her lucite platform peep-toe stripper shoes in the shot because there is so much fabric.

Hey, some women are demure.

But with Bikini Jeans in your fashion arsenal, you have the comfort of bikini strings hitting you in the muffin top area along with the practicality of ultra low-rise jeans! What woman doesn’t find that appealing?

And when you think about it, they are good for the environment, too! Your underwear is built right in your trousers with Bikini Jeans! You’ll be doing 50% less laundry saving gallons and gallons of water a year! Can’t you hear the dolphins thanking you?

There are personal upsides for the less altruistic fashionista as well. You’re sure to develop a great friendship with your Brazilian waxing technician since you won’t be skipping any appointments. Ditto for the nurse at your OB-Gyn’s office because you’ll get to chat her up each time you call to request another prescription for Diflucan.

Oh, Pinterest. No…just no.


Comments

Pinterest Nightmare #210: Bikini Jeans — 138 Comments

    • But wait! If you are running late for carpool, it would be easy to slide these puppies on. You don’t have to take the time to wear separate underwear and pants. BIG time saver.

  1. I just have no words for this. But your words: “You can hardly even see her lucite platform peep-toe stripper shoes in the shot because there is so much fabric.” Made me laugh out loud and scare my kid who’s watching tv in the other room! HA!!!

  2. Usually I try to find the good in these Pinterest crazy finds but not even I can co-sign this. This one is baddddd. I think if I saw a mom show up in these at school (I don’t care how great her body is) I’d turn away for fear of my eyeballs rolling out of my head!

    • No matter how good the body, these are flat out sketchy, Nellie….unless they were hemmed properly so we could see more shoe. Then I’d be on board. πŸ˜€

    • You know it, Joi! And when you do see someone sporting these, I beg you to throw out one of your trademark (according to your old professor) intimidating stares. (No, I will never get over or forget that story. I love it)

    • WTF is exactly what I thought when I first saw them, too, Nicole! I bet you could rock them, though. I might need to get some extra string for my bikini ties to make it over my muffin top.

      • Laughing, no way will I ever rock the bikini-jeans! I shudder just to think of it! I’m trying to do my absolute best not to adopt any of the local customs of Southern Appalachia, and I can definitely envision some local ladies trying to pull these off…unsuccessfully!

  3. I better start hitting the gym harder because I’ve got to get me some of these! Do you think they’ll look good if there’s fat poking out between the sting and the top of the pant? Oh, who cares! LOL!

    • When you find a garment as perfect as this, I think it’s better not to worry about the little details, Carli. πŸ˜€

  4. Your description of these? Perfect.
    Oh, I can’t even imagine! I definitely will not be raking leaves in these. :)

    • I think it would be hard to rake in these. Dry leaves might somehow waft into your nether regions. That could be uncomfortable.

    • You must just be one of those people who needs to take the changing of the seasons slowly. That makes Bikini Jeans perfect for you, Janine!

  5. I love Fridays because I know the two of you are going to make me laugh!!!! Lord, I don’t know what to say about these, maybe just, yikes!! Lol! Thank you so much for a very well needed laugh!! xo

  6. I would look like a roast with the strings too tight in that horrendous contraption. I adore that you used the word “trousers.”

    Frightening and hilarious, just how I like my Pinterest Nightmares! Keep it up!!

    • Hahaha. Thanks, Amy!

      I feel these would not be flattering on my figure given I have stumpy legs and more stomach than the bikini portion could handle.

  7. OMG – the Diflucan was the best final line! Loved it! Please God I hope to not see any of these on anyone because we all know the girl wearing these should probably be wearing a comforter instead.

    • I, for one, would not mind seeing these on a few moms at any upcoming back-to-school events. It would really make these boring things much more lively as I tried to take pictures with my phone without being caught.

      • Honestly, I think you should be ever-so-bold and walk up to ANYONE wearing these and take a snapshot. If they are bold enough to wear them, then they really should not mind you snapping a photo! Heck, they might even flash the peep-toes at you! LOL

        • Good point, Debbie! A woman sporting Bikini Jeans would probably relish being photographed! (I’ll have to remember to ask for the shoe flash, too!) πŸ˜€

    • You know. I could maybe be the first person to try that, Karen. Granny panties are my panty of choice. And it would be less drafty!

  8. Cannot believe this is a thing! Headed to the beach this week, maybe I’ll bring along a pair in case it rains, and, you know, I get cold. Wouldn’t want anyone to see the goose bumps on my legs!

    • You live in PRIME Bikini Jeans territory, Stephanie! You need to keep a look out for us and report back if you see them!!

  9. You know how you have to worry about your underwear peeking out in the back when you bend down to pick up something? No worries with these jeans! And that would be the only good thing about them. Bikinis and super low rise pants – two of my worst nightmares in one!

    • Bwahahaha. They really are the two worst nightmares together as one!! Maybe it’s a case of two wrongs making a right, though! πŸ˜€

  10. Do you think I can get these on Amazon with 2 day prime shipping??? I think these are a must for the first day of school!

  11. This looks like something Britney Spears would have worn in the late 90s to an awards show (remember that awesome matchy denim ensamble she and JT sported way back when?)

    • Now that you mention it, it TOTALLY DOES!!! JT would totally be sporting a similar pant, probably with denim chaps. GOOD CALL!!

    • Wait…did you say USED to?! I still see this all over the place, Robin! Maybe I need to start traveling in different circles… πŸ˜€

  12. I was about to order these until you noted that the stripper shoes would not be visible. Now I have a dilemma….

    (Seriously, you need to start contacting these crazy inventors and interviewing them. What were they thinking!?)

    • I know. It was an easy peasy purchasing decision until you realize that the shoes won’t show. I just like my footwear too much to hide it like that!!

  13. How horrible!! I can only see these in some skanky trailer park where said wearer of bikini pants is sitting in a lawn chair next to a blow up pool. Anyone remember the show “My Name is Earl”??? Joy would wear those, no doubt. No one else in their right mind should consider it. **Shudder**

    • Hahahahahahaha. It’s a shame that show isn’t on the air anymore because they would have been PERFECT for Joy. Opportunity missed!

  14. Sweet Jesus, at least she has her bum covered. But let’s read between the lines here, ladies. Just because they couldn’t advertise these as “Thong Jeans” doesn’t mean that they aren’t headed in that direction. Destination: “People of Wal-Mart” photo album. “Best Of” edition.

    • Actually, Lisa, they also have a “nano low rise” version in which the bikini portion IS a thong. There is only a string in the back up to the waist part of the garment. A good idea like that was bound to happen.

  15. O.K. Now I’m just scared to go to Wal-mart later today because I am almost certain I will see these on someone there – complete with the stripper stilettos!

    Like Dana said, low rise jeans and bikinis – two of my worst nightmares all rolled into one! Yikes

  16. Really? Can you imagine if you actually saw someone wearing a pair of these? I think I would burst out laughing. Those low rise jeans are bad enough. I tell you, I felt really old when my youngest was in preschool because of low rise jeans and thongs. Just not what I wanted to see. This is even worse.

    • I might not laugh, Michelle. I’d be too busy fumbling through my purse to find my phone so I could take a picture.

    • So….you don’t want more than one pair, then? I think it’s going to be a hassle when you have to wash them each night to wear the next day, but different strokes and all… πŸ˜€

    • Very good point, Charlotte! I think the day of the Bikini Short Short is coming. It’s the 21st century after all!! πŸ˜€

  17. SO AMAZING! hahahaha I love these. I’m pinning, Tweeting, Google+’ing and I might have to start an Instragram just to post these w/a nice disco-ey filter. LOVE!

    • Bwahahahahahaha. If any garment ever deserved the full on Instagram treatment, it’s Bikini Jeans, Joy. You’re a genius! I may have to look into a Tumblr for it, too. πŸ˜€

    • Smokin’ hot, Angela! A maternity bathing suit bottom is an even better choice for the bikini portion. We’re talking MILFville for sure!

    • Oh, I hope, hope, hope so, Sandra!! Just focus on snapping a picture without being seen. That should keep you busy enough that you won’t laugh! (maybe)

  18. Okay, so this required some research on the sannas.com site. Not only do these jeans come in a light blue jean color, you can also purchase in black. You know, for dress up occasions. HOWEVER if you want low rise, it will cost you considerably more. These will run you approximately $100-130. Dollars. And you can find them, and other similar outfits, under “sexy wear” on the site. You’re welcome.

    • Obviously I will have to go check out their “Sexy Wear” selections immediately. I can’t exactly wear a boxy over-sized t-shirt with my Bikini Jeans. I need something that won’t destroy the lines of the garment. SO glad to know there is a dark wash for a more formal occasion!! πŸ˜€

    • Bwahahahahaha. I think I need to hang out with you, Kristen. Clearly I’m living in one of the boring states. SO UNFAIR!!

  19. Really?! Why? I’m going to try and replicate the look with my jeans and I can guarantee it will be the most uncomfortable 2 seconds of my entire day!!! Do people really wear that or is it just a joke?

  20. I guarantee you I will see these on some young thing strutting around Southern California and this delicate little Midwestern flower will need smelling salts. I promise if I do see a pair of these “in the wild” I’ll snap a photo and send it to you.

  21. I read this earlier from my phone and couldn’t comment but sadly, I know a woman that would think this was high fashion. πŸ˜‰ I just looked at it and asked, “Why? Why? Why would anyone think this is a good look?”

  22. Can you imagine walking down the street and seeing someone in these!!??? Unreal! I wonder how the model felt wearing them? Your description is priceless!

  23. Does this mean I have to take mines back to the store *sigh* you always ruin this for me lmbo. I would never ever wear one of these and I would think someone has lost their mind if I see it out and about in public

  24. HAhahah what!?!?!? Okay, I HATE having my butt crack show. It’s annoying, and I hate that the only cute jeans I can find usually mean my butt crack will show unless I have a tank top that comes down to my knees. HOWEVER: there is a line that nobody should freaking cross!! Seriously, Pinterest needs you guys to remove their horrible pins for them.

  25. I think these were invented to get back at the guys who sag their pants and let their boxers hang out. It’s totally the female version of that, only skin tight instead of baggy. I bet it was one of those guy’s idea of sexy and he came up with! Dollars to donuts bet worthy!

    • Bikini jeans would be a step up for her then because there are pseudo underwear present. We’ll call that a win!

  26. I’m all for low rise jeans, as long as they are not so low as to show my underwear. Also, I prefer it if my underwear is separated from my jeans!

    Every time I read these posts, I want to meet the person who designs them because they’re all so bad, it’s almost a crime.

    • You know, call me an old fuddy duddy, but I prefer my undies to be separate from my pants, too!!

      Bikini jeans are a crime, Xae. I hope the fashion police are looking into it!

    • Hahahahaha. You sure can…but I’m warning you. The muffin top you have to deal with as me is a mighty force!

  27. No, no, no, no, no. Bikini jeans are never okay! Thank you for pointing out the wrongs in our world, because not enough people say these things!

  28. Maybe the makers of these think if guys can walk around with the drawers hanging out, girls can too? Awful! It reminds me of years ago those hip huggers girls in high school wore. Those were awful too.

    • These are like hip huggers on steroids, Jeanne. We’ll keep our fingers crossed they don’t catch on for high schoolers.

  29. Actually these are perfect. You know how when your jeans are a little bit low cut and you have to keep standing up out of your chair to hike them up and make sure your panties aren’t creeping up the back? This totally eliminates that whole mess.

    • Exactly, Stevie! They are so practical! Seeing panties is unsightly whereas bikini jeans are high fashion. TOTAL WIN!! πŸ˜€

    • When it comes to something as special as bikini jeans, it’s probably best if we don’t try to label them, Robin. πŸ˜€

  30. SO- I must have missed this, but, Lisa & Ashley- WTF? Are you shitting me right now? Is this for real happening or am I in elliptical computer chair nubrella hell again? BaHaHaHa! love it & y’all! xoxo

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