I know what you all are probably thinking right now. You are probably thinking that I must have had a typo in the title, because how could I possibly be comparing doing a triathlon to having a stomach bug?
That just totally doesn’t make sense, right?
I think when I make my case, you might see the logic-based reasoning of this scenario.
Triathlon vs. Stomach Bug
- Sore abdominal muscles: Can totally occur in both events. Sure with the triathlon your abs will be sore from all the swimming, but don’t count out the “Abs of Steel” type work-out you can get from all the retching during a bad stomach virus.
- Fatigue: I would imagine that any of the events from a triathlon would leave you pretty tuckered out, so combining all three could practically make you comatose by the time your head hits the pillow at night. And if you have ever spent the night laying against your bathroom tile in between rounds of vomiting, you know that you are left feeling exhausted.
- Weight loss: This one is probably obvious, right? When you are doing a triathlon you can’t eat, especially during the biking portion of the event. Unless they figure out a way to attach a tray to your handlebars like the car tray available at Sonic, you are going without food. Battling a stomach bug not only helps shave off a few pounds, but leaves you afraid to eat solid food for a good week or two after recovery.
See what I mean?!
But before you decide, let’s be sure you know what you’re getting yourself into…
Since I like to be official and sort of sciency when I present you these difficult questions, I have decided that from here on out the definition of the triathlon of which I speak will be the Ultra Distance triathlon. Or in layman speak, the Ironman. I will present to you the exact description from Wikipedia. (You certainly can’t argue with this kind of detailed, crackerjack, internet research.)
- 2.4 mile swim
- 112 mile bike ride
- 26.2 mile run
This is clearly not for the common, light, neighborhood jogger. This is obviously not meant for the mom who dons her yoga pants to go to Starbucks and Target. You have to be hard core to pull this one off. You have to be dedicated to training.
Just between you and me, I don’t even really like to drive somewhere that is 26.2 miles away, much less even think about running that distance. Unless my life is in danger, which it most definitely would be should I ever attempt this task!
The Ironman definitely has its perks, though! You will get in shape. You will get a chance to really know your city and its surrounding counties on your 112 mile training bike rides. It is probably the ultimate in “me” time. Even if your family wanted to bother you, how could they find you? And what a sense of accomplishment you will feel if you finish it. Serious bragging rights at the next neighborhood potluck.
The second case presented here is that of the stomach bug. Feast your eyes on this straight from Web M.D., which brings you only the best of the internet medical diagnosis knowledge available.
The Stomach Bug
- Stomach Pain
Sounds pretty miserable, right? If you have ever been driving home from work and had that instant feeling of getting sweaty and having all the saliva drain from your mouth and knowing that you are going to lose all of the remnants of your lunch right on the side of the road, you know what I mean.
And then you pretty much spend the next week of your life feeling convinced that there is no possible way you will ever consume solid food again. I mean sure, by day six when you are able to sip on flat ginger ale and break off crumbs of Saltines, you might see the upside to hitting your goal weight thanks to this nasty virus. Perhaps you even caught up on some back catalog Life & Style magazines or finally worked your way through all your old DVRed episodes of Temptation Island. You might think of it all as a little much-needed “me” time, especially if your family did in fact leave you alone in your misery. Another plus? No training. Even the most dedicated couch potato can manage this.
So, really, at the end of the day both are quite similar in what they can accomplish for you. It is honestly more of a personal preference as to how you would like achieve your results, and I think we all know where The Dose Girls fall on this particular topic!
Would you rather be fatigued and sore and skinny from doing a triathlon or from having a stomach bug?