Pinterest Nightmare #488: Baby Bangs

Yesterday during a girls’ morning out very important blog meeting at Starbucks, we saw a woman with an adorable baby. The baby couldn’t have been more than 5 months old, but she had a perfect little shag hairdo. We’re talking Jennifer Aniston levels of “The Rachel” kind of perfect hairdo. We were captivated.

You see, between the two of us, we’ve experienced all manner of baby tresses. It’s no wonder that Emma and Lucy are BFFs. They were both born with beautiful hair (even if Lucy’s did stick straight up from the back of her head like rooster feathers for several months on end.) But poor Bobby and Abby are a different story. All of the hair around the sides and back of Bobby’s head fell out. This left him with a mass of long hair at the top of his head only. His ‘do looked like a regulation Marines “high and tight” crossed with the lead singer of an emo band. Abby had the opposite problem. She had absolutely no hair on the top of her head, but lots of hair around the sides giving her the distinct look of a 10th century Trappist monk. This was affectionately known as her “the George Costanza” phase.

In the parenting trenches we learned that sometimes you just have to smile and accept that better hair is right around the corner in 3 or 4 (or 15) months.

Or DO you?

“Waiting patiently” is so last century. This is 2013, baby! Everything is available RIGHT NOW if you have Pinterest…including the perfect infant coiffure…

Pinterest Nightmare #488: Baby Bangs

Baby Bangs

as pinned from baby-bangs.com

Feast your eyes on the follicular metamorphosis that is possible when you acquaint yourself with Baby Bangs, the most luxurious and natural looking baby wiglet on the market today.

Look at that transformation!! On the left you have a so-called “baby”. Ugh. HIDEOUS! Is it a boy or is it a girl…I mean…is it even human? YIKES! Who knows?! It’s impossible to tell (and frankly hard to look at). But add Baby Bangs and… viola! It’s a girl, and WHEW…she’s finally acceptable looking.

Why wait until those awkward middle school years to let your daughters know that they must conform to society’s exacting standards of beauty when you can get a jump-start in their infancy? Babies have really gotten a pass on looking good for far too long. They don’t watch their figures at all, they frequently traipse around with spit up on their clothing, and they won’t sit still long enough to get a decent clump-free second coat of mascara. Don’t even get me started on their little nails that refuse to hold a passable French manicure. They are a hot mess.

But I think the folks at Baby Bangs are selling themselves short. Why limit these awesome toddler toupees to just hairless babies? Doesn’t every baby deserve their own personal wig wardrobe?

Now this is just a mock up, mind you, but it will show you how transformative monofiber Kanekalon® can be when strapped to a baby’s head. I’ve taken the liberty of using the most popular wigs from the Raquel Welch 2013 Fall Collection to illustrate how infant Lucy would have looked with an upgraded signature look.

Wigless Lucy

 And here is infant Lucy all wigged out…

Lucy's Virtual Wig Wardrobe

I think the pictures speak for themselves.

Oh, Pinterest. No…just no.

 


Comments

Pinterest Nightmare #488: Baby Bangs — 106 Comments

  1. OH MY GOSH!!! That is TOO funny! Al of my kids have has some major hair disasters…the older they get, they better it looks, but I understand fully the “George Costanza” look…I think both of my poor girls had that for a while, too!

    • It’s too bad you didn’t have wiglets for them back in the day. Thank goodness for Baby Bangs so today’s babies don’t have to suffer with unsightly baldness.

  2. Yes, best way to start the day! Hahahaha! I think I might need to stock up on baby bangs–I haven’t had much heartburn during the pregnancy (have heard if you do it means your baby has a lot of hair), so clearly I need to make sure everyone knows she’s a girl (assuming they read the ultrasound correctly!) Thanks, ladies 😉

    • You can’t be too careful, Bev!! You need to stock up on a Baby Bangs wardrobe for your sweet girl to avoid any potential awkwardness from baldness.
      Even if she has hair, I think Lucy’s pictures show that ALL babies can benefit from a good hairpiece.

  3. Googling one of these beauties for my future niece right now! Ba ha ha ha. This is hideous! Both of my girls were little baldies until they were well over a year old, and there is no way in HELL I would have messed with their bald adorable-ness. This is hideous!! Thanks for the laugh to start my Friday!

      • Bwahahahaha!! When “hideous” happens, you’ve just got to let it out, Nicole!! 😀

        I bet your girls would have loved having Baby Bangs. What infant doesn’t want to have a weave of synthetic fibers strapped to their head? It’s got to be so comfortable..and breathable! 😀

  4. Both my boys had the bald spot in the back around 3 months or so. They had such glorious baby hair, I cried. Lucky for me they both got back plenty.
    In Thai they say that when your baby’s hair falls out, that’s when they recognize thier mother’s face!

    • I never heard that saying, Robin! I wish I’d known it at the time!

      Having see the glorious locks on both your boys, I am quite certain they are the only children on earth that never needed Baby Bangs. Covering their hair would have been a crime.

      You could have put Baby Bangs on a neighborhood cat or something though.

  5. Emma was bald until she was also 18 months old, but seriously there is no way in hell she would let me put this on her head! Although can’t see why I would have done this. I was guilty of the stretchy headbands and cute hats, but this I think I would have drawn that invisible line in the sand for a big NO! I love you two though and seriously with Kristi, when I say, “Where do you find this stuff!!” :)

    • Aw! I bet Emma would have rocked “The Eva” look…but I can totally see how the face framing feathering in “The Shirley” would have been flattering, too. Maybe it’s best you didn’t go that route. It would have been hard to pick just one.

  6. NO! Really, I can’t even fathom that someone came up with this! Babies are so adorable all on their own, what do they need grownup hair for? Maybe I should have gotten one of these when my daughter poured a bucket of primer paint on her head and we had to cut all her hair off. Thanks for the laugh!

    • Oh, NO! You had to do the cutting yourself?! Ugh. Maybe we should have babies wear Baby Bangs if they are around paint. If they dump the primer on their heads, you just remove the wig and BAM…you’re back in business and their actual hair is unharmed.

  7. Just wrong! I love the “…conform to society’s exacting standards…” statement. Hilarious! It must’ve been tough trashing that cute baby in the first picture – I still laughed but thought “awww, but she’s so cute” this is a ridiculous product. It will be on Ellen in 5 years on the “bad baby pictures” segment.

    • It was SO hard…I did it…then erased it…then re-wrote it….then erased it because HOW DO YOU CRITICIZE A BABY?? But then I realized…this is Pinterest Nightmares. You have to commit to the nightmare. There is no half way.
      And thus, I had to call out that bald baby. I also threw my own kid under the bus at the end, so maybe that will balance out my karma. (I hope)

    • Nick Nolte!!!! That is the greatest thing I’ve ever heard. If you can’t have fun with parenthood, you will just find yourself rocking in the corner!!
      All dolls should have at least one wiglet, don’t you agree?! 😀

  8. I’ve actually seen this before!! Its so wrong! I guess I don’t get it because both my boys have an INSANE amount of hair (I blame their father). But fake baby bangs? a baby toupee? Just plain wrong.

    • If your boys were born looking like a 72 year old with male pattern baldness, you might change your mind, Nellie! 😀 But even with all of their hair, I bet they would have loved the freedom that a wig wardrobe would have provided to their over all look. Babies deserve to be stylish, too.

  9. You two have a gift for finding these things! Those wigs would last a nano second in reality with most babies because we all know how the little darlings love to grab and pull. Painful memories of wearing hoop earrings around child come immediately to mind.

    • OUCH…the hoop earrings!! Yes!! I think you’d probably just end up using extra strong adhesive on babies who were wig pullers. If they took a little of their sensitive scalps with them during a good tug, they’d learn quickly not to do that again. 😀

    • Hahahaha. Be careful if you go that route, Kita!! I’m pretty sure the kind of parents who put their baby in a wig would also be quick to scratch your with their stiletto nails if you snatched their baby’s wig!! 😀

    • I know!!! That bald baby is really so awful. I had a good laugh about how ridiculous it looked too!!!! Thank GOODNESS they put Baby Bangs on it pretty quickly!! ;D

    • True. It took me FOREVER to get Lucy to leave the little clip on bow alone. I think some wig adhesive would definitely have to come into play.

    • Bwahahahahaha. I’m afraid the only cure for the rat tail is a pair of scissors. But…you know what? Maybe you COULD stuff it up under Baby Bangs. It’s worth a try!! 😀

    • If you’d only known about the Baby Bangs back in the day, I feel like you could have convince them both that it was the way to go. Moms deserve amusement, too! 😀

  10. I liked you description of the poor Before baby! I swear that Saturday Night Live had a parody commercial for baby toupees. Maybe baby hair plugs will be the next thing.

    • Great idea, John. Some babies desperately need plugs! Even a luxurious wiglet is not enough to adequately cover some of those little bald skulls.

    • Thanks!! I can’t decide which look I liked better for Lucy. Probably “The Shirley” because of the blondness and the face framing. She’s never going to pull off a blond like that any other way. It’s a crying shame that wig wasn’t around when she was little.

  11. The only thing that’s missing is that the “after” photos should be instagrammed with some kind of Hipster vibe.

    Just… no. Bald babies are beautiful to snuggle.

    • Oh, Susan…how I wish I had run this past you first and had heard that suggestion. I think a hipster vibe is totally what was called for, especially with “The Eva”. Opportunity missed. RATS!!!

  12. My son didn’t have any hair for the first year of his life, and that was fine with me. Now he has a curly thatch, the curl from me the thatch from his father. This is hideous, and wrong on so many levels. I wonder how long they actually stay on, try keeping a hat on a baby.

    • That is a good point!! According to the manufacturer, the garter like thing you see in the picture also bands it to their skulls. So it’s kind of like a hair/hat/garter sort of a deal. But I think some double-sided tape must come in to play somewhere.

    • Why thank you, Stephanie! (Between you and me, that bald baby made me almost choke on my coffee, too…HIDEOUS!!) ;D

  13. O.K. That is just insane! All three of my girls were slick bald for quite some time (like more than a year) and I got so mad constantly having to tell people that they were, in fact, girls. However, I would have never put a wig on them!!! Thought never even crossed my mind! Oy! Some people just have far too much free time on their hands. :-)

    • But a wig for them would have been so practical, Lisa!! You know it would always sit straight and never migrate down their face. Plus, they could take it off and have a hairy lovey available for nap time! Genius!!

  14. HAHAHAA!!!! You ladies kill me and of course you guys were at a “very important” meeting…. ladies day out??? I think NOT!!! ha.. this wig thing is just a hot mess! I can’t believe this is even real! You are exactly right, no pinterest, NO!!!! ~Leah~

    • Oh, we have to have many Very Important Blog Meetings throughout the week, Leah. Blogs don’t run themselves, you know!! (We had one at the movie theater on Wednesday and saw Gravity) We run a tight ship around here!! :)

  15. Just so swish. Or perhaps I should say swishable. The only thing I would offer up as possible improvement would be to include one of those magnificent decorative eye lens jobbies you wrote about recently. While baby might fret a tad at having it placed in her/his eye perhaps an option (until they’re the more civilized 13 or 14) would be one suctioned above the ear? Just think of the possibilities. Beautiful tresses combined with a suctioned dangly tear eye lens hanging saucily from an ear. Perfect in my books.

    • AW!! That’s an awesome idea, Kelly!! You make such a good point about the permanent implant. I do think they should work on something around the ear for infants. Their eyes don’t focus properly until they are older anyway so fitting them with contacts would be difficult.

      A great wig…a dangly crystal tear…it sounds lovely! 😀

  16. hahaha!! Scarlet had perfect, thick curls at birth and always. Although she slept on her back and rubbed the back off and had a reverse mullet from months four – ten. That’s a story for another day, though.
    Des, had male pattern baldness. He had thick swirly hair on the back of his head and baldness on top and on the sides. We called him Old Man Bowman. After six months, he turned into the shaggy cutie he is now, however, had I known about these baby bangs, it would have saved me from the months of ridicule I suffered from having a BABY with not perfect hair!!

    • And to think, my future son in law was once called Old Man Bowman! 😀 Well, thank GOODNESS nature did him right in the end. I’m so sorry you didn’t have the comfort of a few sets of Baby Bangs to get you through those tough imperfect hair months. 😀

    • I can’t take any of the credit, Jennifer. Baby Bangs really took the lead making those babies step it up a notch! :)

    • I couldn’t agree with you more, Dana. The first step in wig mastery is choosing one that will complement your natural coloring. No wonder they chose that baby for their promotional work. Her eyes really pop with that red wig. (especially compared to the photo when she’s bald and her eyes look depressed) 😀

  17. BAHAHAHA im laughing so hard! babies have gotten a free pass for way too long. like when they think its socially acceptable to just not talk and make nonsensical and adorable noises. no more excuses babies! obviously, with this wiglet, the ante has just been upp’ed.

    • Seriously!! Babies…YOU HAVE BEEN PUT ON NOTICE!! We are not letting you skate by any longer!! The jig is up!!

  18. Oh no, Pinterest. Leave the babies alone, huh?
    (Although, that being said, this post is completely hilarious!)

    • Pinterest has no mercy on any of us–babies most of all. This is the same social media that brought us the TweetPee and the Baby Keeper Basic. Nope…babies are not exempt from the bizarre whims of Pinterest.

  19. Seriously? Toupees for babies? That’s just insane! Let’s just give them some other way to feel bad about themselves in future. Talk about vain… Sheesh! I happen to think bald babies are adorable, thank you, male or female! Just love them like they are. What is this world coming to?

    • Oh, Julie!! Say you don’t mean it!! You can’t think that hairless babies are actually….acceptable?! *shudder* If you don’t make sure they know how awful they look, they might grow up with self esteem and feel good about themselves. No good can come of that!! You must reconsider!!! 😀

  20. Bahahahaa!! Y’all are wrong for that…Lucy.will.get.you.back one day!! 😀 Poor babies…only a “handful” of them actually come out with perfectly gorgeous locks! But, how you finish matters most! Besides, all those perfectly coiffed little ones will eventually be in need of a wig…someday. :-) Thanks ladies for giving me a GOOD LAUGH this morning! Have a great weekend!

    • Lucy is totally going to get me for this one day, Michell…this and about 100 other photoshops. I will have to sleep with one eye open from here on out!
      I think you’re spot on—we’ll all probably need a wig one of these days! These babies just got a jump on the rest of us! 😀

    • Thanks, Bill. All I had to do was look at that unfortunate little hairless head, and it was easy. I’m not sure I would have had the strength to continue if I didn’t already know the baby was finally given a wiglet. Now we can all sleep at night. :)

    • No!! I don’t think they do…but you are a GENIUS!!! The people at Baby Bangs should have you on the payroll because those things would sell like hotcakes!! Are you listening, Baby Bangs?!

  21. Sometimes all I can do is wonder WHY someone ever thought that some of this stuff was a good idea!! Of course, if I had a hideous baby with horrible hair it might be something I would consider….Nope, not even then 😉 Thanks girls you’ve made me crack up again!

    • Necessity is the mother of invention, I’m thinking. I would bet money that the creator of Baby Bangs had a bald offspring or two. She knows the heartbreak of a hairless baby.

    • You know that has to happen a time or twenty when they get Baby Bangs. They’ll just need a little formula especially made to prevent hairballs…and they’ll be back in business. 😀

    • You nailed it, Amanda. Have you SEEN their chubby little legs? They have ROLLS of fat. It’s unsightly. They are the perfect market for cellulite cream. I can’t believe it hasn’t happened yet! 😀

  22. LOL, babies HAVE gotten a pass for far too long. You’re right! My daughter also had the forelock in front and lost all the rest. Very Flock of Seagulls. Do they come in different colors? Do they have fauxhawks? The looks are endless!

    • I think they haven’t been good about developing different styles. They’ve just focused on different colors.They are missing out on a big market. A fauxhawk look would go over SO well…and colored hair when a baby is feeling playful. They could even partner with Play-Doh and have those colors. They need to look into this!

  23. You know, you’re right! Babies have had it way too easy in the hair department. We need to get them started early so that they can also freak out about their hair for the rest of their life. I wonder if Pinterest has any prenatal wigs. Then, we can REALLY start them young!

    • HOLD THE PRESSES!!!! A prenatal wig is the most revolutionary idea I’ve heard yet!! It’s fantastic!! Parents don’t want to have a hideous ultrasound picture do they?! NO!!! Of course they don’t. You might have missed your calling. You need to consider getting into the baby wig field, Kristen.

    • Don’t you just hate when the perfect baby product is invented but it’s too late for you to benefit from it?! It’s just how I felt about the Snuggle Wings baby straight jacket. RATS!! I think those pictures showed what I could have done with Lucy and wigs if I’d been given half a chance. 😀

    • Thanks, Allie!! It’s really a crying shame that I never had the opportunity to strap a wig to Lucy’s infant head. I’ve always wondered what she would look like as a redhead.

  24. Hilarious. Oddly enough the child that had the least amount of hair as a baby is now going bald. Hmmm, Should’ve picked up the baby bangs. Might have changed his fate. :-) Funny.

    • Hahahahahahahaha. My 13 year old eventually grew a fantastic head of hair…but now he prefers it so short he practically looks bald. I might shove a Baby Bangs on him just for good measure.

    • Oh, it can’t be THAT hard washing the Baby Bangs. It’s made of the finest synthetic monofiber Kanekalon® in the Northern Hemisphere. I bet some Johnson & Johnson No More Tears would clean that thing right up. Just blow it dry…and maybe give it a quick set with some hot rollers…and BAM…you’re back in business.

    • NO!!! You’ve SEEN Baby Bangs out in the real world?! You obviously live in a better city than I do. RATS.
      I don’t think I’d like pigtail extensions on a baby. It just seems so over the top and unnecessary. (unlike a wiglet) 😀

  25. There are no words. This takes frightening to another level….and I’m not too far off from crashing for the night. Thanks for providing my overactive brain fodder for a real nightmare tonight. (Yes, that was sarcasm)

  26. This is just straight up crazy. Are these things stuck on with wig adhesive? Lots of babies aren’t crazy about having hats on their heads and constantly yank them off. Imagine being out in public and your perfectly “coiffed” baby rips her wig off! Horrors!!

  27. Bahahahaa this crack me up! You ladies are awesome, I love ya! I’ve seen the local version of that here and yeah, it creeps the hell out of me because some of it have curls!!! See it for yourself: https://s2.bukalapak.com/system/images/1/9/8/2/3/9/7/large/Wig_korea_with_Poni.jpg?1359307026

  28. I can’t even imagine your Starbucks conversation when the two of you come up with this. I’m amazed at the things that you find. Someone actually makes it and someone else actually buys it!

    I think I would have been a better mom with baby bangs for Ryan. I mean she is so comfortable with herself that she goes out without makeup. And she’s a grown women with children! (or maybe that’s the real reason she doesn’t always wear makeup). I think baby bangs would have made her m ore appropriately insecure about her appearance as an adult. Why are we raising such confident children!?! We have it all wrong.

  29. My Aunt My Aunt used to glue, GLUE, bows to my cousins bald head!
    And here I have the exact opposite problem with my youngest. Last outing he was confused for a girl with his thick curly hair…I just can’t bring myself to cut the curls off but it is still short enough for a boy.

  30. & then there is thishttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/06/20/cabbage-patch-kids-wigs-hats-doll_n_3473258.html that’s an honest to god thing. 80s retro cool or just creepy?

  31. Mother of LOVE!!! Firs of all, I spent twenty minutes scrolling down through all the comments, and that is just completely inconvenient. I must file a complaint with the Dose Human Resources Dept. STAT.
    😉

    So perhaps Cass could have worn some of these for her first five years of pulling her hair out because she was so sick all the time? No ‘chemo’ questions there!!! Hmm… If only.

    But seriously? OMGOSH there is NO serious here!! Those pictures are freaking crackin’ me UP!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

  32. The first time I saw that picture of Lucy, and now, all I can think about is googly eyes! So adorable. I mean without the wigs…burn the wigs.

  33. for a while i was torn on the bangs / no-bangs look and i’ve come to the unanimous decision that for the most part people look better sans bangs. that’s not to say that there are some women who do look good with bangs (they’re also usually drop-dead gorgeous regardless of their hairstyle), but in general people need to stay away from this trend!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *