It’s almost go-time for Thanksgiving.
Prep mode is well underway. Recipes have been revamped and perfected, shopping lists triple checked, table linens spot checked for stains, and the number of the Butterball Turkey Talk-Line has been programmed into speed dial. It’s all coming together!
The final touch of any Thanksgiving Day planning is finalizing the seating chart for the big event. Getting this step right is crucial in determining the success of the entire day. You know you can’t sit Uncle Fred next to Cousin Arthur after “The Great Pumpkin Pie Incident” of 2007. You’ve also got to decide…is it time to move Dakota up from the kiddie table or will he scandalize Memaw by Instagraming selfies during the meal? Will placing two people between Candace and Ned be enough to keep them from arguing about Obamacare?
It’s so nerve-wracking it almost makes you consider letting Phyllis host next year. (Okay, not really. She puts oysters in her stuffing. Ew.)
The only members of the extended family that are low maintenance are the pets! Your cats will perch on the back of the couch eyeing everyone with contempt, and your dogs will lovingly drool at your feet snarfing down any crumbs that fall their way. At least you don’t have to worry about them!
Or do you? Thanks to Pinterest, you may need to revise your master plan for guest placement one more time because guess who’s coming to dinner…
Pinterest Nightmare #132: The Pet High Chair
Fee Fee never felt so much a part of the family as when she was strapped into position at the head of the table and given her own parfait dish of mashed potatoes and gravy. The smile on her face says it all!
According to the Hammacher Schlemmer website, The Pet High Chair not only keeps your furbaby from having to beg at your feet for food like a peasant, but it also “assuages pet separation anxiety and promotes more refined behavior”. Finally I’ve found something to help cut down on Puddles’ therapy bills. What a relief!
I have to admit, I’ve always been a little embarrassed that my mixed breed didn’t have better table manners. Now we can begin working on the fundamentals of etiquette like putting her napkin in her lap and identifying the shrimp fork.
And really, why should high chairs be the sole domain of human babies anyway? What makes *them* so special? Sure, they are carrying on your DNA for all posterity, but can they catch a Frisbee or find illegal narcotics in the customs line at the airport? Nosiree! Pets have earned their place at the table! They aren’t relying on nepotism!
I do have a few concerns. It could be really difficult for Fluffy to pass the green bean casserole around the table without thumbs. Also, her very presence would render a doggie bag at the end of the meal obsolete. But these are small issues compared to the happiness everyone will feel as they give thanks sitting eye to eye across the table from your bichon frise.
I can already imagine the look on my mother-in-law’s face as I strap her granddog into a Pet High Chair between Bobby and Lucy at the table this Thanksgiving…
Oh, Pinterest. No…just no.