Hey Girl, You Really Are A MILF!

It is no secret that Lisa is the queen of gift-giving. I don’t even bother to attempt to compete, which is why her gifts from me usually suck and my gifts from her rock!

Every partnership has its strengths and weaknesses, so she accepts for me the lame gift giver, poor wrapper that I am.

But this year, y’all, she knocked it out of the park.

Who would have ever imagined that she could top the Ryan Gosling Mini-Bust? (RGMB for short).

Fine, maybe *not* top it (because there is only one RGMB…no, seriously, I own the only one on the entire planet earth), but definitely match it in awesomeness.

Behold my gifts from this Christmas: A “Hey Girl” Ryan Gosling notebook (to go with my RGMB) and a very special bracelet…

RGMBCollageForPost

The Starbucks cup was not part of the gift, by the way. Neither was the car clutter. The rest, though? All the magic of the awesome Dose Girl Lisa.

Here is the deal. I actually used my Hey Girl notebook while sitting in my car with my RGMB in his spot…that is where he lives, by the way. The children know that they may greet him upon getting into the vehicle and if they are really good they can pet his head. But only on special occasions. Any lint accidentally removed hurts RGMB’s feelings. He told me so.

RGMBHeyGirlNotebookForPost

I totally wrote this concept in my notebook while also sporting my MILF bracelet. Oh yes, I wear it every single day.

Just in case you are not aware of our Dose Girl MILF-dom, go read this post right now. And watch the video. And then read the comments. Turns out there are a lot of MILFs out there. Who knew?

HeyGirlMILFMeme

Don’t listen to the haters out there who try to tell you that being a *real* MILF means wearing a string bikini sans cellulite at age 45. They are all just jealous of our amazing combination of stretch marks and elastic waistband marks from our SPANX.

What if we decided to start a MILF club?

Like the Skull & Bones of the adult women set?

Picture this scenario: You are at Target in your yoga pants and you spot another mom in her yoga pants, too. Except she looks like she could have actually come from hot yoga. You feel a little hostile until the moment she flashes you her wrist (my friend Pam said that the MILF bracelet can be like a sorority pin) as she swipes her Red Card for her $147.28 worth of toilet paper and toothpaste. And then you realize she is JUST like you. You meet eyes and wind up sharing a latte at Starbucks where you compare your cankles.

Instant friendship.

For women everywhere this could be a revolution. MILF clubs popping up nationwide. Watch out Real Housewives, there is a new reality TV franchise in town!

All I know is this. Since I started wearing my own personal MILF bracelet, I have sprouted three new chin hairs. Clearly, this is giving me magic powers and making my MILF status go all the way to eleven.

 


Comments

Hey Girl, You Really Are A MILF! — 102 Comments

    • Keep us posted Janine! I am sure all the MILFs at Target have a special glow from their awesome bracelet! πŸ˜‰

    • OMG, Angela, you have totally just inspired the next MILF post with this comment…don’t worry, full credit will go to you! :)

      • :) that’s awesome!

        BTW I must be super excited to comment on your site because the last two times I did I made those grammar mistakes that drive me nuts when I see them!

        Where pants? And Good story in their?!

        Yeesh I need to take a deep breath before I comment here!

    • Hmmm, good question Jennifer…I am thinking we will need to have some sort of initiation…maybe like a mom has to take off her bra one-handed while balancing a baby on her hip? πŸ˜‰

  1. I want in!!!! And I want that bracelet! I LOVE Jen’s idea of an initiation! Maybe it’s the random spotting in a target line ringing up $147.00 worth of toilet paper.

    • You are totally in…although, your initiation may be that you have to actually eat the nachos portion of the nachos! πŸ˜‰

  2. Do you think if we all went in together and order a bulk lot of the bracelets we could get them at a good discount? Cause that’s what real MILFs do right, buy things in bulk at wicked awesome discounted prices!!

  3. I am equally terrified and hysterical over this!! All I want to really know is where can I get the Ryan notebook?
    And I thought I was the only one spending 148.00 on toothpaste and toilet paper!!!
    Love you girls!

  4. I’m not sure MILF is a good thing, but if you say it’s okay that’s fine with me.

    I like how Ryan fits perfectly in the phone holder, that is a good home for it, errr, him.

  5. I’ll be a member.

    Now I want to go to Target. Love that store. Only, I admit, I always put on real pants when I leave the house. I can’t go out in Yoga Pants, unless I’m working out, which is very, very rare.

    • I love Target, too Amber. It is my happy place.
      Try going out in yoga pants sometime…you might surprise yourself! πŸ˜‰

  6. “The children know that they may greet him upon getting into the vehicle and if they are really good they can pet his head.” Bahahaha… I’m dying… this is awesome!

    • Thanks Amanda! You have to establish ground rules with kids or otherwise they would be trying to actually play with him or something! πŸ˜‰

  7. Okay, I totally envy that MILF bracelet. I want to get a MILF shirt but my mother would kill me if she ever saw me wearing it… or not wearing it considering she still does my laundry.

    • HA HA HA Ashlee! A MILF t-shirt could be too much of a statement…the bracelet is just the right amount of subtle! πŸ˜‰

  8. I would love to walk around town and lock eyes with other MILFs, only to look at their wrists, and see that my suspicions were correct. They have the bracelet!
    Although I remember getting a 0-2 on your MILF quiz. Give me a few years and I’ll get there.

    • Right Tamara?! It would be so validating to be like, “Yep, I knew it! MILF!”.
      Since you are such a loyal reader, we will grant you an exemption…you can join now! πŸ˜‰

  9. I feel like we are on the cusp of a new revolution – The MILF Revolution. Years from now people will ask, “Do you remember where you were when you first heard about this movement that has taken over the world?” And I will say, “Yes I do. I was visiting The Dose Girls when the idea was born.” How cool is that?!?!

  10. I definitely need one of those! You have started your first business enterprise! Roll with it and make those big bucks in 2014 and beyond. I’ll be one of your customers for sure. :) I’m confident my husband would buy it just because of how great the video was that you did!

    • Isn’t the car clutter just sad Kita?! But I figured if we are keeping it real around here…! πŸ˜‰ You are a totally a member of the MILF club!

  11. I have seen that Ryan Gosling journal, and I totally thought of the two of you. To see it here is just perfect. I’m going to be the contrary one and say no thanks to the MILF bracelet. I prefer something more discrete – like granny panties.

  12. Ok see the issue with me being a MILF is having someone who would do me.. and while my husband would he currently can’t.. Sighs.. I am a MILF without a MILFee?? Well that just sucks doesn’t it..

  13. I love the bracelet because of its subtlety. I was gifted a “Cougar” t-shirt which I wear around the house sometimes b/c it is so soft and comfy. Then I forget I have it on and go to the grocery store. Talk about making the bag boys uncomfortable!!! T-shirts are too much for the bag boys. Fer realz!!

    • BWAH HA HA HA Stacey!! I am DYING!! That is SO AWESOME…and I kind of feel like that needs to be a post!! πŸ˜‰

  14. I want one! I want one! I LOVE this idea of it being like a secret sorority club. It can unite all of us even though we don’t live close, we’ll always be close as long as we are wearing our MILF bracelets. It will be like the adult version of the “best friend” pendants. Seriously…where do I get one! And can there please be a Taylor Kitsch notebook??

    • Right? It is totally like the BFF pendants…you are so right! Love it! :) And there should be a Taylor Kitsch notebook just for you! :)

  15. OHMYGOSH I AM IN!!!!!!!! I think you should be setting up a committee to help you girls navigate this prestigious club. Yes?

    I will be your PR representative.. clearly I am fit for the job!!!

    I would also like to vote for a necklace and earrings and scarf branded with MILF to go with the bracelet.

    Oh, I have LOTS more ideas where those came from!!! SEE? *New PR Committee Member HERE*

    • Just between you and me, he kind of can be…I mean look at him! πŸ˜‰ But I just focus on the road…as much as I can! πŸ˜‰

  16. If I buy my TP at Costco can I have a bracelet anyway? I’m still, obviously, buying a ton of it while wearing my yoga pants. I just like the pallet it comes on and when the guy follows me out with it on the fork-lift and places it in my car…you know everyone wants to hit that! I might need two bracelets.

  17. I missed your post on MILF’s so I went back and read it. Hillarious! Thanks for explaining. I can be a little behind when it comes to abbreviations for words :) I think you should start selling MILF bracelets.

  18. My friend in California was told by her neighbor that she’s a ‘MILF’. She took offense because she’s not a mom and under 40. I assured her that he probably meant to say ‘NILF’ (neighbor) but was too chicken to fess up.
    And she is. But in my case, I would call her a ‘FILF’ (friend).

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