Pinterest Nightmare #189: The Face Trainer by No!No!

How are you guys doing with your New Year’s resolutions?

We figure there are three possibilities for most of us at this point:

1. You are doing great and your life is changed forever! It only takes two weeks to       establish a habit, and you are on your way, baby! (We give you props, you               amazing, glittery unicorn of New Year’s resolutions person. Tell us your secret. No really, tell us. We need all the help we can get.)

2. You are doing great because resolutions are for suckers! You’re fine exactly as you are thankyouverymuch. No resolutions = no broken resolutions! (You are a genius. We’re taking your approach next year. It’s better for our self-esteem)

3. You started the month with gusto and enthusiasm, but now you are remembering just why you don’t actually eat healthy foods, save more money, yell less, drink less alcohol, etc…IT’S REALLY HARD. You have vowed to restart your efforts in February…or maybe March. You need to rest up from all the work you’ve already done in the past few weeks before you have the gumption to try again. (You are the Dose Girls. There’s always next year.)

As we mentioned earlier this month, we have vowed to consider to start thinking about doing some form of exercise for several minutes every day week. Last week, Ashley double checked that her tennis shoes still fit. I took all of the clothes hanging on my elliptical to be ironed and hung them on a doorknob.

That’s how serious we are. We are bringing it.

To prepare for our new push of fitness and activity that will *surely* be coming in February (or March), we’ve been scouring Pinterest for tips.

That’s how we came across this awesome fitness pin…

Pinterest Nightmare #189: The Face Trainer by No!No!

Face Trainer by No!No!

as pinned from www.my-no-no.com

No, this isn’t a lady with a sinus headache and questionable taste in hats. No, it’s not someone doing her damnedest to drag her charades team to victory despite the very difficult clue “A Fish Called Wanda”.

This woman is currently in the middle of an intense work out with her Face Trainer by No!No! This fantastic device velcros to your head while you perform a series of patented resistance exercises. It’s like planking…FOR YOUR FACE.

When was the last time someone stopped you on the street to compliment the bulk you’ve achieved on your zygomaticus major? Yep, I thought so. Well, get ready for the compliments to roll in because The Face Trainer is going to make your buccinators the envy of every meathead at the gym!

Having a hard time picturing this in action? I have taken the liberty of watching every available Face Trainer instructional video and condensing them down to a few of their signature moves. Once you undergo the 15 step process of attaching The Face Trainer to your head, you can look forward to 3 sets of 15 reps of this:

6bx3c

6bx0g 6bx78

 

 

 

 

 

 

I know just what you’re thinking. They are really going to have ripped auriculars when they are done. Boy and how!!

But it’s not easy achieving a six-pack face. The website issued several caveats:

  • Do not wear while operating a motor vehicle (This rules out exercising while I’m waiting in the carpool line. Bummer.)
  • Do not use if your face or neck currently have acne, sunburn,
    rashes, open cuts, sores, blisters, or herpes (I can only use this when I have no blemishes OR open sores? That’s a tall order.)
  • You may use with facial hair, but you can expect some chaffing and irritation (No problem. I’ll pluck my chin hairs and keep my mustache properly waxed)
  • Use after shaving, waxing, or hair removal will cause irritation and discomfort (Hey, wait a minute…)

I’m stoked that I can order a Face Trainer for only $200 (plus S&H)! What a steal! I’m going to take it to the YMCA and sneak in a few face reps while I’m waiting for the leg press to open up. I bet all my gym buddies will really sit up and take notice of my dedication to facial fitness.

Oh, Pinterest. No…just no.

 


Comments

Pinterest Nightmare #189: The Face Trainer by No!No! — 104 Comments

  1. Where has this been ALL my training life? Obviously this is the solution to every one of my clients problems!! I especially enjoy the move where you choke yourself – genius!! Thank you Dose Girls and thank you Pinterest. What would I do without you?

    • I know you are currently working on your biking, but PLEASE…WHATEVER YOU DO…do NOT neglect your face muscles. They’ve been getting a pass for far too long now. I bet you can do the Face Trainer *while* you bike! Synergy! I know you can do it, Allie!!

  2. My first thought seriously was A Fish Called Wanda! But this just is so wrong on so many different level and don’t even know where to begin. Thanks for the laugh and smile on my crazy Friday morning and you both never fail on that one!! :)

    • I don’t think they call that move the “fish out of water” but they should. They call the one the guy is doing the “surprised puppy dog” so it’s a natural progression. I am totally going to have a ripped face by bathing suit season!

    • No concerns whatsoever! And I bet your fellow travelers would be so impressed, you’d even get your own row on the airplane. Yes!! 😀

    • You are totally BRINGING IT, Stacey! I cannot imagine a better match for the Face Trainer than Prancercise. It’s perfection. You will be the talk of the hood! 😀

    • YES!! I’ve been thinking that my FINGERS don’t get much of a sweat on either. I mean I type a lot, but it’s not to the level of anaerobic exercise so…let’s work on this. I’m sure we could get something excellent out there an and on the patent rolls!

  3. 200 bucks….why can’t I just use my skull cap….do they have this for my body though I can just put something around my stomach and everytime I walk I get a little six pack

    • Kita. YOU ARE A GENIUS. I want that body wrap thing. You should start working on it. If they can charge $200 for the face, think of how much you can charge for a whole body velcro wrapping thing!! The sky is the limit! 😀

    • Bwahahahaha. CHRISTINE!!! This is definitely right up your alley! I don’t see how you could go wrong writing this off as a business expense. It’s a solid plan. 😀

    • Never say never, Teri. It’s NEVER too late to get your face in shape. Don’t sell yourself short!

      I just find these things in my feed. Now, occasionally I do a search. Putting “weird”, “strange” or “stupid” in the search helps like… “Stupid exercise” and BAM…you’ve found yourself a Pinterest nightmare. I love Pinterest!

    • Exactly, Patti!! I love that it’s by the No!No! people who brought the world the device that gets rid of hair without shaving, tweezing, epilating, lasers, or waxing…aka it works BY MAGIC! I feel like facial fitness must work in the same way. 😀

  4. This is it!! Finally an exercise I can do while I’m sitting on my ass or working on my computer (yea, I’m calling it working right now, have a problem with that!!) Thank you so much!!! 200, that’s peanuts!!

    Once again I bow down before you two!! Hysterical!!

    • That’s the spirit, Kathy! I feel like I’ve finally found my workout niche with facial fitness. I’m not good at planking or burpees (whatever those things are–they sound hideous), but I can rock out some facial reps like an Olympian. 😀

  5. I knew I was forgetting a major muscle group!!! Horrendous. And you know there are a lot of people buying this! wow. As for resolutions, I didn’t even bother to make any this year! :-)

    • Good for you!! There is no better way to ensure you will *not* do something than to make a New Year’s resolution about it.
      I’m so glad you’re hopping on the facial fitness bandwagon. We need to get the message out! We do not want this to become a nation of facial flabbies!!

  6. Wait..but what is it?? Training your face to do what??
    Ahhh!

    Oh, that reminds me. I set out in January to do the planking challenge, but once it got to 90 seconds, I decided it was insane.

    • 90 SECONDS???? Surely that’s a typo and you meant 9 seconds. YES!! 9 seconds sounds insane!! (except for face planks…those are don’t look insane at all)

  7. Dear No!No!
    No. I can’t. I’m sorry. It’s enough having to brush my children’s teeth as they wriggle stretched out in my lap after a long day. It’s enough to brush the oh so willing dog’s teeth with a new toothbrush each night because he swallows its predecessor. It’s enough to remember to slap cream on my face every second week, I mean every night.
    No. I can’t drag your face trainer over my head at the end of a long day.
    Should you craft one in a prettier colour – say fuschia – I might, just might, consider donning it for day use. Remind me not to wear it into the bank though. The tellers would set off the silent alarms the minute they laid eyes on me …

    • Bwahahaha! You are a GENIUS, Kelly!! If they did produce them in fashion color and patterns, you could just wear it all day and exercise as when it suited you!! You need to email the people at No!No! and start working in their R&D division!!!! 😀

    • So true, Rabia! They will be so impressed with your dedication to fitness they will scamper out of your way and you can walk onto every machine with no delay. Splendid!!

  8. I’m just thinking this would be murder on my TMJ. I’ll take a pass. They say it’s sexy to have a little wiggle in your step…They didn’t specify where, and I fully intend to exploit that fact! 😉 The neck is close enough to the hips, right? 😀

    • I know, right?! We were shocked that we’d never thought of it ourselves! I mean…our faces are right out there to been seen by everyone…even in sweater season! We’re working on a whole new level of fitness now!

  9. Why can’t you wear when driving a car? That doesn’t make sense. You can do everything else when you drive a car.
    vowed to consider to start thinking — that’s a good one.

    • Good question, Bill. I can only assume it’s because other drivers might swerve off the road in a rage of jealousy.

  10. Six-pack face! Hahaha. And I also wondered at the “no facial hair but don’t shave” bit. I feel like this would either give me a migraine or cure them once and for all. Who would buy this? Maybe a bank robber who’s looking for fill out their ski mask more sexily. Your Fish Called Wanda reference made me think of this:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0F6Ilu4LJio
    Sharing on Facebook….

    • Thanks for sharing, Liz! 😀
      I *love* that clip!! John Cleese is trying so hard to be patient!
      It’s a total head scratcher how we are supposed to have no facial hair but use no methods to remove it. WAIT. A. MINUTE!!
      The No!No! company makes that magical hair remover. I bet *that* is how we’re supposed to do it! They are really geniuses.

  11. I cannot stop watching those videos!!! That has got to be one of the funniest things ever!!! And $200?! I think that we should all get several!! Maybe we could turn it into the next big “home party” craze!! Did it say anything about drinking alcohol while wearing? Cause I’m pretty sure that is going to be necessary!!!

    • FANTASTIC IDEA, KIM!! I can just see us now at Face Trainer home parties. There seem to be no restrictions with alcohol! (Like you, I think alcohol might be helpful!)

  12. If my husband walked in on me doing this with that thing on my Face, he’d assume I was drunk. My daughter would think I was pretending to be an alien or something and would want to join in.

    • Although they didn’t put it in the directions, I think the Face Trainer is best used when you are alone. That way you can really let go and try to feel the facial burn!

  13. That is so awesome! I will admit that when I was doing this “strengthen your core” book, they had facial exercises that supposedly prevented wrinkles. For many months in my LATE TWENTIES (what was I thinking???) I did exaggerated “X” and “O” mouth exercises. For real. As for how I am doing with my New year’s resolution for mediocrity? Spectacular.

    • Bwahahaha! Great resolution! 😀
      I think your previous facial fitness experience will really help you out when you get a Face Trainer. I’m so impressed that you were into face training before it was cool. You’re a trendsetter!

  14. Oh. My. God. That thing is completely bizarre – and $200?!!!! Wow, there are really people out there with more money than they know what to do with…

    • Oh, yes!! You have to do those moves and several others! It only takes about 10 minutes a day to get your face in top form!

  15. I’ve been so happy doing my 7-minute workout every morning, thinking I’ve been hitting my major muscle groups…. Only to find out I’ve totally dropped the ball! My face! How could I have been such a fool.

    • I feel you, Robin! I had exactly the same thoughts when I found the Facial Trainer. And everyone can see my face and here I’ve been neglecting it for so long!! But now that we know better we can do better. I think Oprah said that. .

  16. That’s just…No! No! I’ve not seen this but I am not surprised that such amazingness is brought to us by the same company that brought us the hair removal system that will shock…er knock…your socks off.

    • Exactly. These’s people at No!No! have got it going on. I wonder if they’ll ever sponsor Face Trainer class. It would be fun seeing a whole room of people throwing off these moves!

  17. OMG I’m dying here trying not to laugh so hard. The choking-yourself-silly might comes in handy one day hahahaha.

    • I bet that move would be really helpful!! (as long as nobody misunderstood it and thought you were doing the international sign for choking)

    • Hmmmm….I’m not sure if it will help with wrinkles, but your face will be so muscular, everyone will just be staring at that. I’m in, too! 😀

    • I will admit the 15 step process it takes to strap it to your face is pretty intimidating. I bet once you get used to it, you hardly notice the discomfort! 😀

  18. Thank you so much. The face trainer is one thing (though I must echo Tamara, what are we training for? Is there a face contortion Olympic event I haven’t heard about? Because if there is, I would totally win, without this dang ‘trainer’), but it’s your commentary that makes this pure gold and definitely the funniest thing I’ve read all day.

    • Thanks, Christy! I think we might will be training to give us a fully bulked up face. Who doesn’t want that?! 😀

  19. I just don’t even know where to start on this one. I mean, first of all, just look at how ridiculous those people look while doing that. I dare someone to watch that and not crack up. Second, and maybe most importantly, WHY? At least they got the company name right: No!No!

    • Most people don’t mind looking a little silly for a perfect face 6 pack, don’t you think?! It won’t be long before face training overtakes the nation!

  20. OMG I’m DYING over here! First, I love that you are totally working on looking good for your fitness by ironing your workout gear. That’s a win! My friend posted her neck exercise thing that she bought online…I think I will share this amazing face trainer with her!

    • Squee!! You’ve got to let us know about her neck exerciser, too!! That sounds like it could be right up our alley!

  21. Okay, so I was mentally preparing my comment while reading the post…but then I got to $200 and I’m stuck. $200? $200?! $200!!!!!!!!??????? No….no…just…no. (btw…the planks for your face line is the BEST). Have a happy weekend, ladies!

    • I know!! We were shocked that it was only $200, too! We neglected to mention they say you need to replace it every 3 to 4 months, too…..so over the course of a year it would be more like $600-$800 to keep your face maximally trained. What a bargain!

  22. Holy hell. A steal really at $200, because my face has been severely out of shape for years now. I’m going to add this to my so-far untouched New Years resolutions. Maybe by June or so, I’ll be able to model my 6-pack face abs. Whoot!!

  23. A Fish Called Wanda! Hilarious! :)
    I just can’t imagine being that dedicated to facial fitness, honestly.

    • I know!! It really does look like a sketch from SNL, doesn’t it? But it’s 100% REAL! That makes it even better!

  24. That is coffee-out-the-nose funny! I am so glad I have put off jumping on the resolution bandwagon this year. But if my face ever feels in need of a good workout I’ll keep this in mind. Then I’ll come back read it again, laugh til my cheeks hurt – again, and my face will be good as new I’m sure!

    • Bwahahahaha! Thanks, Dot!! Just the thought that we could be contributing to facial fitness warms our heart! 😀

  25. I’ll stick with using a thigh master on my face, thanks.

  26. OHMYGOSH this is freaking HILARIOUSLY OUTRAGEOUS!!!

    I can’t stop laughing at those video streams!!! And only 200 bucks PLUS shipping and handling eh?

    WTHECK is going on in our world??!!!

    And btw- I could never ever wear one anyway- my face without a blemish is like a day over here above zero. Chances are NILL!!!!! 😉

    • I know. I really thought the “no blemish” thing was harsh. As if adult acne wasn’t already heartbreaking enough. *sob*

  27. She looks like she’s in the middle of an exorcism. Look at the facial expressions! And only $200 plus S+H? Thing is, there’s a bunch of nutjobs who will actually buy this hot mes. Yikes!

    • Now that you mention it, it does sort of look like an exorcism is being performed. It might just have a duel purpose! That helps with the price tag!

  28. I’m sorry, but what does this actually do for your face?! I mean besides helping with the blood flow, does it make your face look like Arnold Schwarzenegger 437 years ago? Because if that’s what it does…NO!

    • Don’t worry, Xae!! I think it makes you look like Arnold Schwarzenegger NOW!! That sealed the deal, didn’t it?! 😀

  29. When I started reading this post I was chuckling, by the end of it I had to put my coffee down and I was practically crying with laughter. Not only is this product amazing but you’ve really captured it’s ability to impress even further with the instructional clips that you picked. And $200?! What even…?!

    • Thanks, Angela. We are proud to do our part in promoting facial fitness. The GIFs were the least we could do! 😀

  30. have you ever seen the movie mommy dearest? faye dunaway (who plays joan crawford) wears something exactly like this in the movie (bedroom or nighttime scene) – to keep her face looking youthful. i have other things to worry about besides ‘working out my face,’ like attending to all those resolutions i did not make. YAY!

  31. Oh, wow! I wonder if there’s a real medical reason for this? Because $200 is a whole lotta money to fork over. Either that or maybe it’s to keep your face from aging. In which case I’m sure there would be a ton of people who would fork over that kind of money too. Amazing the kinds of products you see nowadays! How do these businesses stay alive?

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