How are you guys doing with your New Year’s resolutions?
We figure there are three possibilities for most of us at this point:
1. You are doing great and your life is changed forever! It only takes two weeks to establish a habit, and you are on your way, baby! (We give you props, you amazing, glittery unicorn of New Year’s resolutions person. Tell us your secret. No really, tell us. We need all the help we can get.)
2. You are doing great because resolutions are for suckers! You’re fine exactly as you are thankyouverymuch. No resolutions = no broken resolutions! (You are a genius. We’re taking your approach next year. It’s better for our self-esteem)
3. You started the month with gusto and enthusiasm, but now you are remembering just why you don’t actually eat healthy foods, save more money, yell less, drink less alcohol, etc…IT’S REALLY HARD. You have vowed to restart your efforts in February…or maybe March. You need to rest up from all the work you’ve already done in the past few weeks before you have the gumption to try again. (You are the Dose Girls. There’s always next year.)
As we mentioned earlier this month, we have vowed to consider to start thinking about doing some form of exercise for several minutes every
day week. Last week, Ashley double checked that her tennis shoes still fit. I took all of the clothes hanging on my elliptical to be ironed and hung them on a doorknob.
That’s how serious we are. We are bringing it.
To prepare for our new push of fitness and activity that will *surely* be coming in February (or March), we’ve been scouring Pinterest for tips.
That’s how we came across this awesome fitness pin…
Pinterest Nightmare #189: The Face Trainer by No!No!
No, this isn’t a lady with a sinus headache and questionable taste in hats. No, it’s not someone doing her damnedest to drag her charades team to victory despite the very difficult clue “A Fish Called Wanda”.
This woman is currently in the middle of an intense work out with her Face Trainer by No!No! This fantastic device velcros to your head while you perform a series of patented resistance exercises. It’s like planking…FOR YOUR FACE.
When was the last time someone stopped you on the street to compliment the bulk you’ve achieved on your zygomaticus major? Yep, I thought so. Well, get ready for the compliments to roll in because The Face Trainer is going to make your buccinators the envy of every meathead at the gym!
Having a hard time picturing this in action? I have taken the liberty of watching every available Face Trainer instructional video and condensing them down to a few of their signature moves. Once you undergo the 15 step process of attaching The Face Trainer to your head, you can look forward to 3 sets of 15 reps of this:
I know just what you’re thinking. They are really going to have ripped auriculars when they are done. Boy and how!!
But it’s not easy achieving a six-pack face. The website issued several caveats:
- Do not wear while operating a motor vehicle (This rules out exercising while I’m waiting in the carpool line. Bummer.)
- Do not use if your face or neck currently have acne, sunburn,
rashes, open cuts, sores, blisters, or herpes (I can only use this when I have no blemishes OR open sores? That’s a tall order.)
- You may use with facial hair, but you can expect some chaffing and irritation (No problem. I’ll pluck my chin hairs and keep my mustache properly waxed)
- Use after shaving, waxing, or hair removal will cause irritation and discomfort (Hey, wait a minute…)
I’m stoked that I can order a Face Trainer for only $200 (plus S&H)! What a steal! I’m going to take it to the YMCA and sneak in a few face reps while I’m waiting for the leg press to open up. I bet all my gym buddies will really sit up and take notice of my dedication to facial fitness.
Oh, Pinterest. No…just no.