Pinterest Nightmare #238: Neuticles

Wednesday we had a snow day in Charlotte.

We did it all.

Since our deepest snow pocket was in the crinkle of the grill cover and measured about 2 inches, we made pocket sized snowmen using chocolate sprinkles for eyes and toothpicks for arms. We even did some “sledding” on the hilly part of the street! We did have to put away the wooden sled when sparks started to fly from the friction of the blades on the bare concrete. Unfortunately, there’s no grill cover to catch the snow on the street. Hey, you’ve got to take what you can get south of the Mason-Dixon line.

We then came inside to warm up. We played a few rounds of The Game of Life in which Lucy had to have a second car to hold all of her peg children, and Bobby refused to go to college because “It’s a waste of time”. Lovely.

That got us to 9 AM. Snow days are really long, aren’t they?

We flipped on the TV next, and that’s when we saw the greatest thing…The Price is Right is still on the air!! Did you know that? It’s no longer hosted by Bob Barker, though. Drew Carey has stepped in and is doing a fine job. He even signs off the telecast with the public-service message, “Help control the pet population—have your pets spayed or neutered,” just like Bob Barker did. Aw!!

At that point, I took a little breather from snow day parenting and locked myself in the bathroom with my laptop. It was the only way I was going to get a little free time to spend on Pinterest. Don’t judge me.

I felt like Drew Carey’s sign off words were still hanging in the air when I saw this pin…

Pinterest Nightmare #238: Neuticles


As pinned from

Don’t worry. I wasn’t sure what this was at first either. Let me enlighten you.

These are Neuticles, a testicular cosmetic implant that you can request when you have your pet neutered so he can keep his…er…natural look. It’s okay. Take a minute to let that really sink in.

According to the website, Neuticles were developed to help pets “retain self-esteem after neutering and minimize the pet and pet owner’s trauma and embarrassment associated with the neutered look.”


When my childhood dog, Sarge, was neutered, it was *so* humiliating for him AND me. I was only 6 and didn’t know balls were used for anything but four square, but I knew enough to be mortified by his appearance. Can you imagine how emasculated *he* must have felt about the whole thing? I mean he still humped anything that got in his way (and as a 95 pound boxer, that was a lot of things), but still. You know his self-esteem suffered.

If only they’d had Neuticles back then. Sorry, Sarge.

They are available in a variety of models such as Original (the cheapest at about $170 a pair but the most rigid), Natural (solid silicone for a more natural feel), Ultra Plus (the most lifelike feel and hang possible), and Ultra Plus with epididymis (The epididymal addition makes them so realistic that vets might not even realize they are fake during the pet’s yearly physical! These run about $630 a pair. You have to be prepared to pay for doctor-fooling levels of quality.)

Before and After Neuticles

Can you tell which model Bruiser is sporting?

While cats and dogs are their most frequent clients, they proudly note in their “Interesting Facts” section that many other pets have been Neuticled including prairie dogs, water buffalo, monkeys, and even rats! Isn’t it nice to know we live in a world where rat owners care enough to provide cosmetic enhancements for their rodents?

In addition to interesting facts, they have several ringing endorsements from pet owners on their website including:

  • “A dog is like a kid- have consideration for his feelings.” –Greg in Fresno, CA
  • “He’s a guy & I wanted him to remain looking like one.” –Lane in Metairie, LA
  • “Just call me a caring pet owner.” –Trish in Anchorage, AK
  • “Thanks.” –Jack in Los Angeles, CA

And if those testimonials aren’t enough for you, they even have a major celebrity who has given her seal of approval. Kim Kardashian, star of Keeping Up with the Kardashians, had her dog, Rocky, Neuticled when he was neutered. Their picture is even on the website. You know it’s a good idea if the Kardashians are doing it.

Oh, Pinterest. No…just no.



Pinterest Nightmare #238: Neuticles — 144 Comments

  1. Have I told you lately that I love you? I am laughing my butt off over here!!! I know I say this ALL the time about these posts, but I truly cannot believe this one! The ending with the Kardashians is just icing on the cake. There are no bigger morons in the world! Love the visuals of “Buster” – OMG!!! Hilarious.

    • Thanks, Allie! I love you, too!!
      It’s such a great idea, isn’t it? I’m a little worried that, like Joan Rivers, once we start our pets down the road of cosmetic surgery they won’t want to stop. They’ll end up begging for a nip and tuck for their jowls or a nose job. But it’s worth it for their self-esteem! 🙂

  2. Seriously, we need more snow days if you are coming up with gems like this in the privacy of your own bathroom hiding away from the kids! Seriously, we had three days off in a row last week after the weekend from Martin Luther King Day and snow days. Seriously, can you say done and over here! I really just was never so happy to take my kids back to school and have my husband go back to work, lol! 🙂

    • Ugh. I don’t know how many more snow days I can survive. Thank goodness we don’t get many here in Charlotte. At least there’s always Pinterest to entertain us!

    • I know! I can’t believe it took this long for testicular plastic surgery to hit the vet’s office, either! FINALLY!!!

  3. Yay for a snow day! I completely know what you mean about doing all the best things….and then it’s only 9am! Reminds me of the song When Will My Life Begin? from Tangled…we watched a lot of movies during our snow days!

    • Movies on snow days are the BEST, Ginny Marie. We watched a musical marathon on Netflix and my son introduced me to Doctor Who. You’d think I would love snow days more given that I love TV. Go figure.

    • They sure do, Sarah!! They use the XXSmall size. Isn’t it fantastic that even rodent owners care that much about their pet’s self-esteem?!

    • Sarah- why are Neuticles ‘horrifying’? They are FDA medically approved and over 600,000 pets have been Neuticled when being neutered with no complications. They encourage pet owners to neuter when they wouldnt otherwise thus helping to reduce pet over population. If maintaining a God given look is “horrifying” to you then something must be wrong.

    • Thanks, Meredith! Our heads are spinning, too. How have we lived this long without pet cosmetic surgery? It’s like we were in the Stone Ages.

    • Are you sure you won’t reconsider, Amber? For only about $630 (plus whatever fee your vet charges, of course) you can help Max regain his manhood…er…cathood. It’s a small price to pay for his self-esteem.

  4. Let’s start with your intro. YES, snow days are the LONGEST! We got about six inches here and were snowbound Tuesday and Wednesday. It was so cold yesterday that everything was delayed. I was counting down the seconds until those daycare doors re-opened!

    Poor MacAfee! His life might have taken a completely different path if they’d had neuticles 10 years ago! And if the Kardashians endorse it, you know it’s gotta be a winner.

    • Our poor little guys have really had to suffer with no Neuticles in their lives. Not only were they neutered (which is necessary) but then they were emasculated because we did not give them plastic surgery. I feel such a shame spiral about it. *sigh*

    • Thanks, Crystal!
      Now that we know Neuticles exist, we can make sure our pet’s self-esteem never suffers! Yay!!

  5. For crying out loud!! Between this one and the last one, I am obviously not fir to own a pet! I can’t believe all that I have been doing wrong. I am so sorry Oscar!! Now I know why you meow all the time and annoy the crap out of us!!

    • When you know better you do better, Rabia. It’s not too late for Oscar. The next time he goes in for a tooth cleaning, maybe you can set him up with some Neuticles!

  6. I have no words – except that this may actually be the best find for you guys on Pinterest yet (and with 4 straight days of schools closures in Brunswick, County, I have locked myself in a bathroom with my laptop more than once )

    • I’m glad to know I’m not the only one, Ilene. Four snow days in a row…whew…that’s the WORST!! (the only thing possibly worse might be getting neutered without Neuticles…but it’s a hard call!)

  7. I am dying! Thanks for the laugh! This was hysterical. I’m not even sure what to say being that I have no pets and if I did, his balls would be the lowest on my priority list.
    So funny about the snow day. We played the game of Life once and Nico asked me, “What career can I do that pays the most money with the least amount of work?” I am so proud.

    • Bwahahahahaha! Nico and Bobby would make a great team in the Game of Life! (Your pet ball priority made me die laughing)

  8. I think your part about the snow day is the funniest part. I like the subtle way you leave it to us to notice you had a snow day when the street was bare concrete

  9. This is down right wrong on so many levels. I can’t imagine spending more money than it cost to get the dog neutered in the first place to give him fake balls. That’s just wrong!

    • While Neuticles can increase the cost of the procedure by about 600%-ish (depending on your pet’s size and the model you choose, of course), I think we can all agree that it’s critical to do whatever you have to do to maintain their self esteem!!

    • Crystal- please stand up and tell the class how is it “wrong”? Pet owners want their male dogs to look like a male. Neutering for some is traumatic enough- but to mutilate the pet in the process adds insult to injury. Neuticles are for upscale pet owners who want the best for their pet and Neuticles do NOT add 600% to Neutering. Neutering with Neuticles is 100% safe and complication free- so tell us Crystal why is that wrong?

  10. I am pretty speechless right now….first let me say I live in Houston so our “snow day” was approximately one hour & nothing stuck to the ground, so in comparison to NC you had a blizzard! lol! Now on to neuticles…where on Earth do y’all find this stuff??? Seriously. I wanted laugh uncontrollably but I think I might be too mortified. I have entirely too many scenarios in my head ending with those things becoming chew toys!! Agh!! TGIF ladies!! 🙂

    • Only on Pinterest, Tracie!! You’d never run across Neuticles on FB (except on our page, of course!)

      It’s nice to know we were blizzard conditions compared to somewhere!! 😀

  11. Hey lady, try EIGHT snow days! Even my first grader was getting bored with them.

    As for the Neuticles, I’m pretty sure the target audience for this product are the guys who put balls on their trucks. Because you don’t want to embarrass your truck, you know.

  12. I just have in mind the convo with the person who asks you if your neutered dog can mate with their dog so they can sell the puppies for money. Imagine the embarrassment when you have to say, “Those aren’t real. My dog is really neutered. Sorry if you misunderstood.” Awkward! And you’d be out the money you would’ve had if your dog would’ve been able to produce said puppies! Double ouch! Yah, I think this needs to not happen, especially since it is a bit over-the-top.

    • You know, I never thought of that. Plus, you know they wouldn’t believe you because Neuticles are so real looking. They would wonder why you don’t think their dog is good enough for your dog to mate with. Totally awkward!!!

  13. First, I’m impressed that you actually own sleds in North Carolina, that’s a miracle.

    Second, why in the hell would anyone want that? OH wait, I know! Because the dog is owned by a man! LOL My husband was horrified when we took our dog in to be fixed when the vet informed us that they actually remove the “wobbly bits”. I think it’s secretly why he never followed through on those vasectomy plans!

    • We have all sorts of sleds–but mostly because I grew up in St. Louis and how can I have my kids not have sleds?! They don’t get to use them often, though.
      The Neuticles *were* invented by a man! Good guess! 😀

  14. (2) snow days & 2hr hour delay today, I thought I was going to have a PANIC ATTACK…. forts all over my house, taped signs, fake ice rinks, dance parties, i’m TIRED! NOW to the dog balls, WTH????? only y’all….LOL! Happy Friday, Dose Girls!

    • Oh, the forts…and the art projects…and the puddles of water from where they left their stuff to dry. BLECH. Snow days are the worst!! Here’s to warmer days ahead!

    • You’ve got it, Shashi! I was on the fence about it until I saw that Kim had given it the thumbs up. Now it’s a no brainer!! 😀

  15. This is a really funny column. Few things:
    Sarge is a great name for a dog.
    Great job on the before and after pictures.
    $170-$630?? Maybe you could just buy him steak for the rest of his lifte to help his self-esteem.
    Sparks flying from a sled sounds pretty darn cool.

    • Sarge was the greatest dog EVER. We even took him to Olan Mills to get his picture taken. He was such a good boy!!

      I wonder which a dog would pick between fake balls and steak every day. That’s a fantastic canine “Would You Rather” if ever I heard one!

    • Just call her a pioneer in the canine plastic surgery area. I’m sure she’d consider that a compliment! 😀

  16. First, so glad I’m not the only one who takes the laptop into the bathroom with her to get a few minutes from the kids!
    And, yes, snow days are long…. We’ve had 11 so far this year….

    Now, as for this Pinterest find. Wow. I mean, just wow — I didn’t know a boy dog’s self esteem was so fragile…. Guess I’ll stick to my girls!

    • ELEVEN SO FAR THIS YEAR?!?! Oh, you poor thing!! No wonder you have perfected the laptop in the bathroom maneuver.
      Our pets have been girls for awhile now. We have to save up for Neutical money if we’re going to get boys.

  17. I can’t believe you guys actually have a sled! Send it up here. We only have a baby one, and my 4 and 6 yr old are too heavy to pull around. I’d buy them a new one for all of this CT snow, but I spent my money on fake nuts for my dog. 🙁

    • Bwahahahahaha. Well, you have your priorities in order, Amy. Nuts before sleds. That’s what I was taught, too. 😀

  18. I can only imagine you sitting in the bathroom, finding these implants from the Green Giant and screaming like you were on fire. Lol. This is the best. Ever!!!

    • Bwahahaha. It was exactly like that, Stacey! I let out a huge laugh and a WHOO HOO when I realized what I was looking at because I knew I was staring my next Pinterest Nightmare right in the face. Then I emailed Ashley to share the fun! 😀

    • I wouldn’t have thought it would be either, Kim! We’re lucky we have Pinterest (and the Kardashians) to show us the way! 😀

  19. This is something that I really need to get Sparky. He has misses licking himself so much so that all he does now is lay on his dog bed depressed. I think he needs to get a set. I can’t wait to see the joy on his little face when he sees that they came back. Priceless!

    • Bwahahahahahaha. I can hardly catch my breath from laughing so hard. THEY CAME BACK!! 😀 This might just be every neutered dog’s dream come true. And we can make it happen, Kris! 😀

  20. I can not tear my eyes away. Stunning. Truly stunning. Am suffering major remorse at letting my dearly departed golden retriever Oscar live in a world without these gems. He lost his gems (by surgery) as a pup. His embarassment must have been well hidden as he never once conveyed it to me. Mind you, he was covered in fur all over his body so it would have been difficult to detect that his was lacking in that area.
    Cannot wait to see your next pinterest find …

    • Hopefully that long fur helped lessen the blow his self-esteem must have felt, Kelly. I’m sure it did. My dog, Sarge, had short hair so there was no hiding it. Poor guy!

  21. Oh my gosh. This tops them ALL. And I know what you mean about the snow day and realizing it was only 9am. My preschooler has been out of school all week (they cancel when the other schools are delayed) and I am over the snow!!!

  22. Just wow. So when some dog owners dress their pets in silly little jackets and people criticize them for it, I guess this is the answer to: “Give him back his balls!” Done and done.

    • I felt the same way, Stephanie. First I looked…and then double checked what I was reading. Then I laughed and laughed. WHO KNEW?!?!

  23. Those are quite the testie-monials. Holy moly, this just sounds like a terrible idea. But somehow by the end of the post I starting to wonder if I am in fact doing my two Japanese Chins a disservice by not have them neuticled.

    • Testie-monials!! BWAHAHAHAHAH!!! Oh, I’m so mad I didn’t think of that for the post! I bow down!

      It’s never too late to go back and have your beloved babies Neuticled! A pair makes a great birthday gift!

  24. Really? I mean, seriously? Ball implants…for dogs and rats? Well, if Kim Kardashian says to do it, I’ll get right on it. My dog never had balls, so I guess she’s safe. She’s kind of a bitch actually.

    • If you can neuter it, you can Neuticle it after!! Isn’t that fantastic! But I think those of us with girl pets are in the clear…at least I think we are. I’ll consult Kim Kardashian and report back.

  25. I think I may buy a pair, have them dipping in gold, and wear them around my neck. It would make a nifty conversation starter for those rare times when I leave the house, in Ohio, where I have PLENTY of snow. I’m willing to share.

    • You will be pleased to know that the website has Neuticle earrings and key chains that you can purchase. No gold necklace, but I bet they can do that for you. They seem game! 😀

    • Aw, come on Amanda! You do it for their delicate self-esteem! But if that isn’t a concern, surely you won’t be embarrassed by walking a ball-less dog!!! That’s totally humiliating! 😀

  26. No, I am not happy that we live in a world where people buy $600 cosmetic implants for their pet’s balls. I am, however, happy the Price is Right is still on. I l’ve seen it a few times at the gym & I too was amazed it was still on but I always loved that show. Plinko was my favorite.

    • Plinko is the BEST!! I was so surprised that The Price is Right was still on! Drew Carey doesn’t seem to like people hugging and kissing him as much as Bob Barker did, but he’s still young. He’ll grow into the roll.

  27. Okay, that is REALLY bad. I think this is the worst nightmare yet. You had me laughing at visions of your pocket snowman with sprinkle eyes 🙂 My brother got stuck in the horrific traffic jam in Atlanta with their two inches of snow. I lived in NC for three years growing up and the year I moved there from PA they got the snowstorm of the century. I think it was like 6 inches or something and we were stuck in the hotel. No Pinterest back then 🙁

    • I don’t even know how I’d handle a long snow day without Pinterest. It sounds too depressing to even contemplate. I’m so sorry your brother got stuck in the Atlanta nightmare traffic jam. Poor thing!

    • Bwahahahaha. Speaking of which…they even point out in the FAQs that people cannot get Neuticles because many, many people have asked. (Although they say it’s only a technicality because they aren’t FDA approved.) 😀

  28. I love The Game Of Life!

    And uh..that said. Jack’s testimonial? Yes. Makes me a believer. And I can’t stop giggling and I think I’m keeping Des up with my giggling. So the prairie dogs? I mean…this company tests on animals, clearly. Obviously. It’s just do they really measure the self esteem of the before and after animal test subjects?

    • Jack’s testimonial really seals the deal, doesn’t it?! I didn’t think to ask how they are testing the pet’s self-esteem. I’m guessing they take them to a dog park and see how many friends they make?

  29. OY!!! What will they think of next? That picture of the dog before and after is kind of cracking me up – gonna show this to my husband and let him enjoy a good laugh, too.

    • Bwahahaha. Be careful if you have male pets, though. He might think Neuticles are a great idea and you’ll be out $600! 😀

  30. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Okay- so first I was CRACKING up OUT LOUD about the snow day bonanzas at your house. I KNOW!!! I remember a post I wrote about that a while back… I should go find it- cause I know you will relate!! Wait here.

    So after ten minutes I will NEVER get back- I found it. And it looks like one of you girls had commented so there’s that. Geesh.

    Anyoow- what the HECK is about THAT??? OHMYGOSH NO!! Pinterest- just NO!!!

    *I picture you in the bathroom sitting on the covered (or uncovered, doing your thang- with your laptop on your lap… and while you were searching.. PABOOM! There it was… and you were like- Oh no. Pinterest- but thank you for my material for the post!)*

    • It was me!! I read your snow day post! I love it!!!

      The way you picture it…it was JUST. LIKE. THAT. I saw this pin and once I realized what it was I thought DING DING DING we have a winner for Friday!! 😀

  31. I am reading this at 11:35 at night and I just woke the baby up with OMG saying it so loudly. I can’t with you all lol omg…..I just …I have nothing else to say.

    • Bwahahahaha. You could try it, but with the super lifelike pair, it might not get you very far. Thanks, Neuticles! 😀

  32. Oh how I’ve missed my Dose GIrls! I’ll be back at it soon but in the meantime….
    Seriously?!?!?! Puppy balls implants?!? I would bet a gazillion dollars (if I had a gazillion dollars) that this was invented by someone in southern California. Reading that Kim K is a fan just confirmed my suspicion. Unbelievable!

    • And it had to be a man, right? (But that’s not fair because I already know it was a man who invented Neuticles. He’s on their website.)

  33. I never realized what a horrible person I am for not getting these for my dogs when I had them neutered. The horror they must feel knowing that a part of them is missing could have been avoided completely had I only known! Thank you for sharing, I have to go investigate whether it is too late to have them “installed” now 😉

    • It’s not too late, Miranda! The next time your dogs go under for a teeth cleaning, just have Neuticles slipped in! It will be a bargain for about $1200 (plus surgeon fees and whatever the teeth cleaning costs.) Totally worth it!!

  34. Wow. I’m glad my dogs can’t read. Kailua would be mad we wasn’t Neuticled.

    So you mean to say you have sleds down south but you don’t know how to treat a road? (Sorry, had to get a little jab in!) 🙂 Still no snow days here in Brunswick, Maine!

    • Sure, sure, sure. Poke fun at those of us paralyzed by 1/2 an inch of snow. (I don’t even think that the city government knows you can salt a road)

      Poor Kailua…Illiterate and ball-less. *sob*

    • I think it’s not distain, it’s a pleading look. Your dog knows that your husband might be his only chance to answer the question “How’s it hanging?”

  35. Please don’t tell Jeffery about these. I just don’t have the cash. Truth be told he is such a little girly man. Maybe if he grew…er Neuticled…a pair he’d be a little more manly. Oh, no! is right.

    • Noooooooooooooo!!! Not Jeffrey!! We cannot take the chance that he’d go all manly man on you. That would not do. Jeffrey must never change!! 🙂

  36. Bwahahaha! You know, I’ve been quite worried about my dog’s self-esteem. I was pretty sure the other dogs at the dog park were making fun of him, but I didn’t think there was anything I could do about it. My only question, do I get the chihuahua size or the great dane size for him?

  37. Wow. The things people come up with. I wish we would get a snow day! It’s take much more snow than you got for us to have one. The sled throwing sparks from the concrete reminds me of when we use to go sledding down an abandoned road… we would hit a space of uncovered road with the sled, skid out then go rolling! Fun times!!

    • It takes more than a 1/2 inch to cause a snow day in your neck of the woods, Jeanne!! Those were they days when we could bounce off a sled without breaking something!! 😀

  38. I wonder if you have to buy them in pairs or if you can buy a “single” neutical. Because my dog Coconut only had one testicle and we called him “coco-one-nut”. It certainly wasn’t a problem for him – fathered 5 puppies and then I had him neutered and then we called him “coco-no-nuts”. So if he requested to have his masculinity restored, I’d only have to buy one!

    • I’ll have to check with the FAQs, but I am almost *positive* they will allow you to buy them separately, Gracielle! You are just one Neuticle away from Coconut’s ultimate happiness!! 😀

    • Oh, you have to reconsider, Terra! They will only run you about $600 (plus surgery and vet fees). That’s such a small and reasonable price to pay for your dog’s self esteem!! 😀

    • Thanks, Amber! I could not agree with you more. It’s very concerning. This epidemic of reduced pet confidence and self-esteem must end. Neuticles are the answer!

  39. Okay, I want to know if you searched for something in particular in order to find this monstrosity of a product. How on earth did you find them?? And why would the Kardashians associate themselves with this? Oh, wait, I realized what I just said…

    • Good question, Christy. I think it was “stupid cat products” that got me there. Or it might have been “crazy cat products”. Most Pinterest Nightmares can be found with the qualifiers: “Crazy” “Stupid” “disturbing” “weird” “grotesque” or “creepy”.

  40. What the WHAT? Seriously, how is it that people come up with these things? I suppose I never realized just how deprived I was going through all of my childhood without seeing dogs you-know-whats hanging down. How did I ever survive? (you know, the most frightening thing is that somebody thought it was a good idea to pin this in the first place….) Hope you’re having a great weekend, ladies!

    • If some awesome soul had not seen fit to pin the Neuticles to Pinterest, we’d all be missing out, Leslie! That would be a crying shame for us and all our animals! Thank goodness!!!

  41. Wow! Look at Bruiser whipping his neuticles back and forth! Gotta love the entrepreneurial spirit that comes up with these “must haves” in the pet world… and the owners who pony up and buy them. SMH

  42. You would think the boy cats and dogs would be happy you eliminated dangling balls so they could run better… especially bulldogs. They waddle so I could only imagine how many times those suckers swing and hit their leg a bit too hard each day.

    • I find it hard to believe that those things are comfortable just out there swinging around on any male of any species. They all sure seem attached to them though, so it must not be that bad. 😀

    • Bwahahaha. Too true, Stephanie. I suspect most people don’t have a clue as to what feels the most natural…at least I certainly hope so.

    • Shhhhhh!!! Don’t even type that, Catherine! Don’t give them any ideas! I’m sure breast implants (and tummy tucks) are next hot pet plastic surgery procedure!!

  43. Hello there, I actually think these neuticles are much better looking than the original ones my Mr.Cat has. Okay, I take my words back, he is giving me a killer look…. But I absolutely loved your post!

    P.s: Have a look at my blog please, I am on a blog promotion spree. So much for being subtle

  44. So… stupid. Like the animal cares.
    On the other hand, if it gets people to actually be responsible and neuter their animals, I guess I can’t complain too much

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