I’m Back…But I Won’t Promise I’m Wearing Pants!

It was 4 weeks ago tomorrow that I had my big surgery…and I’m finally back!!  Whoo Hoo!

Yes, for the past month The Dose of Reality has been held afloat 100% by Ashley! Did you enjoy a post on an interesting subject that really made you think? Ashley wrote it. Did you chuckle at a funny reply to a comment you made?  Yep…all Ashley. Since early September, the Dose GIRLS have actually been the Dose GIRL… until now! We are plural again, baby! WOOT!

Here’s the brief rundown. I was having a lot of abdominal pain. They found a mass on my ovary. They were worried about it and had a gynecologic oncologist do my surgery just in case. The surgery turned out to be more involved and tricker than was anticipated, but the mass was benign. Yay!

And now I’m back! I’m not quite 100% yet, but I can now sit at a table and type (and more importantly spend time on Pinterest THANK GOD), so life is getting back to normal!

Until this experience, I’d never had a major surgery. I’ve learned a few things that I want to share with you! (And also, Ashley deserves to have the day off.) So without further ado:

Surgery Pros and Cons

The Pros:

1.  Watching all the television you want…yay! In regular life, it can be tricky to get all your TV shows in while the dishes and laundry are piling up. Kids get huffy when you’re late to carpool because you had to see if Pharrell won that 4 chair turn on The Voice.  Well, nobody gives you the side-eye for watching the sixth hour of a The Golden Girls marathon on the Hallmark Channel when you are post surgical! Heck, people are happy and proud of you for just staying awake! For a TV addict, it’s a dream situation!

2.  People are so nice to you! I am blessed to have wonderful friends and family in my life, but MAN do people step up when you have surgery! Who knew?! My folks came to help take care of the children…for weeks. They didn’t even bat an eye! My kids were sweet and didn’t even fight at all (in front of me)! Friends called all the time just to check in and brought me things like books, flowers, plants, and casseroles! Love, free childcare, family harmony (in front of me), presents, and food? SCORE!

3.  Percocet!

4. Showing off your hideous scars! Everyone pretends like they don’t want to see your wounds, but you know they do. THEY DO. When you peel back the clotted gauze to reveal your scars in all their bruised and crimson glory, people really tend to have a reaction…

colbert

As the mom of a teenage boy, I can tell you it’s *really* satisfying to be the one able to gross him out for a change! HA!

5. You are medically ordered not to exercise! You heard me. A doctor has FORBIDDEN me to exercise! I’m not allowed to do aerobic exercise until 12 weeks post op! Heck, for the next 4 weeks I’m still not even allowed to carry anything over 5 pounds! You guys are all supposed to exercise daily to improve and maintain your health, but not me! SUCKERS!

The Cons:

1. Watching all the television you want…ugh! Like people who smoke 10 packs of cigarettes back-to-back to break their habit, all that television is a double edged sword. Thanks to TBS, I have logged hundreds of hours of Seinfeld, Friends, and now have entire seasons of Frasier committed to memory (Remember when Niles and Daphne finally got together? I do. I saw it last week.) YIKES! It’s a LOT of TV time. The new seasons of all my fall shows have started, and now my eyes water and twitch every time a television comes into my direct field of vision. I even start to shake a little bit! I am going to have to DVR a lot of Dancing With The Stars and The Amazing Race until I can work my way back to normal.

2.  Laughing is no laughing matter!  Forget about sit ups! This experience has taught me to appreciate the amount of work my abs do on a daily basis just so I can enjoy a good laugh from time to time… and also the occasional cough…and not to be greedy…but a deep breath now and then. I completely understood this on a theoretical basis, but I now recognize what my abs bring to the table in a whole new way.

3.  Surgery is expensive! I sure don’t have to worry about what we are doing with all of our disposable income for the foreseeable future.

throwing-money-away

Here you go, Carolinas Healthcare System. Just take it all!

4.  Going to the bathroom is a two man job! Well, a one woman (me) and one man (my husband) job anyway. For the past four decades, I’ve pretty much considered going to the bathroom an independent thing (except when I needed someone to hold back my hair in college, of course). I knew I was going to need help with some things after surgery, but it didn’t dawn on me that something as basic as getting on and off the commode was going to be one of those things. I will never take self-toileting for granted again!

5. Pants…I’m not wearing them. Although I am feeling good enough now to get out a bit, I am not exactly presentable for the general public. You see, one of my incisions falls right on the waistband of every pair of pants (or skirt) I own. I really can’t stand to have fastened pants on my body for more than 10 or 15 minutes at a time. Obviously this includes shorts and jeans, but even my beloved yoga pants are dicey. You know it’s serious when yoga pants are uncomfortable. As a result, I’ve been writing this whole blog post pant-less. I hope you aren’t scandalized.

Have I missed any obvious pros and cons here? Do you think a leg or shoulder surgery is worse? Can you help me think of a way I can go to Starbucks pant-less and not end up in jail? Let me know in the comments!

 


Comments

I’m Back…But I Won’t Promise I’m Wearing Pants! — 66 Comments

  1. So glad you are BACK and feeling better…although pant less :-) I too had to go pant less for a while after my appendectomy years ago. I know exactly what you mean about the incision falling in just the wrong place!! And, I know you already know this, but a 12 week ‘vacation’ from exercise would kill me… :-0

    • Oh, yes!! I absolutely *knew* an exercise ban would make your con list, Allie, even though it’s pretty much the highlight of the entire experience for me! 😀

  2. Definitely so glad you are back and that you are Ok. You reminded me a bit of bed rest, which I had during my second pregnancy with all the TV watching I could watch, but still like you said too much could be a plus and a negative all the same. Seriously, though so happy to have you back :)

    • It’s great to be back, Janine! I’ve really missed everyone! I can’t wait to catch up with everybody!

      I have a few friends that had to go on bed rest with pregnancies. One day might work out okay but any more than that…GAH! I can’t imagine doing that for weeks and weeks! I never thought I would turn away from the TV voluntarily, but there you go!!

  3. Yay, glad you’re doing better and everything is ok. By the way, when I was pregnant with Eve, while I would make jewelry, I rewatched Frasier in its entirety, so it’s still fresh in my mind 😉 Hope you can wear some pants soon!

    • You are my Frasier twin!!! Who knew?! 😀 It had been awhile since I’d seen that show, and I’d forgotten how funny it was!!

  4. One word: muu-muu. Or is that two words? Either way, it’s all in fashion for you now! Stock up. Bonus: It won’t matter that you haven’t exercised for months, the muu-muu hides everything!

    • Never has a fashion trend (if muumuu can be considered fashion) melded with my fitness situation so well. You are my new personal stylist, Rabia!! HIRED!

  5. Yay, I’m so glad you’re back and that everything is okay. Your list made me chuckle.

    And no pants? I am shocked.

    No, but seriously, no pants rock.

    • I’m afraid I’m getting a bit used to going pants-less and even when I’m able to put them on comfortably, I’ll be out of practice. I don’t really lead a life conducive to being pants-less, but it’s just so COMFY! I sure hope I can wean myself back into the normally-clothed fold eventually!!

  6. Glad you are back…..I never where pants it’s required when I pick the kids up but if I could get away with it lol. TV can be awesome especially when you don’t watch it much and discover a new show and glad you are back on Pinterest I could not go a week without it.

    • I have to do too much carpool to stay pants-less forever…but it sure it tempting! I missed Pinterest SO MUCH…even the nightmares! 😀

    • Thanks, Shashi! I can’t wait to catch up on your “mystery ingredient” recipes. I’m always amazed at the creative ways yous sneak nutrients into things! :)

    • She sure did!! She is the BEST!!! She has a spa day coming to her very soon!! (I’d go with her, but they frown upon arriving pants-less, darn it!)

  7. So glad you are back and all went well! You have been on mind!! I had c-sections with all three kids and the one thing that surprised me was just how hard and painful to get out of bed or off a chair. And when I mean hard I mean it really, really hurt! And yes, pants are overrated even before surgery! Lots of love to you and Ashley! xoxo

    • Thanks, Kathy!!
      I expected to have trouble for a day or two but this was ridiculous! I had no idea what I was in for! I can’t imagine going through that…with an infant to care for as well!! Whew!!

  8. I’m really glad you made it through the surgery in one piece, Lisa. I like that you put scaring people with your scar in the Pro section. My mother had the doctor bring me in when they were cleaning her surgical wound, she thought I would be interested. Sorry, no. Then my sister put a picture of her cellulitis in with other family photos to freak me out.
    But, you’ve been through a lot, so if you want to show off your scar, suture self.

    • What has the world come to if we can’t take pleasure in grossing out our family members?. Reading this made me feel that I’ve GOT to be actually related to you (not just blog related). I feel like I’d fit right in! 😀

      Suture self…BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (hey,ouch!)

  9. That Spanky gif is hilarious – way to go Carolina Health! I’m happy you are on the road to wellness and wish you a speedy, soon-to-be-in-yogapants recovery. Love the TV/Hate the TV point you made. It would be awesome…and then not!

    • Exactly, Katy! I never thought TV would turn against me. I thought it was impossible…until it was all I could do! *sob*

      I’ve love Spanky. He and I must have the same accountant.

  10. SO glad everything turned out well. I can relate, I had a C-section with my son, there is nothing like holding your stomach every time you do….well everything for the first little while.
    Hope you are back to full speed soon.
    Thanks to Ashley for holding down the fort, what would are days be like without your brand of humour? :)

    • Thanks, Jill!! I simply can’t imagine doing all of this and caring for an infant at the same time. You C-section moms are made of tough stuff!! Whew!

      Ashley is THE BEST!!!!

  11. How did you find the Spanky video? I actually remember it (as a rerun of course) Poor Lisa, I really feel sorry for you having to sweat out the results. And even with the percocet the pain is bad. (it only hurts when I breathe)

    • I just googled it! Viola!
      I’d never taken pain medicine before. I rejected it other times when it was offered (like for tooth pain) because I get itchy and I get nauseated easily. It doesn’t exactly take the pain away, you just don’t care that it’s there. TOTALLY WEIRD. (but handy when necessary!)

  12. Still giggling over the gif of the tot hurling $ … Welcome back Lisa. I am SO happy you are ok and didn’t delay the recovery due to sutures being popped by laughter. I bet it was touch and go in that department once or twice. My sister had her appendix out and it somehow fell to me to put on her wool slippers. Man alive. I couldn’t go near her without donning earplugs. “Don’t make me laugh! Don’t make me laugh!” Little hard as she has the most ticklish feet in the world…

    • It’s especially hard with Ashley sending me 100 funny emails and GIFs a day. I’d read them from my phone and be HAHAHA MOAN HAHA AGH *sob* My husband even took my phone away a few times because it was like torture!! 😀

    • I like the way you think, Kris! I feel like I can pull off the flasher look! Well done!! I’ll bring you a latte, too! 😀

  13. So, so glad that you are recovering well and most especially that the mass was benign. Sounds like a perfect time for you to rock a muumuu. Bring Hawaii to North Carolina! Start a fashion revolution! I’m absolutely certain that Ashley will enthusiastically join you. Muumuus for everyone!

    • Oh, Ashley already has a striking mini-muumuu in her closet. I’m sure I can talk her into modeling it for me for a Starbucks run! I’ll have to get one, too, and we can maybe accessorize with leis! Perfect!! :)

  14. You need some Mummus!! Then you can go to Starbucks and have some coffee:)
    I’m glad that you are doing better. Don’t overdo things – you don’t want a set-back because at some point you will be out of TV shows!!

    • You are SO RIGHT, Kim! I can’t imagine what I would have done if I’d already run out of TV!!! I better make sure I follow my doctors orders exactly! I don’t want to risk having to watch these same shows all over again! GAH!

  15. Welcome back! What a coinky-dink…I’m 3 weeks post-op today from my “BIG” surgery as well and I TOTALLY get where you’re coming from! Thank God ALL of my stitches are internal(if you know what I mean). I stay at home, but staying at home and NOT being able to do anything is a totally different story and YES you can only watch so much t.v., lol! I swear cabin fever sat in on day two! Thank God your mass was benign! I’ll be thinking of you and praying for you while we’re on our road to recovery!

    • We are living parallel lives, Michell! We should have been sitting there side by side watching TV! At least we would have been able to discuss all of the Golden Girls plots! Hope you are doing well!! I’ll be praying for you, too! :)

    • I don’t think I’ll manage a nightmare this week…but you might want to be afraid for the nightmare that will be coming your way NEXT Friday! MWAHahahaha! 😀

    • Pants are totally overrated, Dana! I’ve been surviving without them for weeks now! There *is* a drive thru Starbucks but it’s a haul from my house. It would be worth the road trip, though! 😀

  16. (covers her eyes to avoid seeing Lisa without pants!) Glad you are recovering and that the mass was benign!

    Ashley has done a good job of holding down the fort, but I’m sure she’s glad to have you back, as are we!

    • Thanks, Eva! Ashley was a champ to keep everything going! I would have probably thrown in the towel and collapsed if I were her! I *try* to be wearing pants for my next post so you’ll be able to uncover your eyes…but I’m not making any promises! 😀

  17. Ashley also kept up with commenting! She was awesome. I bet she’s glad to have you back. So am I.
    I’ve never had surgery on my body, although I had two oral surgeries that involved getting put to sleep and having long recoveries. Not the same, though.
    Really glad you’re here!

    • Aw! You are so sweet, Tamara!

      I had an eye surgery once, but and I had some eye stuff I had to do to heal, but I really felt fine during that so I don’t count it as a body surgery. I’m glad to know you’ve never had a surgery either! I hope you can stay that way forever!! ( I’m 46 and most people are amazed that I never had a body surgery before. I know you are much younger, but it’s nice to know I’m not the only one. I hope you manage to keep avoiding it!!)

  18. The pantsless part is what caught my eye- why are we so prone to love vulgarity!? LOL

    The first thing I thought of when you said you get to catch up on TV was how dang boring TV can get when you have all the time to watch it. I have had some surgeries in the past and TV time seemed great until that’s all I could do.

    It is definitely nice to have family and friends help out and make you feel loved. I didn’t even remember all the people who came to visit while I was in the hospital because the stuff they had me hooked up to.

    I hope you have a speedy recovery and that you heal fully and well!

  19. Ha! After 2 c-sections I can totally relate to this post. Maternity pants were my friend long after they were too big to wear. And I still remember the first time I finally took a Percocet after my c-section. It was one of the biggest reliefs I had felt in days…it was stupid of me to try and get by on ibuprofen alone. Glad to know you’re starting to feel better…and super happy to hear that the mass was benign!

  20. Welcome back!! I’m so glad you’re doing well and getting back to normal! Whenever i’m home from work i watch all the Frasiers too. Ashley did a great job of holding down the fort, and im super psyched both dose girls are back in action!! (also- pants are overrated. if you want to bring back kilts or snuggies or whatever- im game.)

  21. So glad that it was benign, and that you’re back, Lisa! :) You’ve been in my thoughts and prayers since I found out about your surgery. Hope you’re feeling 100% (and wearing your beloved yoga pants) soon! :)

  22. The reaction gif is priceless. I never had any surgery or even a broken bone, then bam. Emergency C-section. Everyone was figuring out how to get me to show them my scar and then they had that exact reaction. Since it needed to be done quickly, my incision wasn’t the cleanest. Almost three years later and it’s finally somewhat not raised anymore. And I’m not sure if this happened to you but how about those gas pains up to your shoulders?! I woke up and couldn’t move my arms and had no idea what was going on. Thankfully I was still in the hospital so the nurse informed me it was completely normal and it was gas.

    Glad you’re able to type and wear pants again! : )

  23. Oh LISA!!!!! I AM SO GLAD YOU ARE BACK AND OKAY!!!!!!

    I missed you and I have been praying for you!! Whew! Benign is a GOOD word, indeed!!!

    I will keep praying for your recovery, sweetie. And I remember when Derek had to bathe me for a MONTH because I couldn’t move hardly at all- I was SO bloated and black and blue EVERYWHERE- I looked like an alien morphed into a monster. And he was ALL over it! He LOVED getting in the the shower with me and soaping me up! Weirdo.

    God love him for it. And God love Robert for helping you pee and poo. lol

  24. Welcome back! I’m so sorry to hear about your surgery. I’ve had 4 laps, and ovarian torsion, and recently a uterine ablation. No bueno. Glad you are feeling better and your mass was benign!

  25. I understand about the waistband and the scar. Mine wasn’t a scare though. I had surgery and chose an epidural. That was umpteen million years ago, and I still have to wear jeans with elastic in the waist. That one spot just does not like pressure on it.

    Oh what we have to do in order to not be in pain.

  26. Oh wow, so glad you are back!I had laparoscopic surgery a few year back in my abdominal area and the pain! Thank heavens for percocet for reals!

  27. Welcome back! I came by before and then I got sidetracked and never read it! Story of my life these days! I am so glad you are back and that all is well. I hope the pain is shortlived but definitely take it easy…and take advantage of the rest time, because once you’re back, you’re back! Everyone will need you. So best to take care of you now. :) Feel better!

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