What Will Be Left When You Are Older?

In reading the post by Rage Against the Minivan about how it is time to tone down all the “holidays” a notch, I couldn’t help but think about the fact that it relates to something else that has really been bothering me.

It is this idea, this concept, this seeming need in our culture these days to have our children experience it all. As if there is some kind of ticking time clock over our heads that suggests somehow that if we don’t make sure our children have the latest electronics and play *all* the sports, and go as many places as possible that we have somehow failed.

And I get it, totally. I want nothing more than for my girls to learn how to ski. Because skiing is amazing and wonderful and fun and lots of their friends are doing it. But skiing is expensive and time-consuming and takes a tremendous amount of effort to pull off the right way. Admittedly, I want them to learn to ski in Colorado, just like I did. And so when each winter passes by without a trip there, I feel a pang of guilt and a bit of anxiety, as if my mind is saying, “There goes your shot. Again.” I then have to remind myself that my girls are nine and five. There is plenty of time left to ski. Or maybe they will never ski and that will have to be okay, too.

It has me wondering that if by age nine, my daughter already has a Kindle Fire and access to an iPad and has been to New York City twice and on and on and on, what is left for her to experience when she is older? Am I somehow setting her up for crushing disappointment when real life settles in, and she realizes that you can’t always have exactly what you want when you want it. Am I taking away her opportunity to experience the joy of growing up and having amazing opportunities come in due time? Am I robbing her of the feeling of genuinely waiting for something you really want and the excitement when you actually get it?

I remember in 8th grade there was a big dance at the end of the school year. I also remember that there was a giant controversy over whether or not the girls should be allowed to wear strapless dresses. At the end of the day, the mothers organizing the dance decided that we girls would have plenty of time left in our lives to wear strapless dresses and perhaps 8th grade is not the time for that. Of course, all of us girls protested and whined and complained and were just sure that we were old enough, mature enough, grown up enough to pull off that look. Today, I look back from the mom seat and say a silent thank you to those moms who knew best. There was plenty of time left. And we were all better off for having to wait.

See, life is full of waiting. And monotony. And routine. And missing out.

Life is full of missing out.

It seems as though we have forgotten that in our little suburban bubbles, and I think we may be missing the chance to teach it to our children.

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Maybe it really is okay to say to our children, not right now. Or no. Or perhaps next year. Or when you are older.

Maybe the short-term pain of their anger or sense of injustice and the unfairness of it all will be met with the long-term gain of their ability to be patient. To genuinely learn what it is to wait. To work hard. To really understand that in life there is something to be said for getting something all in due time.

 

“Arie” Excited? We Found The Next Bachelor

You guys KNOW how we feel about The Bachelor. We have lovingly written about it all season. We know we lose IQ points for every hour we watch, but we don’t care. Happiness always comes at a price. We also take a perverse pride that we have introduced many of our tender readers to the show. We have gotten comments like, “God help me, I think I might tune in next week thanks to you guys.” That’s how we know the work we do here at the blog really counts.

As you undoubtedly know, last night was the HotSean! season finale. We were thrilled when HotSean! selected Catherine from among all the hos on the show. She was always a favorite of ours. It was magical and lovely, just like a stupid Bachelor ending should be but never, ever is.

But now that the finale has run, the reign of HotSean! has come to an end. Now he’s just regular old Sean of Sean and Catherine. It’s okay. We’re fine with it. Toward the end he didn’t even take his shirt off all that much. Besides, you know he has to consume crates of raw eggs and no less than 8 chicken breasts a day to keep his protein intake at chest maintenance levels. We don’t have time for that falderal. We are ready to move on.

And we know without a shadow of a doubt who we want to move on with us. Yes, we do.

The next Bachelor needs to be:       Arie Luyendyk Jr. 

Arie the BachelorNow, if you read our opening post from this season, you already know our thoughts on Arie. Well, you know our rated G thoughts on Arie, anyway. He was the runner up on Emily’s Bachelorette season. It blows our minds that she released him back into the wild. We were surprised when she dumped Sean, but we were flabbergasted when she discarded Arie. Arie should come in second to nobody. EVER.

Here’s the thing: Arie is sexy personified. There is something about him that is a little bit dangerous in just the most delicious way. He smolders. Oh, how he smolders.

Arie doesn’t need an overly muscled chest to have it going on. Oh, he’s no slouch, but he doesn’t have time to spend 6 hours in the gym each day. He doesn’t have that time because he’s too busy kissing women.

Yes, that’s right. Arie is the best kisser in the universe. It’s been scientifically proven. You have an MD and and RN writing this post. We know our science, you guys.

Don’t believe us? Well, watch the video of Arie in action. Go ahead and make sure the kids have a fresh video on the T.V. before you press play. You’re not going to want to be interrupted.

BEHOLD:

It’s okay. Watch it a second time. We’ll wait. You deserve it.

There’s one other thing we haven’t mentioned that really gets us going about Arie. He is smart. YES! Not just “intelligent for The Bachelor”, but actually intelligent. He won’t be hauling out the dreaded “Her and I had fun on the date” like so many Bachelors before him who weren’t good at thinking.

And for the final cherry on top, Arie is REALLY funny. His tweets about the show have made our Bachelor season complete. The fact that we are on the same page with respect to Tierra and her eyebrow, was not lost on us either.

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See what we mean? These are honestly just a few of the MANY hilarious tweets from him…we know this because we spend a fair amount of time stalking casually reading his Twitter feed like completely normal people.

So, get on it Mike Fleiss. We’ve done your casting work for you. You’re welcome. Please don’t even think about disappointing us. We are loyal fans. We are among the 12 people who even watched every episode of the Deanna season. Also, two words: Ben Flajnik.

YOU OWE US, FLEISS.

We’ll just be here working out our special name for Arie during his season until we get the good news from you. SmolderingArie!Don’tStopKissingArie!ArieYesOhYes!  We better go watch the video again to make sure we get it just right. 

 

 

Oh, Honey…No! (aka The 10 Dumbest Purchases Ever Found On Pinterest)

We absolutely love Pinterest.

We can drool over recipes we would burn if we ever tried them, dream of furniture our kids would destroy if we bought it, and covet outfits we wouldn’t know how to accessorize even if they were in our closets. But for those 10 minutes 2 hours a day when we are on Pinterest, anything seems possible!

Along the way we’ve also found things that make us laugh out loud–and not on purpose. These are things that are so bizarre, even we cannot get behind them–and we cherish weirdness. We even made a board solely dedicated to them: our Oh, Honey…No! Board.

So when we saw the Monday Listicles topic from Kerry this week, we knew just what to do.

Here are the 10 Dumbest Purchases We Found On Pinterest:

1.  The Glass River Landscape Feature

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If you aren’t fortunate enough to have a real moat on your property, this will add such beauty and majesty to your shrubbery! Who *doesn’t* need more glass shards in their yard, amiright? Don’t forget to stock up on bandages and make sure your tetanus shot is up to date prior to installation!

 

 

 

2. Toilet Shaped Mug

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Touted as “hilarious” on the website, we were thinking “repulsive” was the better descriptor. Perhaps drinking out of the toilet is best be left to dogs-especially when the water is brown. Someone needs a trip to the gastroenterologist! *shiver*

 

 

3. Voice Activated Shopping List Generator

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We all know how great voice activated technology works. It ranks slightly below a toddler randomly hitting your keyboard and just above the auto-correct feature on your iPhone. What could be less frustrating or more time saving than speaking into a box and having it generate your grocery list for you? We mean, besides writing what you need on a piece of paper.

 

4. Crafting With Cat Hair

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For less that $10, you too can learn how to craft unique items with your cat’s own hairballs! Why settle on creating things FOR your cat, when you can create things FROM your cat!! And to think, all this time I’ve been trying to *minimize* my cat’s production of hairballs. What was I thinking? Well, besides I am a normal person who dislikes handling hairballs.

 

5. Fleece Lined Tights

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What woman doesn’t crave a layer of lumpy fleece between her skin and her tights? How else would we know what our cellulite would look like if it went all the way down to our ankles? But if it’s so cold regular tights won’t provide enough warmth, what else can you possibly do? Oh…wear pants.

 

 

6. The Nest Chair

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Just picture it. You’ve had a totally exhausting day working and running errands. You’re really looking forward to getting home, kicking off your shoes, and sinking into a cozy chair for a little “me” time. Nothing says comfort like slabs of wood at odd angles digging into your back. You’re feeling relaxed just looking at the picture, aren’t you?!

 

 

7. Live Moss Bath Mat

feb6ec2cf242c5949a45266bd35cae7cThis moss bath mat supposedly thrives from the drops of water that fall off your body as you exit the shower. I don’t know about you, but when I see stuff that looks like that in my bathroom, I reach for the Tilex. Also, won’t I have to climb back in the tub again to wash the smelly dirt and moss from my feet?

 

8. Handcrafted Rope Bracelet In Red

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This lovely piece of jewelry will set you back $85. It will also make people rush to your side, apply direct pressure, and call 911…because we’ve got a bleeder on our hands!!

 

 

9. The Bosom Sleep Supporter

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I can’t tell you how many sleepless nights I’ve had because my giant breasts touch each other while I’m asleep. Oh, wait…yes I can. That number is zero. Do you know what *would* disturb my sleep? A giant piece of foam on my chest, that’s what.

 

 

10. The Pet Friendly Shower Curtain

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Who doesn’t want to re-enact scenes from John Travolta’s epic Movie of the Week, The Boy in the Plastic Bubble, every time they wash their dog? “This poor doggy! He just wants to live a normal life! But we can only touch him through the plastic. He cannot survive human contact!” *sob* I’m sure it is not at all disturbing to have a shower curtain with two empty gloves just hanging there when you aren’t bathing the dog.

 

So, come follow us over on Pinterest to join in the fun! If they keep making these dumb things, we’ll keep pinning them!!

What is the dumbest purchase you’ve ever been enticed to make? Have you seen any pins worthy of our Oh, Honey…No! Board? Let us know in the comments below!

 

MondayListicles

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Top 10 Reasons Our Purses Are Dragging Us Down

Anyone who has ever carried a purse bigger than a zippered change pouch knows that they just become dumping grounds for the most random items ever.

Find yourself in need of a nail file or a stick of gum? No worries! Just look for the nearest woman around you carrying a medium to large sized bag and wearing a look of weary exhaustion, and chances are she can hook you up with just about anything you want.

Back in the day before children took over our lives, we used to carry purses for fashion. You know, as a way to accessorize our fabulous outfits. They were certainly NOT seen as a way to carry as much stuff as possible while permanently damaging our shoulders.

Needless to say, this week’s Monday Listicles topic “Ten Things In Your Purse” from Ducky really called to us.

Between the two of us, we could probably open a store just with the items in our purses. Granted the store would have to be called “Crap You Don’t Need Or Want”, but it would be a store nonetheless!

Clown Car Purses

Hold on, because here are the completely random items we found in our purses:

                                                   

                                                    #1–A Girl’s Gotta Eat                                         Obviously, our culinary selections leave much to be desired. You can choose between a bag of Bugles from Ashley’s bag that you have not seen outside of a gas station since 1987 or a semi-flattened protein bar that has been at the bottom of Lisa’s purse for at least six months. Yum, take your pick!

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                                                  #2–Blogging Necessities                                               You never know when inspiration might strike for the world’s best post! Between the two of us, we are ready with Ashley’s notebook (given to her as a present from Lisa as a matter of fact!) and Lisa’s random assortment of pens and pencils.

Blog Necessities

 

                                                  #3–Disaster Preparedness                                                If you pay attention to the interwebs, you know the Mayans really got people thinking. Now there’s a new doomsday prediction each week. The good news is that, should disaster strike when you are with us, you’re good to go. With Ashley’s weather forecaster and Lisa’s metal LED flashlight (with strobe action!) we can tell you if you’re going to need to take a coat AND light your way to the underground bunker.

DisasterPreparedness

 

                                                #4–Gotta Keep ‘Em Covered:                                              If you spent your time around freckle-prone people with eczema who tend to fall down a lot (No, not drunks with bad skin– our children) you’d appreciate Ashley’s bandage box and Lisa’s tubes of lotion and sunscreen like we do.

Keep Em Covered

 

                                               #5–We Are Quirky, So Sue Us                                            We never go ANYWHERE without these two specific items. The balls of fabric you spy on the left are Ashley’s “movie socks”. They stay in her purse *at all times*…because you never know why you might spontaneously go to the cinema. She contends that she misses key plot points if she can’t concentrate due to toe hypothermia. Noted. The item on the right is a full-sized container of Wet Ones. Lisa is not fooled by hand gel. She knows that a crucial part of germ removal is the physical act of wiping them off your damn hands. If you are with her, these moist towelettes will be shoved in your general direction at regular intervals for your use. This is not optional. (And she will still make you wash with soap and water as soon as it’s available.)

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                                                          #6–Four Eyes                                                            Without her specs,  Ashley can seem aloof and standoff-ish because she can’t identify a single person she knows in Target from afar. On the other hand, Lisa’s readers keep her from randomly signing charge slips nowhere near the “sign here” line and ordering what everyone else does at lunch because she can’t read the menu.

Four Eyes

 

                                               #7–Strictly for Survival                                                      Ever try traveling for more than ten minutes with Abby? Let’s just say that for the sanity of everyone in the vehicle, Ashley having a DVD on hand is not only convenient, but necessary. Lisa doesn’t really drink water like she should. It’s especially unappealing if it’s lukewarm purse water. So clearly, having three bottles (one for herself and one for each child!) on hand that nobody is drinking makes perfect sense.

Strictly For Survival

 

                  #8–Items That Would Be Great If We *Actually* Used Them                         If it’s really Ashley’s dream to win the lottery, why doesn’t she bother to cash her winning tickets in when she has them? How does Lisa always forget she has a reusable shopping bag with her when checking out, given that she rummages past it in her purse at least 25 times a day?

We Need To Use These

                           

                             #9–Our Humble Approach To Personal Vanity                                 The last thing Ashley ever wants to be is the woman with something stuck in her teeth. Nothing says good personal hygiene like free-floating flossers roaming around the bottom of a purse. Because Lisa hasn’t left the house without dog hair on her somewhere since the summer of 2009, she needs a mini-lint roller on hand at all times.

Our Vanity Items

 

                                            #10–Our Weapons Of Choice                                                Of course we *only* use these items as they were intended, but let’s just say they *could* be lethal if you’re in a pinch and in need of self defense. Ashley’s pill splitter has the world’s tiniest razor blade hidden inside, so watch your step if you know what’s good for you! Lisa’s beloved foldable scissors could surely put the hurt on someone as long as you can unfold from their origami-like state in time!

Our Weapons of Choice

So now you know why we risk a rotator cuff injury whenever we leave the house. And just think– we only showed you ten items. We barely scratched the surface of what lurks beneath our shoulder straps!

What are the craziest things in your purse or backpack?

MondayListicles