Pinterest Nightmare #585: Ho Ho…NO!

We all have that one person in our lives. She manages to survive the springtime months. She limps her way through the summer as best she can. But she truly COMES ALIVE the day after Thanksgiving…

She’s your official Christmas Enthusiast friend!

Sure, many people enjoy the holiday season, but a certified Christmas Enthusiast takes it to an entirely different level. She’s the one who gleefully freehand sculpts sugar cookie dough into unique snowflake patterns (no two are alike!) and dusts them with gourmet Chilean confectioners’ sugar she ground herself with a mortar and pestle. She has limitless holiday energy which she uses to deck out her house in more greenery than a temperate coniferous forest.

Want to know the best yuletide music to purchase? Your Christmas Enthusiast friend will happily school you on the relative merits of the Michael Bublé Christmas album vs Josh Grobin’s Noël as soon as she returns from the unveiling of this year’s Dillard’s Christmas Collectible Bear at the mall.

While we usually give our Christmas Enthusiast another piece to add to her Thomas Kinkade Illuminated Holiday Village, this year she told us she really wanted to add to her collection of Santa Claus paraphernalia.

Say no more! We know where to go for ideas when we have a special shopping mission…Pinterest of course!

Pinterest Nightmare #585a: Santa Claus Toilet Cover and Rug Set

Santa Claus Toilet Seat Cover

as pinned from ebay.com

Aw! What a cute way to spruce up the half bathroom! From his hat to his suit, it’s like Santa has taken up residence right there in your powder room! And just imagine, when you have to use the facilities you just lift the commode lid and it’s like you are going right in Santa’s…GAH!! YIKES! Okay…well, maybe this is better for a regular chair. Sure! Just place the lid cover on the seat and arrange the other items around it. Adorable! When you need to rest you just sit yourself  down on Santa’s…OH NO!

 

 

Let’s all sing a round of Jingle Bells to rid us of these mental images. Maybe we ought to move away from decor items and see what else Pinterest has to offer. Perhaps we can find something practical…

 

Pinterest Nightmare #585b: Santa Claus Drinking Hat

Santa Drinking Hat

as pinned from baronbob.com

 

It’s much easier to be a jolly old elf when you’re sporting a double-fisted drinking hat!! The model really captured the despair of having spent 3 1/2 hours assembling the Barbie Dream House only to realize you are one plastic, pink connector shy of a functional elevator. In situations like that you’ll be glad you have a few brewskis on hand…er…on your head.

 

 

 

But what if your friend is more into figurines than bold fashion statements? Not to worry! Pinterest has something perfect for everyone!

 

Pinterest Nightmare #585c: Santa Claus Refreshment Dispensers

Santa Candy and Drink Dispenser

as pinned from candyaddict.com & stupid.com

Who doesn’t want to enjoy a delicious refreshment straight from the big guy, himself? All you need to decide is if you are in the mood for a #1 or a #2, and Santa will take care of the rest! YUM!

 

But that’s not all the Santa-rific items Pinterest has to offer. Feast your eyes on…

 

Pinterest Nightmare #585d: Santa Claus Mankini

Santa Mankini Swimsuit

as pinned from boomcostumes.ie

 

 

YES! Just when you thought meggings were revealing, Pinterest brings us the Santa-fied bikini equivalent for men–the mankini! The Nutcracker isn’t just a ballet anymore, kids!

 

 

 

 

Although this isn’t the kind of stocking stuffer that Santa is known for, he can totally pull it off. Let’s just hope he reserves this outfit for his polar bear plunges and not for photo ops with the kids at the mall. That would get him fast tracked on the naughty list!

Oh, Pinterest. No…just no!

 

 

Pinterest Nightmare #755: Sign Me Up!

As we were thinking about what we might put on the blog for today it dawned on us: We haven’t featured a Pinterest Nightmare in a long time.

As I thought about Pinterest, I realized I have been pinning a lot of great and useful things recently. There have been delicious recipes using less than 5 ingredients (only two of which must be special ordered!), essential articles on 52 ways to tie a scarf, and timely info on the use of gourds in my fall tablescapes.

OH, NO!!! Are there no longer beauties like the Uroclub to be found or even Meggings to keep us tossing and turning in our sleep? Is there not one questionable tattoo left to be photographed?

I was a little bit nervous heading over to my computer to check it out. What if Pinterest has gone totally legit? *sob*

As I typed my favorite search terms into the box at the top (“weird”, “crazy”, “horrible”, “stupid”), I held my breath a little bit and pressed the enter key.

Before my eyes was a deluge of hideous products and ridiculous photos. It felt like Christmas morning! (or maybe like I accidentally took a Percocet left over from my surgery instead of Allegra this morning.) It was an embarrassment of riches!

Oh, Pinterest! I should have known you’d never let me down!

Because it was hard to pick just *one* nightmare this week, we’ve decided to bring you some of the best signs (of the apocalypse) found on Pinterest!

HIT IT…

Pinterest Nightmare #755a: Signs That We Might Be Too Distracted

As pinned from collegehumor.com

You might think the presence of the pole itself would be enough warning that a pole was there. You might even think it’s obvious you do not want to hit the pole. Amateurs! WRONG! Distracted drivers desperately trying to find the latest Taylor Swift single on Spotify make this sign a total necessity!

 

As pinned from collegehumor.com

The doorway, knob, and hinges are really not enough clues that this door might open at some point, especially if you are walking around with your head hunched over a smart phone checking Instagram. Thanks for the heads-up, bro!

 

As pinned from collegehumor.com

I can’t decide.  Is this more for distracted walkers who don’t realize that hitting grass and barreling into shrubbery signifies the end of the sidewalk, or is someone at City Hall just a huge Shel Silverstein fan?

But not all signs are for the unobservant. Some signs lead me to believe someone, somewhere just got hit with a lawsuit…

Pinterest Nightmare #755b: Signs That Someone Recently Retained Legal Counsel

There’s no denying it. Modern society is litigious. Sometimes it’s best to make sure you’ve got your bases covered.

As pinned from collegehumor.com

I concede that most people instinctively open the box *before* eating their pizza (unless they are really lacking fiber in their diet). But until you’ve seen a scrum of hungry frat boys attack a stack of deep dish pies after finals, don’t discount the necessity of this warning.

 

As pinned from collegehumor.com

How many times do you think this happened before someone broke down, located a Sharpie and electrical tape, and hung this sign? This happened enough times to warrant a sign, people. Let’s all sit and think about that…actually…let’s not.

 

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As pinned from collegehumor.com

I know we have to be careful so we don’t expose ourselves to legal liability, but it’s signs like this that prove lawyers take the fun out of everything! They want to take a simple stroll down a lovely pier and turn it into an activity to be feared! It’s like we’re taking our lives into our own hands if we want to enjoy a walk out over the water. Drama queens!

Sometimes a sign is helpful and informative, it just could have used a little more thought (or proofreading) before actually going to print…

Pinterest Nighmare #755c: Signs That Should Have Been Run By Management 

As pinned from teamjimmyjoe.com

While I appreciate their attempt to give me plenty of time to shop, I hope the extra two days they are giving me are a Saturday and Sunday. I’m going to balk at doubling up on Mondays, and don’t even try to slip an extra Thursday in there. (Who wants to bet that they also have a sign that says “Open 26 Hours A Day”?)

 

As pinned from teamjimmyjoe.com

Oh, they were *this* close to giving us the perfect public safety campaign!

 

Everybody is not always welcome at every location. Sometimes you’ve got to put up a sign to make sure the wrong type doesn’t sneak in.

Pinterest Nightmare #755d: Signs To keep The Riff-Raff Out

As pinned from rainbeforerainbows.com

Someone really, REALLY hates Vespas, don’t they?

 

As pinned from uncoached.com

This door is for members and non members only! Don’t even think about trying to get in if you are not a member or a non member. We hate to be so exclusionary, but we have to keep our standards up.

 

As pinned from Huffingtonpost.com

This is why the seagull is known as the Clint Eastwood of birds. “Yeah, I’m on the sign. What are you going to do about it? Go ahead, punk, make my day.”

Oh, Pinterest. No…just no.  (Except for you, Mr. Seagull. Rock on with your bad self.)

 

Pinterest Nightmare #516: Trick Or Treat?

HalloweenThemeWeek

Welcome to Halloween week here at The Dose of Reality. We are bringing you the best (hopefully!) of our Halloween posts through the years here this week, so grab your candy corn and your best costume and enjoy! Here we go…

Lisa is really hoping that when the doorbell starts ringing tonight, she is less disappointed than she was last year. Let’s hope the trick-or-treaters in her neighborhood took a page from this post and turned to Pinterest for their costume ideas this year.

I don’t know about you all, but Halloween was weak sauce in my neighborhood this year.

Nobody brought it–surprisingly not even the 9 year old Glossner triplets who were the talk of the cul-de-sac last year when they got decked out in platform boots and went as the band KISS in full makeup (obviously minus Peter Criss…he gets no respect). Now *those* were costumes worthy of a full-sized Snickers.

This year’s trick-or-treaters were definitely more deserving of a box of raisins or the dreaded American Dental Association approved tooth brush. (That’s not what I handed out of course. I don’t need to be cleaning egg off my front stoop until Thanksgiving.) We had a few traditional witches and cats–and there were enough firemen, police officers, and doctors to start our own disaster response team–but it really felt like everyone was just phoning it in this year.

I don’t know. Maybe I’m just being too hard on my neighbors. Not everyone on my block has the knowledge, like I do, that the most classy and unique costume ideas are just a click away on Pinterest.

Pinterest Nightmare # 516a: Classic Characters

If you want to pick a costume that’s a sure thing, one glance at Pinterest will let you know that dressing as your favorite character is sure to amaze the neighborhood.

TT Jack & Cigs

as pinned from neatmethod.com

 

Are you not stunned by the littlest Marlboro Man? 

What child doesn’t dream of the day he gets to dress as a pack of smokes and take to the streets with his good buddy Jack Daniel’s?

The mom was holding the camera or you would have seen she was dressed as a bottle of Vicodin.

TT Madonna

as pinned from dogtober.com

 

 

The Material Girl…er…Dog!

Not just any poodle can pull off a Blond Ambition era Madonna, but if I know Fe Fe, she has the chops to master the extensive choreography.

 

 

 

 Pinterest Nightmare #516b: Masks

Nothing says “Halloween” like donning a mask and letting the rest of your costume just take care of itself. Here are two examples executed to Pinterest perfection! 

TT Koala Mask

as pinned from 24.media.tumblr.com

 

 

This is what happens when Build-A-Bear employees go bad.

 

 

 

 

TT Old Timey Halloween

as pinned from Kristin Grondahl

 

 

Proof that Halloween was absolutely terrifying in the old-timey days of the Oklahoma Dust Bowl … or this is the youngest gang of bank robbers in U.S. history.

 

 

 

 

Pinterest Nightmare #516c: Babies Hitting it Out of The Park

You don’t get a free pass just because you’re a baby. Wearing any old get up to the neighborhood stroller parade won’t win you any friends or admirers. If you want your infant to stand out in the crowd, Pinterest has a few ideas…

TT Baby Taco

as pinned from Adnilra Yim

 

I know it’s not politically correct to eat veal, but I wonder if it’s okay to enjoy Taco Bell’s newest Gordita Supreme if it’s made with free range babies. 

This baby will think twice the next time Aunt Edith says she will eat him up!

 

TT Baby Alien

as pinned from teamjimmyjoe.com

 

 

This baby figured out the secret to the perfect costume. On it’s own, the infant chicken costume is lame and unsurprising. BUT…add some blood, a sucking chest wound, and an alien escaping it’s unsuspecting host and BAM!  You have real Halloween magic the neighbors won’t soon forget.

It’s his look of surprise at his current circumstances that really sells it.

 

 

 

 

Pinterest Nightmare #516d: Celebrities Go For Glamour

Celebrities display a pronounced flair when it comes to their Halloween costumes. You can’t go wrong following their glamorous lead. As Pinterest shows, they really know to take advantage of the moment when all eyes are upon them.

TT Lady Gaga

as pinned from tomandlorenzo.com

Here is Lady Gaga resplendent in a whimsical costume that is a modern day interpretation of  a ghost or perhaps a victim of consumption. (True artists tend to leave it a bit ambiguous.) Either way, it’s ethereal and edgy, but with a hint of chic…oh wait…never mind. Turns out this is just Lady Gaga going to dinner on a random Tuesday night. Moving right along…

Pinterest Nightmare #516e: Let Pop Culture Be Your Guide

Some of the best Halloween costumes have their finger on the pulse of pop culture. Drawing your inspiration from the movies or television will be sure to make your outfit a bona fide hit as these Pinterest gems clearly illustrate.

TT Hanibal Lecter

as pinned from Mary Emily

 

 

Who isn’t instantly transported on a Silence of the Lambs-style trip down memory lane by the sight of this mini Hannibal Lecter?

Should we be disturbed at all by the fact that nobody else seems to be in a costume? Surely this isn’t just the newest Tiger Mom method of discipline, right?

 

 

 

TT Pug Wrecking Ball

as pinned from craftinomicon.blogspot.com

 

 

 

And to think, Pugsley thought he was getting the last laugh when he peed on the rug.

 

 

 

 

 

Oh, Pinterest. No…just no.

Pinterest Nightmare #129: Tron Inspired Watch

Now that Lucy and Emma have started middle school, they have both decided they *must* have a watch so that they are not late to their classes. We thought about just running over to Target and getting them something simple, but then we remembered this gem. Welcome to Middle School girls…where time is of the essence…good luck figuring out when you need to be in Social Studies!

We adore Pinterest. We really do.

Where else can you find a quick tutorial for making biscuits that look like bunnies, a photo of a hedgehog wearing a sombrero, and a flow chart that diagrams all the dance moves in the Thriller video… all in the space of 5 minutes?!

But sometimes, Pinterest, you leave us wondering what went wrong.

Those are the times you give us: Pinterest Nightmares.

Behold:

Pinterest Nightmare #129: The Tron Inspired Watch

Original pin from tokyoflash.com

Original pin from tokyoflash.com

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Okay, I’ve never seen the movie Tron. It may be a masterpiece that dynamically melds the worlds of science fiction, action, and drama.

It may be the best Jeff Bridges vehicle filmed in 1982. I don’t know.

But, I do know this: Everyone needs a Tron inspired watch.

Oh sure, scientists may have determined that glow in the dark material is hazardous to your health. Scientists are buzz kills. Maybe I don’t care if radiation causes a 3rd nipple to grow on my wrist. That’s my business.

And really, who needs to be bothered with pesky minute and hour hands on a watch? For crying out loud, are we in the Stone Age here? As long as I leave by semi-circle o’clock, I won’t be late for carpool!

Or you could just fasten on a watch you can actually tell time on so you are not late for your Comic Con Game of Thrones panel. It’s a tough call.

Oh, Pinterest. No…just no.