Who’s The Crazy One: Marianne Or Me?

I was sitting in my doctor’s waiting room Wednesday when it happened.

The Marianne Incident.

I was there for my yearly physical. I was feeling friendly and chipper despite being denied my morning coffee (stupid fasting cholesterol test!).

After I checked in at the front desk, I scanned the waiting room to decide where I would spend the next 5 to 45 minutes waiting to be called.

As with any waiting room or public sitting situation of any kind, it’s nice to always keep at least a one chair distance between you and the next person. More room is obviously great, but you’d like at least one empty chair as a buffer if at all possible. Who wants to skim arms with a total stranger if you don’t have to, amiright?

As I surveyed the situation, I saw two possible seating situations. There was a seat with TWO chairs between the next closest person. (YAY!) This looked good except that the next closest person was coughing vigorously. I just knew he was totally capable of hacking a pathogen straight into my lungs. Not optimal.

Thus, I chose the only other obvious seat…a chair on the end of a row separated from a normal looking lady by one chair. I plopped down.

To review the seating chart it was….ME….EMPTY CHAIR…MARIANNE. (I know her name was Marianne because later she went back to the catacombs of the examination area after the name “Marianne” was called)

The Seating Chart

Oh, except for one thing…the empty chair actually wasn’t totally empty. Marianne had her purse sitting in it right next to her.

After I took my Kindle out of my purse to settle in for a nice bit of reading, I zipped up my purse and also set in the empty chair right next to me.

The chair was wide enough so that our purses were not touching at all. In fact, there was a sizable gap between them. I wasn’t rummaging through my purse or touching it. I just sat it there next to Marianne’s purse in the empty chair and turned my attention to my Kindle.

Or at least that’s what I did until I had the feeling that someone was watching me. It turned out to be a disgruntled Marianne looking something like this…

angry-stare (1)

Marianne: WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING? THAT’S MY CHAIR!

Me: Me?

Marianne: YES, YOU!!! YOU PUT YOUR PURSE IN MY CHAIR!

Me: Oh…I just thought we’d share the purse chair.

I mean, isn’t that the purpose of a purse chair? It forms a comfortable distance between you and a stranger, and nobody has to balance her purse in her lap or put it on the floor. Everybody wins!

This was not Marianne’s philosophy. I know this because after she finished yelling, she dramatically snatched her purse out of the chair, shot straight out of her seat, and moved all the way across the waiting room to get as far away from me as possible.

All remaining eyes were on me. Without trying, I had repelled a grown woman across the room. She’d rather sit next to a guy would would almost certainly give her TB than spend one more minute next to me. Awkward.

I immediately did what any normal person would do. I whipped out my cell phone and began excitedly texting the entire story to Ashley!  Ashley’s verdict: Marianne was a nut.

But now I want your opinion. Who was the crazy one here, me or Marianne? Did I brazenly step over the line of normal societal behavior by putting my purse next to hers…or…was Marianne obviously overreacting in a way that suggests stability isn’t her strong suit?

 

 

I Almost Failed The Ultimate ’80’s Kids Trivia Quiz

It is no secret that when I am extremely busy and should be paying bills or doing laundry able to grab a few minutes to myself that I enjoy perusing what the good folks at Buzzfeed have found for me.

Imagine my delight when I stumbled upon this gem on Saturday:

The Ultimate ’80’s Kids Trivia Quiz

I immediately rushed over to take it, knowing of course that I would own this quiz.

FBChildhoodMemories

It turned out to be a bit longer than I was expecting (think more SAT length and less pop quiz in Algebra and you get the idea), but I didn’t care. I could do this all day long.

And then I saw my final score.

36/50.

If this were a class (and really, honestly, why isn’t it?!), I would have gotten a 72, which is most definitely a “D”.

I had planned to celebrate my perfect score with some New Coke and my 1,000th viewing of The Goonies, while playing MASH, but obviously I did not deserve such luxuries.

Instead, I found myself sitting alone in the dark, drinking some Tang and watching Small Wonder re-runs, while questioning all my life choices.

It seemed a small price to pay for letting down my entire generation.

I honestly don’t even know anymore.

We’re An American Band…or ARE We?

I’ve known for quite sometime that Ashley is not exactly your “go-to” person for music. She is, after all, a person who gleefully listens to Richard Marx and Michael Bolton on a daily basis. No, you’re not in a time warp. It’s still 2013.

While her love of 80’s music is legendary, I thought she still KNEW about other kinds of music. You know, in a common knowledge kind of way at least.

I found out I was wrong during a phone call last week….

Ashley: I just read this article and it had the funniest band names. You wouldn’t believe some of these are real!!

Me: Read them to me! I need a good laugh!

Ashley: Did you know there is a band called Porno for Pyros???

Me: Sure.That’s the band Perry Farrell formed after Jane’s Addiction broke up.

Ashley: Oh, well what about THIS one? It’s so stupid! The White Stripes!

Me: Yep. Jack White and his ex Meg. LOVE him. He dated Renee Zellweger. How can you not know him? He’s totally awesome.

Ashley: Hmmm…well there is no WAY you know this one, smarty pants! I think it may even be made up! Stone Temple Pilots!!! Hahahahahaha.

Me: Oh, dear.

See what I mean??!!

So when we saw this week’s Listicle idea “10 Real or Imagined Band Names” from Rachee, we were fully on board!

Below you will find 10 bands. Five of them are REAL. Five of them are FAKE.

See if you can identify which is which. I didn’t make this easy by giving you names like Radiohead or Fugees (two more bands Ashley has never heard of. Bless.) I wanted to make this challenging for people who have purchased music since 1988.

Can you tell which are fake

#1   The Banana Hammocks: This high octane rock band boasts nine of the baddest RAWK musicians to come out of Orange County, California this decade! Part of the LJG records family since 2010, their 2013 World Tour boasts 193 dates in 27 countries with the final show opening the MTV Europe VMA Awards!

#2   The Electric Jug Band:  Their fans, aka the Jugnation, describe their sound as “Americana mixed with rockabilly funk jam”. These eclectic musicians from Michigan have been known to hand out shakers and other hand percussion instruments to the audience so they can join in the fun.

#3   The Parade Flamingos:  These five friends from South Florida started playing in lead singer Jimmy Longo’s garage in 2003. Since then they’ve taken their Jazz fusion/psycho punk sound all across the country even playing a side stage at the Warped Tour in 2012.

#4   Tha Whooliganz:  This 1990s hip hop duo met as teenagers in Beverly Hills and gained recognition around the LA area eventually landing a record deal at Tommy Boy Records. Scott “Mad Skillz” Caan and Alan “Mudfoot” Maman eventually parted ways in the late 90s, but Maman has experienced music success  producing under the moniker The Alchemist

#5   Ring Around the Rosie:  This trio of sisters grew up in the tiny town of Apache, Oklahoma. Their folk sound was born when they began harmonizing together in their church’s children’s choir. Having toured with the Dixie Chicks and Shawn Colvin, they are booked at folk venues across the country this summer including the legendary Crossroads Music House.

#6   Gloat: This speed/thrash metal band from Norway claims Venom and Motorhead as early influences. Although performing under a variety of names in the early 2000s, they settled on Gloat in 2009 after hearing the song of the same name by Animals on Wheels.

#7   Bassnectar:  This California based DJ is well known in the dubstep genre for his light shows and live performances. One of his most successful tracks, entitled “Ping Pong”, actually begins with the sound of ping pong balls being hit across a table.

#8   The Crazy Katies:  Punk rock didn’t know what hit it when these Riot Grrrls got together in London, England in 2007. Since then, they’ve taken the world by storm and have performed in Europe, North America, and Japan. Their irrepressible energy and noisy, distorted sound  are their trademarks along with the shredded schoolgirl uniforms they wear during their performances.

#9  The Hen House Junkies:  Described by Country Line Magazine as “old-school country with a bluegrass soul ” they formed after meeting as studio musicians in Nashville, Tennessee. Between the five band members, they play twelve instruments all of which are on display in their album to be release this fall entitled “Granny Get Your Gun”

#10  Angry Beaver Band: Known as simply “ABB” to their most stalwart fans, these four average Joes got their name while driving through the town of Beaver on a fall Wisconsin afternoon. With Wingnut on vocals and Pablo on strings, their mellow hit “Dead End” from their Shack Session recordings promises to make 2013 their breakout year!

Could you spot the 5 real bands and the 5 fakers?

How'd you do

**CLICK HERE FOR THE ANSWERS**

So, how did it go?  Here’s a handy key to help you keep it in perspective. Just count how many bands you got right and see which category you fit in:

   0:  Clearly your name is Ashley.

1-3:  Time to realize that there is music outside of “Total Eclipse Of The Heart”.

4-6:  You wouldn’t totally embarrass yourself at group karaoke night.

7-9:  Watch out Rock-n-Roll Jeopardy, there is a new player in town!

 10:  You Googled, didn’t you?

MondayListicles

It’s Not Easy Being Cheesy

As many of you know, I had the Dreaded Stomach Bug 2013 on my birthday earlier this week. Sadly, my birthday festivities with Ashley had to be postponed.

But today I rallied! I took a shower, dried my hair, put on makeup, and dressed myself in non-pajamas for the first time in over a week. Whoo Hoo!!

As we drove away to lunch, I grabbed her iPod to search out some Barry Manilow as I sometimes do. Instead I found a playlist that nearly sent me into a tailspin.

Me: Hey, what kind of songs do you have in your “The Daily Dose” playlist?

Ashley: Oooh, those are songs I play at least once a day. They’re awesome!

Me: Great! I’ll play this list because…..OMG…what’s happening to my ears????

Ashley: What do you mean? You are being treated to some of the greatest songs ever written.

Me: Make it stop. It’s like torture.

Ashley: I think your ears must be stopped up from being sick or something. These are CLASSICS, Lisa.

Me: Classically cheesy maybe.

Ashley: Did the certified Fanilow just call my songs cheesy?

So I wondered…is it me? Has my musical taste suddenly vanished since turning a year older?

We’re going to let you guys decide. We’ve devised a challenge for you.

Below are 4 songs. THREE of these songs assaulted my ears from Ashley’s Daily Dose Playlist (Please let that sink in. She listens to three of these songs DAILY. That’s EVERY SINGLE DAY, people!) ONE of these songs does NOT actually appear on her iPod at all. (Much to her dismay, I might add.)

And there’s a lot riding on this.

If you all can correctly identify which one song Ashley DOES NOT currently own, I will buy it for her immediately.  If you get it wrong, Ashley will make a “Daily Dose” playlist on my iPod and download ALL FOUR SONGS to it.

Me: Now, wait a second. What kind of bet is this? I totally lose either way!

Ashley: No, you actually *win* either way. If our peeps get it right, you will buy me a fantastic song and I’ll play it all the time when we ride around. If our peeps get it wrong, I’m getting you four great songs to begin your own new Daily Dose Playlist. WIN.

Ugh. I think you’ll quickly see, there are no winners here:

 

Peter Cetera:  The Glory of Love

 

Richard Marx:  Should’ve Known Better

 

Michael Bolton:  How Can We Be Lovers

 

Bryan Adams:  (Everything I Do) I Do It For You

You feel me now, don’t you?

 

 

UPDATE! MYSTERY REVEALED: Oh guys,  I’m shattered. I was totally counting on you to get this one right to save me from the horror of Ashley’s hideous playlist on my iPod. But peeps…you failed me. *sob*  Ashley is loading up my iPod with her easy listening nightmares as I type this. If she tries to slip in some Air Supply I’m going to take to my bed. 

CLICK HERE to find out which of the above tunes Ashley didn’t have on her playlist.