Top 10 Funniest Ways People Have Found Our Blog

For those of you who are unfamiliar with blogging, you may not know that we get a great many readers from Google search terms. Every time someone types something into Google, they have a shot at finding us.

Sometimes these terms are obvious and don’t surprise us when we see them…for instance, when we see “The Dose of Reality blog” we figure they were looking for us. Others, though, can leave us scratching our heads and wondering just how that combination of words sent them here. And of course, many of them leave us laughing.

So, check out the top 10 funniest ways people have found our blog:

Woman Running In Pajamas: You know, we are women. And we love pajamas. Running, not so much. Although, if we are being completely honest here, we would be most likely to even consider running if we could do it in our pajamas, so maybe this search term will prove to be inspiring. Or make us millionaires when we invent the first line of pajama athletic wear.

Say Yes To Neil Diamond and No To Barry Manilow: The joy this search term brought us can be perfectly summed up with this Facebook status from Lisa.

ScreenShotSearchTerms

Is Anyone Else Tired Of Hearing Stay At Home Moms Complain:  We feel like this might have been a disappointing search result. Chances are that reader probably didn’t permanently bookmark our site, right?

Hoarding Coffee Creamer:  Oh, the happiness seeing this search term gave us! Because, you know what, everyone needs to hoard something, so why not coffee creamer? If loving coffee cream is wrong, Ashley doesn’t want to be right.Coffee Cream PinFunniest Things Ever Said: No pressure, though, right? I mean our hats are off to Google for even suggesting us for such a topic, except it kind of leaves us feeling a lot of pressure. Hope that reader didn’t come here on an off day!

Moron Mom Cindy:  This one left us feeling a little bitter and hostile, actually. I mean, hello, neither one of us are named Cindy.

Never Let Anyone Steal My Sparkle: Oh Tierra from The Bachelor, thank you for the gift that just keeps on giving. Without your life lessons, how would any of us have learned the value of waterproof mascara?

Inside A Messy Car: Clearly, this person did not leave disappointed. Chances are good, they actually left feeling a lot better about the state of their own vehicle. MessyCarWhen Is Dose Of Reality Going To Be In Theaters: A question we obviously ask ourselves daily, as well. The invitations to the Oscars don’t send themselves, you know. And thanks for the vote of confidence Google…we would be happy just to chat it up with Oprah, but an actual movie about us…WOW!

What’s The Name Of Those Parachute Looking 1980s Shirts With Shoulder Pads:  Actually, we would like to know, too. Truly, though, if there is any better way to lead a reader here than our love of 80’s fads and our inability to dress ourselves in fashion less than two decades in the past, we don’t know what it is. Google, you rock.

80sPin

So, tell us in the comments which search term is your favorite. Or if you really want to be bold on this Wednesday, share the craziest thing you have ever Googled!

 

 

We Are Coming Out Of The Closet

We are coming out of the closet today. And once you see the inside of our closets, you will know why!

Every woman on the planet knows what it is like to have clothes of varying sizes in her closet. You know the ones that you think to yourself, “One day, one day I will get back into those jeans.” And then there are the ones that you keep around for when you have had too much pie at Thanksgiving. We get it. We are no exception.

What we recently realized is that we have clothes in our closets that, no matter our current sizing, we would NEVER, EVER wear again. Actually, no one should be wearing them. Ever. Anywhere.

We were talking on the phone when we made the discovery. It didn’t take long for us to realize we were lucky we’d never been featured in the back of Glamour magazine with one of those Fashion Don’t black bars across our faces:

Ashley: I am going to get a couple things together to show you. But are you sure we want to expose our lack of fashion sense to the whole, entire world?

Lisa:Sure. Our readers already know we wear mostly yoga pants with clogs to carpool.

Ashley: I don’t know, but I’ll go get my camera.

Lisa: Me, too. Oh God, I think I’ve found at least one thing. Brace yourself, I am about to send you a picture of something.

Muppet Pelt Jacket

Ashley: Oh my. Wow. Is that… a jacket?

Lisa: Yes, it is a jacket. I used to wear it with jeans and a white blouse. Can you tell from the picture that it looks like it was made from Muppet fur?

Ashley: You wore that? In public?

Lisa: Yes, otherwise the Muppets would have died in vain.

Ashley: I’m not sure I can top that, but I think I found my first entry. I am going to send you a picture right now of a blazer (Does anyone even use that term anymore?). It is definitely a doozy.

Velvet Blazer

Lisa: Wait a minute, is that velvet?

Ashley: Indeed it is. And did you notice the fashionable double pocket?

Lisa: In what world does a hot pink, double pocketed, velvet blazer not beat a Muppet pelt jacket?

Ashley: Hey, at least the tag is still in it. I never actually wore it.

Lisa: Whatever you have to say to yourself to get you through the night….

great grandmother dress

Lisa: What about this dress? Do you think it’s awful enough?

Ashley: Um, yes. Yes, I do. Are those flowers on that thing? I definitely like the layered look of it best. Kind of a day to night deal, huh?

Lisa: I wore it to my brother-in-law’s wedding. The grandmother of the bride wouldn’t even have considered that if she saw it on the rack. What was I? 80?

Ashley: Maybe great grandmother of the bride….if she was also half blind.  It almost looks like the material could be a chair cover.

Lisa: Yeah, if you hated the chair.

Ashley: I had a few of those types of dresses, too. Let me see if I can find my favorite. And keep in mind, I wore this a lot. And not in like 1992, but more like 2002.

oatmeal dress

Lisa: Is that oatmeal colored?

Ashley: Try gold baby. And I had no business attempting to wear a long dress like that. I am short for God’s sake. I think I even wore it to a Broadway show once.

Lisa: It really looks more oatmeal-ish to me. I love oatmeal…but not to wear.

Lisa: Okay, brace yourself for the next picture. You might want to sit down. These pants I am showing you were *my* go-to dress-up for shows pants. I wore them every time we went somewhere and I wanted to look good. I LOVED these pants. And I think that photo makes them look short. I don’t think I’m that short!

go-to pants

Ashley: I think The Cosby Show called and wants their wardrobe back! Those are awesome. And you are totally that short. I wonder if they would go with this sweater?

sparkle sweater

Lisa: My eyes, my eyes! You should really warn a person before you try to blind them with colors and sparkles like that.

Ashley: Right? Isn’t it just atrocious? You know what I think is crazy here? All of our horrible items make us look three times our age. What is wrong with us?

Lisa: You mean like this shirt?  Back off Memaw, I saw it first!

Ashley: I’ve got one of those, too! Seriously, why would either of us ever even consider putting those on our bodies?

fugly shirts

Lisa: Let me show this little number. I hope the picture does it justice. It is now my turn to say that the tags are still in it (thank God).

brocade jacket

Ashley: Is that some gold lamé, I spy? Hahahahahaha!  See, isn’t it nice to be able to say the tags are still in it?

Lisa: Yes. I regret mocking you for saying that about your velvet blazer now.

Ashley: I have to say, this one might be the worst of all. It’s a mu mu. And I am totally embarrassed to admit that I wore this as recently as last summer. LAST SUMMER, LISA!!!

mini mu mu winner

Lisa: Oh, it’s like a mini mu mu, my friend…a mini mu mu!  I didn’t know those existed. You know what? It was really hot last summer. I think you get a pass for extreme heat.

Ashley: You are sweet to try to make me feel better. I know it’s horrible. Why did I ever wear this?

Lisa: Heat does things to our minds. And the kids are home from school. It’s a bad combination.

Ashley: I was just trying to stay cool…even if I didn’t look it!

So, it turns out it was easy to find 10 things in our closet that should never see the light of day again. Make us feel better…do you have an outfit or two that would get you arrested by the fashion police, too?

10 Best Recipes On Pinterest That Will Make You Mom Of The Year!

Here at The Dose of Reality, we are just a wee but obsessed with Pinterest.

Like, sometimes, we forget that we have children, husbands and homes that need to be cleaned because we are just over at our Pinterest page pinning like it is our job. By the way, wouldn’t that be the greatest job ever?

We find ourselves spending a lot of time pinning recipes based mostly on the delicious nature of the photo and often on the small number of ingredients required. Based on the number of recipes we currently have pinned, we could cook for half a year and never run out of choices. Imagine the delight of our families if instead of a pizza box on the kitchen counter, they found a homemade meal courtesy of mom.

Sadly, there is a reason that our recipe board on Pinterest is called Feed Me, Mom. This type of work is just not in our wheelhouse folks, and we really wish there was a way to change this about ourselves. All of these yummy recipes out there, and we keep finding ourselves at the nearest drive-thru. Maybe we should have put it on our 2014 goal sheet. Maybe.

In the meantime, when we saw the topic at Tuesday Ten from Rabia and Lisa we knew we had to link-up this week. Who does not love talking about food? Or thinking about food? Or reading about food? Or quite honestly eating food? We sure do.

So, without further ado, we present the 10 best recipes on Pinterest that we would make…you know, if we actually cooked stuff!

  1. Oreo Truffle Brownies– Quite frankly, they had us at Oreos. And truffles. And brownies. Imagine if you showed up with this little tasty treat at the next neighborhood potluck. People would probably cry.
  2. Brisket Tacos– The beauty of this meal is that it is made in the crock pot, so it isn’t even like you have to be slaving over a hot stove while your kids are driving you crazy at the end of the day. It totally takes regular tacos and makes them look gourmet. You would definitely win at dinner. 
  3. Jack O’Lantern Fruit Plate– Seriously adorable. And seemingly easy to assemble. We can totally see the looks of awe we would receive from the classroom teachers if we showed up with this for a class party. Plus, you totally get points for being the healthy, yet creative mom. We almost think we might try this one for real. Almost.
  4. Watermelon Pops– The picture alone makes it worth trying. There is no way our final product could ever resemble that, mostly because this recipe involves a lot of steps, so chances are good we would screw it up. But what if we didn’t? We would definitely be the most popular guests at the 4th of July family picnic that year. 
  5. Ham and Cheese Breakfast Bake– We all know that breakfast is the most important meal of the day and yet we consistently find ourselves living off of the half a Poptart the kids didn’t eat and then wondering why we are starving by 10:00 a.m. You know who would benefit the most from this recipe. We would. And Oprah would totally tell us that a well fed mom makes a happy mom.
  6. Parmesan Chicken Bake– It is cheese and chicken people. What is not to love about that combo? Nothing we say. Even our children would happily wolf this down, and our husbands would wonder if they came home to the wrong house. Everyone would go to bed happy if this were on the dinner menu. 
  7. Cookie Dough Bites– Y’all, it is bites of cookie dough. With chocolate drizzled on top. Excuse us while we devour the entire batch standing right at the kitchen counter. Because, yeah, these right here pretty much equal love. 
  8. Glazed Doughnut Muffins– Picture yourself at a kids’ sleepover when you serve these tasty treats up to the guests. Then picture yourself with five new kids in your family when said guests refuse to leave and request immediate adoption in your household. Don’t worry, you can just share the recipe with their own mothers as you send them out the door with a full belly and a smile! 
  9. Strawberry Cream Cheese Cobbler– This is probably actually pretty healthy if you think about it. Something tells us that when you found yourself serving up a big bowl for breakfast the next day, you totally wouldn’t even feel guilty. There *is* fruit in it, after all.
  10. Rainbow Sprinkle Cake– We wouldn’t be surprised if making this made us Mom of the Year. Obviously, our children would love us forever and never again complain about anything, right? Martha Stewart would probably show up at our houses and ask us to be on the cover of her magazine. 

Great, now we are hungry.

For anyone reading this who actually cooks, let us know if you attempt any of these recipes.

And, feel free to send us the leftovers.

Sharing is caring, after all.

The Golden Spoons

Top 10 Ways You Know You Are Definitely In New York City!

We’re back from our holiday break and ready to take on 2014! Whoo Hoo!!

Did you have a good time? Did you get snow?

One very lucky Dose Girl spent part of her holiday break taking a bite out of the Big Apple with her family. Because New York is one of Ashley’s favorite places on the planet, she spent most of Lisa’s trip there demanding text messages with updates on everything they were doing!

Needless to say, when we saw that the Monday Listicle topic for today was “10 Things New”, we knew we had to put a special New York twist on it! After all, as Lucy pointed out it is “the city so nice, they named it twice”.

So, without further ado, let us present you with our list:

Top 10 Ways You Know You Are Definitely In New York City

1. Celebrity Sightings:  New York is home to many famous people. Spotting one out and about in their natural habitat is just part of the NY experience! You have to be quick, though, because the place is really crowded and if you blink you just might miss your chance! Lisa kept her eyes peeled at every opportunity, but it wasn’t until the last day of her trip that it finally paid off…

Where in the World is Matt Lauer

2. Times Square: Whether illuminating the naked Cowboy or the “completely authentic” Rolex watch stands on every corner, this part of Midtown Manhattan shines as brightly as the sun even at midnight! There’s a reason people all over the world watch the ball drop right here to ring in the New Year! (Spoiler alert- it’s because half the world is already packed into the space there!)

3. Broadway Show: Speaking of Times Square, nothing says New York City quite like the experience of a Broadway Show. Sitting in the plush velvet seat holding a playbill waiting for the lights to go down is an experience everyone should have at least…Once…

Once Playbill

See this show if you ever have the chance!

4. Eating: From the hot dog carts to restaurant row, there is no shortage of gastric delights in the Big Apple. Does anyone really bother counting WW points while dining their way down 8th Avenue? Forgetta-bout-it! Sure, the tables are often so close together that you can reach out and sample your neighboring table’s cheesecake, but those points don’t count, right?

5. Central Park: What better way to burn off all the calories than a stroll through Central Park? Fine, probably a run through Central Park would be better, but then you might miss the sights.

Central Park from The Top of Rockefeller Plaza

6. Wall Street: Take a tour of the New York Stock Exchange and see how the magic happens in the money world. It is like your own personal ticker tape parade. Whatever you do, though, don’t reach down and grab one of the paper slips off the floor. Apparently, that is frowned upon. Just trust us on this one!

7. Statue of Liberty: The iconic image of Lady Liberty welcoming everyone to America brought a tear to Lisa’s eye as she flew into La Guardia. It also made Lucy throw open her window shade and squeal with delight. (Note: Air Marshals tend to jump into action when they hear screaming, so try to keep down, mmkay)

8. Trump Tower: The gold letters scream 5th Avenue and wealth. And if you are lucky enough to be in front of it while “The Donald” is exiting, he may just scream at you himself (with no Air Marshal interference, of course).

9. Taxis: The big yellow cabs are everywhere. You can see them, and you can most definitely hear them. In any other city honking would be considered rude, but in New York it is just how you announce your presence in the flow of traffic. There is nothing better than hopping in a cab when you are exhausted. You don’t even have to feel guilty! Watching the meter tick up…up…up while you’re stuck in rush hour traffic makes your heart race enough to count as your cardio for the day!

10. Empire State Building: You’ve got to go to the very top and take in the view from the 102nd floor at 1250 feet. Even if you have to stand in line for forty thousand hours to do it, you won’t regret it for a minute! But don’t try to drop a penny off the top or they will politely escort you to the exit. (or so we’ve heard)

The Empire State Building

Yep. New York City fills all ten slots for The Dose Girls favorite “Ten Things New” without a doubt. We’re already trying to figure out a way to get there together for a girls’ trip that doesn’t involve trying to check Ashley in a suitcase to save on airfare. We’ll keep you posted.