Would You Rather: Talk Santa Or S-E-X?

Warning right off the top: This post is not safe to read with little eyes around! And probably will trigger your work SPAM filters, despite the fact that I swear never to actually type out the word S-E-X. Phew. I feel better now. I don’t need emails later about how I ruined your child’s Christmas or how you now have to attend your company’s “safe internet use” policy and procedure seminar.

It seems you have been using the company computer to read about S-E-X. And I still need those TPS reports, so yeah, I’m going to need you to come in on Saturday.

It has been a while since we presented you with one of our head-scratching Would You Rather scenarios, but we have a doozy today.

It all started with a conversation way back in the fall of 2013. I had thought about making it a Would You Rather then, but those levels of Candy Crush weren’t going to play themselves time got away from me. You get it, I am sure.

It is no secret that I do not think well on my feet, especially when it comes to the tough questions in motherhood. Questions like, “How exactly does the baby get into your tummy?” and “Why does my toy from Santa have a Target sticker on it?”

Look kids, squirrel!

But the tough conversations are coming. And we have to be prepared for them. And by we, I mean Lisa. See, I decided that she is better equipped to handle these situations. She has no qualms about talking about S-E-X (even using correct terminology and everything!), whereas I would prefer to shower with my clothes on. So the mere idea of “going there” with my children tends to leave me rocking in the corner and crying feeling a bit unsettled.

I told her that I would trade her. If she would spill the beans on the whole birds and the bees situation, then I would take the Santa conversation for her.

Total bestie win-win, am I right?

We decided to bring the question to our Dose Peeps and see which option you would prefer.

So here is the scenario: You have to tell your best friend’s child the real truth about the big guy in the red suit OR you have to give the nitty gritty details on just exactly what happens when a mommy and a daddy really love each other.

In both scenarios, the child is of an appropriate age to find out, so it is not like you are having to spill the beans to a 4 year-old or anything. But nevertheless, you will forever be known as the one who gave up the goods on what could probably be declared the two most uncomfortable childhood conversations.

No, you may not. Now get busy answering this question! No pressure or anything.

Would you rather talk Santa or S-E-X? Remember, you have to pick a side. My jeans already don’t fit from the last time I had to eat my feelings.

Would You Rather: Clean Sheets Or Dirty Sheets?

I know that this title is probably somewhat misleading and might have instantly made everyone go, “Duh. Clean sheets. How can this even be a real question? Ashley clearly needs to get some more sleep before attempting to blog!”

Which, yes, I do, actually. Now that we are back into full-blown early alarm clock, school morning mode I do find myself a bit more tired than usual. Couple that with the fact that I discovered last week that I had been drinking DECAF coffee unwittingly for three straight days, and I think you can deduce that my brain is mush.

However, fortunately for all of you this would you rather scenario was crafted over the summer thanks to a conversation with my stepmother.

Her grandson is headed off to college, and we were discussing his dorm room bedding. She said that she bought him five sets of sheets, in the hopes that he will actually change them every few days.

This got me thinking. Was I supposed to be changing *my* sheets every few days, too?

So, of course, I reached out to Lisa to see what she thought. A little known fact about Lisa, by the way. She uses a different clean towel EVERY.SINGLE.DAY. Apparently, this dates back to an unfortunate water roach, early morning, no contacts in yet incident from Aught 92. She didn’t want to explain any further lest she relive the horror all over again.

Knowing her towel issue, I figured she would be a frequent sheet changer and thus would leave me feeling even worse about my newly discovered slovenly ways. She assured me though, that sheets were a different matter than towels, and she is a once a week or sometimes even every other week sheet changer.

Okay.

I feel like I am definitely more in the every other week to three category, but I can live with that.

It got me thinking, though.

What if I had to change my sheets every single day? As in, strip the bed, wash and dry the sheets and then re-make the bed with the same set of sheets every day for three straight months.

OR

What if I had to sleep on the same set of sheets for three straight months? As in, no matter what has happened, I am sleeping on dirty sheets for 90 days.

WYRSheets

Pretty sure you all know my answer on this conundrum!

Naturally, I am now asking the Dose Peeps to weigh in on this tricky Would You Rather scenario. Would you rather have to change your sheets every single day (and then re-make your bed with that same set of sheets once they had been washed and dried) for three months or sleep on the same sheets without ever washing them for three months?

 

 

Would You Rather: SkyRest Travel Pillow Or Veasyble Privacy Shell?

As I wound my way (fine schlepped is a better word) through two different airports, I had a lot of time to people watch. And boy howdy is an airport an excellent place to observe humanity! You really see people in a whole new light when you watch them navigate the security line.

Speaking of traveling, today’s Would You Rather question is travel-themed.

Now usually when we pick awkward situations for you to consider we make your hubby do them, but that is not the case today.

This is you, all you. So choose wisely.

You are traveling. Alone or with your family. Whatever you want. You must take one of these two items with you and use them while you are on your trip.

The Skyrest Travel Pillow

OR

The Veasyble Privacy Shell

It is a tough one, right? I mean, obviously your instinct is to choose both, amiright?

Let’s break it down to make your choice easier.

We’ll start with the travel pillow.

SkyRest Travel Pillow Pin

Pros

  • Folds up nicely into your carry-on bag
  • Allows you to finally get some shut-eye on that early morning flight
  • Could possibly score you some extra space when your seatmate decides to move

 

Cons

  • Blowing it up is time-consuming
  • Difficult to bring your tray table to the full and upright position for landing
  • The giant drool mark on the pillow will be pretty noticeable until deflation occurs

 

Now we move on to the privacy shell.

Veasyble Privacy Shell Pin

Pros

  • It can totally serve as your carry-on, what with all those handy little slots for your stuff
  • Because it is over your shoulder, your hands are free to hold your plane snacks
  • If the TSA agent is bothering you, just slip it over your head and go to your happy place

 

Cons

  • You may be forced to buy an extra seat to maintain your in-flight zen
  • Actually walking through the airport could be more difficult what with your limited vision
  • Going to your happy place may not be enough when TSA escorts you to the special full body cavity search area of the airport

 

Not as easy as you thought, huh? Both are so appealing in their own ways. But we all know the rules by now. A choice must be made. Don’t suddenly pretend you are Amish and only travel by horse and buggy (and let’s be honest, you could totally use these items for that method of transport as well). Tell us in the comments whether you would rather use the SkyRest travel pillow or the Veasyble privacy shell.

We know. Life is hard sometimes. And so are these Would You Rather questions.

 

 

 

 

 

Would You Rather: Wedding Food Poisoning Or Honeymoon Food Poisoning?

Two big marriage milestones for the Dose Girls this year. Lisa and her hubby celebrated the big 20 years in April, and my hubby and I recently celebrated 15 years of wedded bliss. Thinking about our anniversaries got us both talking about our weddings, receptions and honeymoons.

Honestly, way back when we both got married and each had an amazing honeymoon, we imagined that we would travel like that all the time. Little did we both know that our respective honeymoons would be the last big vacation we had for well, ever. Thank God we enjoyed it, right?!

So when thinking about this scenario as a possible Would You Rather, we could not help but think of it from the perspective of two people who last traveled alone with their hubbies decades ago. Meaning we were selfish in our answers and allowed everyone else to suffer. Sorry. Not sorry.

Imagine this…

Your wedding reception. Full of everyone you love in the world wishing for your absolute happiness. You and your new spouse are so busy rushing around greeting everyone that you never even get a chance to sample the delicious menu you agonized over for months while planning your big day.

You leave the reception to begin your honeymoon, feeling nothing but bliss and the satisfaction of knowing that everyone who came to celebrate with you had the time of their lives.

I mean, until about 6 hours after they left at which point they all began what would turn out to be at least 72 hours of pure misery. The shellfish sounded like such a good idea at the time, amIright?

You and your mate discover after you return from your magical honeymoon that every single guest at your wedding got food poisoning. Yep. Every single one. You two were spared, thankfully, because you never got to eat. But all the people who came to wish you a lifetime of happiness spent days praying to the porcelain God.

OR

Wedding and reception went off without a hitch. Everyone in attendance agreed it was the best event they had ever been to. And you knew they were not just saying that. You could really tell it was amazing. All the planning, effort, money, time, etc. had been worth it, and you and your mate head off on your honeymoon feeling on top of the world!

You arrive at your dream honeymoon location. It is everything you imagined. Rose petals on the bed, chocolate covered strawberries waiting for you, and plush, hotel robes that you can lounge in for hours.

Dinner that first night is amazing. You both eat until you can barely walk back to your room. So much good food. Skipping all that food at your reception doesn’t seem so bad anymore, since it freed up your stomachs for all the honeymoon food.

Cut to about 4:00 a.m. when it turns out that the amazing dinner was not so amazing after all.

You and your new mate then spend the next 72 hours wishing you had skipped the shrimp. And every other part of the meal, for that matter.

What a way to spend your honeymoon, huh? Your life together can only go up from here, right?

So, would you rather have every one of your guests get food poisoning at your wedding (but you and your spouse are totally fine) or have you and your spouse get food poisoning on your honeymoon (but everyone who attended your wedding is totally fine)?

Oh, we are you guys. And stop calling me Shirley.

Be honest and tell us your answer in the comments. And by the way, don’t try the whole “well, this would never happen to me because I would never serve shellfish or I don’t eat shrimp”. Whatever you did serve or whatever you did eat is what made all your guests or you and your spouse sick. The end.