It Would Be A “Major Crime” To Miss This Show


We have been asked by TNT to watch one of their new Monday night summer crime shows and review it for all of you.

We know.

Can you even stand it?

We LIVE for television. And Ashley actually considers herself a closet wannabe private detective (she has mad internet sleuthing skills), so finding out that show was a police drama was like the icing on the cake. The best thing about finding a new show for the summer is that you know you will not be stuck with re-runs or be faced with having to store up some of your favorite series on TiVo so you don’t waste away the summer pining for your regular shows. Instead, you can spend your summer watching TNT and counting the days until school starts again!

We were sent a copy of the series Major Crimes. In Hollywood speak, that is called a screener, which means that you get to see it before the general public. Totally right up our alley, obviously.

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Major Crimes is entering its second season on TNT and is a spin-off series of The Closer. The series starts on June 10th 9/8c and stars Mary McDonnell (of Dances With Wolves fame) as no nonsense police captain Sharon Raydor in the Major Crimes division of the LAPD. As an added bonus, it also features G.W. Bailey, continuing in his role of Lt. Provenza from The Closer. We *love* him.

Without being those people who have to slap “spoiler alert” warning labels all over their blog, we will just tell you that the opening episode of season 2 really packs a punch.

The show begins in the backyard pool area of a giant Bel-Air/Hollywood mansion. It has the kind of pool furniture that is nicer than anything in our actual homes.

Within just a few minutes of the start of the show (see, we aren’t giving anything away!), a dead woman’s body is pulled from the bottom of the pool, and it is quickly revealed that she is the wife of a hot-shot Hollywood director. Mixed in with this storyline is the addition of a new deputy district attorney, who immediately clashes with Captain Raydor in a case involving a serial killer. It is apparent this serial killer storyline is going to be ongoing this season. We can’t wait to watch it unfold over future episodes. You won’t want to miss the intrigue either!

Needless to say, we are hooked and already have our recording devices set for a season pass of Major Crimes. Not only is the acting fantastic, but we get to play the part of armchair detectives right from the comfort of our homes. No business suits and high heels for us. Just our cozy jammies and our whodunit skills at work!

Do you find yourself looking for new shows to watch over the summer, too? Any other TNT favorites to share with us? Want to win a $100 VISA gift card?

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Home Alone 5: The Blogger Edition

This week is Spring Break for us. Lisa has decided to abandon me take a much deserved vacation with her family. Instead of sitting around feeling insanely jealous bitter hostile unhappy about being left behind to entertain my children all week at home alone (meaning without my bestie to call me daily and entertain me), I decided to look at it as an opportunity to let loose.

Did Tom Cruise cry into his pillow and text his parents that he missed them every two seconds when they went away for the weekend? I don’t think so. He did what any rational person would do (he used to be rational you know) and stripped down to his undies while rocking it out.

Since I strongly oppose my own public nakedness, I won’t take it that far, but I will push the envelope so to speak.

It’s like when your hubby is out of town and you are all, “Third bowl of Lucky Charms and a three hour Keeping Up With the Kardashians marathon, don’t mind if I do.” Sure you pay for it a bit the next morning when the kids wake you up at dawn, but oh it is worth it for those glorious hours of gluttony and brain wasting!

So this week, I might go a little crazy around here.

Lisa insists less is more, so she puts a 2 time a day limit on my celebrity tweeting. But this week is all me, all the time! If I want to tweet Arie our Bachelor post 50 times a day, who is going to stop me? P.S. Y’all should really tweet it to him, too, m’kay! Tell him we sent you!

Lisa’s always trying to reign in my complete obsession absolutely normal feelings for Ben Affleck! (He was totally robbed of the Oscar nomination for Best Director, y ‘all). Imagine her surprise when I take all the pennies big bucks we have made from blogging and buy a billboard on Hollywood Blvd. telling him that I was his first fan all the way back to Chasing Amy. Bet that’ll show her.

Sneaking over to Lisa’s house and using her hide-a-key to film a vlog where we go through her closet? Just say the word, and I will do it.

She tells me all the time that driving by Angie Harmon’s neighborhood (Angie totally lives in Charlotte, and could easily become my friend!) more than once a week is probably frowned upon. Well, this week is *my* Spring Break, too, Lisa, so maybe I will make it THREE times A DAY. There’s nobody here to say, “Blah, blah, blah restraining order” now!

I could even “accidentally” publish some of my favorite emails from Lisa that she sends to entertain me. Hey, that could be a whole post in and of itself. Looks like we have Thursday taken care of!

Finally, there has been something I have been dying to say on the blog for a while now. Sure, it might lose us some readers, but you know what…I don’t even care! Brace yourselves:

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(Whoa!!! Hello there, gentle readers! Thank goodness this hotel has WiFi! I thought it was best to redact that last paragraph. Ashley really didn’t mean it. She truly loves everyone. She’s just feeling a little tired and lonely. Don’t worry, I’ll be home on Friday. Until then, just write something soothing in the comments, okay? -Lisa)

And you know what? Since I finally got that off my chest, this image underscores my feelings perfectly. You’re welcome readers!

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(Yikes!! That other picture was deeply unfortunate. Please enjoy this adorable winky kitty from our “Squee” Pinterest Board instead. -Lisa)

 

 

 

So watch out world. Ashley is all alone with the keys to the blog and if you thought what I just said was over the top, just you wait. There is plenty more where that came from!

 

 

Hollywood, You Totally Owe Me This…

My sister has been visiting and since I have not seen her in real life in almost a year, we have had a lot to catch up on. Some really, really important stuff, y’all. After all, when this much time has passed between actual visits, you can’t sit around talking about nonsense like nail polish colors and Thanksgiving shopping lists. You have to dive in and get straight to the heart of what is truly on your mind.

In our case, that pretty much means we are talking Hollywood. And watching a ridiculous amount of TiVo. Hey, all eight episodes of Homeland don’t watch themselves in just 24 hours, you know.

We covered everything from how amazing Argo was (if you have not seen it, run straight to the nearest cinema!) to the shocking split of Danny DeVito and Rhea Perlman (seriously, if there was EVER a Hollywood couple destined to be together forever, wasn’t it them??!!). Somehow we segued into what it would be like to be famous. And by somehow, I mean I totally steered the conversation that way by talking about Ryan Gosling being the greatest ever and how it is completely on my 2013 goal sheet for him to save my life.

My sister feels like her success as a famous person would be limited. She described how annoyed she would be if she just wanted to say, run into the grocery store for a can of cream of chicken soup, a can of green beans and some fat-free pudding cups (I could write an entire post just on her weird eating habits alone…which we all know would actually make her PERFECT for Hollywood!), and five people stopped her to say how much they loved her. By person five, she said she would become less effusive and much more brush-off. Bad news if person five turned out to have a blog, huh? ;)

I, on the other hand, feel that I would make an awesome famous person. I feel like I would be incredibly gracious and nice and fun, because I know exactly what it is like to love an actor/actress so much that you actually feel like you know them. Like you just totally *know* you were supposed to be real-life BFFs.

Then my sister felt the need to remind me that I don’t really actually like compliments and in fact, have been known to have a difficult time accepting them. She tried to tell me that my current method of deflecting praise could in fact be seen as rude to a potential fan. And obviously, if I was famous, I would never want to come across as anything but fantastic. Let’s just say I once had an encounter with a very famous actress who I used to think I loved and then her behavior really turned me off. Think less “Pretty” and more “Steely” in demeanor and attitude.

So, you know how when you are trying to get over a phobia, the best way to go about it is to immerse yourself fully in the experience. Like, if you are afraid of snakes, then you go spend the weekend at a snake farm draped in more snakes than Cleopatra and voilà at the end of the weekend, you are either cured of your snake phobia or dead.

Obviously, the real answer for me is to become famous. You know, like maybe on a reality show of some kind where they take an average, suburban mom blogger me and instantly transform her me into a world famous celebrity. Does she crack under the pressure of trying to take the kids to dance while surrounded by paparazzi and adoring fans? Can she hold up on the red carpet at an awards show? When Ellen invites her on to talk about her latest project, does she go all fan girl or keep her cool under pressure and act like this is just a random Tuesday in her life? Who is not watching this potential train wreck smash hit on NBC/CBS/ABC/OWN?!

I could be given my own personal celebrity handler to coach me through the ropes of fame…it would have to be someone like Tori Spelling who could relate to my desire to be a real mom while balancing all the attention that comes from celebrity. We could have all the shots of us chatting like girlfriends, while I cry about how much harder it is than I ever imagined it would be all those years poring over People Magazine in the pedicure chair grocery store check-out line. How I will never again judge a celebrity for being seemingly rude to a fan, because who knows, maybe they themselves are just having a rough day.

My celebrity handler could totally coach me on posing for photos that make me look skinny, even without the support of SPANX and all about how no matter how dark the restaurant is, it is certainly better to eat in my sunglasses. Who really cares about seeing your food, when we all know I would only be eating the equivalent of a lettuce leaf and a couple ice cubes. Thank God The Beverly Hills Hotel (where I will no doubt be staying) has amazing room service, since we all know this girl cannot live on salad alone!

The season finale could be a sit-down interview with Oprah and the un-”Pretty” actress from my past. I would find out that the night she was so rude to me was one where her little daughter Mabel Moonwish (this is not her daughter’s real name, although in Hollywood it totally could be!) was really sick with a fever. It turns out even the most famous celebrities can’t be “on” all the time. Oh boy, would I feel like I learned something then, right? Wouldn’t the whole audience, really?

I am so glad I got to stand next to Tom and not “her”!

And obviously, at the end of it all, I would become completely able to accept praise in a kind and gracious manner. I could do the final “talking head” (Lisa totally taught me this term while watching The Bachelorette) about how now I was ready to teach my daughters all about compliments because I would lead by example from my own experience starring on “So You Think Are Famous and Can Hang With the Stars Because You Have the X-Factor?”.

The name of the show is just a rough idea. Allison Grodner, I am totally open to changing that, of course.

But really, Hollywood, after all the years I have spent supporting you, isn’t it time *you* gave back to me?

 

 

Top 10 Firsts…Just the Way We Remember Them

Do you remember your first time? Wasn’t it exciting, yet scary? Was it everything you thought it would be?

Wait, what do you think we’re talking about? Ugh…get your mind out of the gutters, people. What are you, twelve years old? You should be ashamed of yourselves!!

We *are* talking about first times. But we’re not talking about THAT first time (that was 25 seconds not worth mentioning again)…we’re talking about our OTHER firsts…

First Concert

1.  ”Weird Al” Yankovic (Lisa) –I know that it seems impossible someone with such fine musical taste begged to see Weird Al in concert, but it’s true! Oh, don’t make that face. You KNOW you liked him, too!!

2.  Eddie Rabbit (Ashley)– In the round, no less! He was totally singing “I Love a Rainy Night” straight to me!! I know it!

First Occupation You Ever Wanted to Have

3.  Solid Gold Dancer (Lisa)– Was there EVER anything more glamorous or womanly (not to mention flexible) than a Solid Gold Dancer? No, I didn’t think so either. The hair, the gold lamé leotards, the poses at the end of the songs… I wanted it all.

4.  The Price Is Right Stagehand (Ashley)– You know they totally got to play all the games. Given that I even built my own Plinko board in the garage out of plywood, I was perfect for the job. Quite frankly, I still am!

First You Tube Video That Made Parenting Seem Fun

5.  Charlie Bit My Finger (Lisa)– The first time I saw this I emailed it to everyone…and attempted to talk in a British accent all day.

6.  David After The Dentist (Ashley)– I feel like it’s really the greatest example of parenting to ever hit the internet.

First Music Video You Waited Up All Night To Watch

7.  Tears For Fears’ Shout (Lisa)– I cannot tell you how much I *loved* this video. I saw this recently watching old “I Love the 80s” episodes on YouTube, and I still remember every single word they sang so earnestly.

8.  Michael Jackson’s Thriller (Ashley)– Despite the fact that I am pretty sure it probably gave me nightmares, I could not get enough of this video. It’s a shame I’d never dance in public, because in my head I *kill* this choreography!

First ‘Just Say No’ PSA We Saw After School 

9.  I Learned It From Watching YOU (Lisa)– This was a classic. I was so upset neither of my parents did drugs, because I yearned to yell this at them like the boy.

10. This Is Your Brain…ON DRUGS (Ashley)– Not only was this a sobering thought, it also started my quest to crack an egg without breaking the yolk.

So there you have it. These are a few of our favorite “firsts”. Thank you Monday Listicles for the trip down memory lane!