This week is Spring Break for us. Lisa has decided to
abandon me take a much deserved vacation with her family. Instead of sitting around feeling insanely jealous bitter hostile unhappy about being left behind to entertain my children all week at home alone (meaning without my bestie to call me daily and entertain me), I decided to look at it as an opportunity to let loose.
Did Tom Cruise cry into his pillow and text his parents that he missed them every two seconds when they went away for the weekend? I don’t think so. He did what any rational person would do (he used to be rational you know) and stripped down to his undies while rocking it out.
Since I strongly oppose my own public nakedness, I won’t take it that far, but I will push the envelope so to speak.
It’s like when your hubby is out of town and you are all, “Third bowl of Lucky Charms and a three hour Keeping Up With the Kardashians marathon, don’t mind if I do.” Sure you pay for it a bit the next morning when the kids wake you up at dawn, but oh it is worth it for those glorious hours of gluttony and brain wasting!
So this week, I might go a little crazy around here.
Lisa insists less is more, so she puts a 2 time a day limit on my celebrity tweeting. But this week is all me, all the time! If I want to tweet Arie our Bachelor post 50 times a day, who is going to stop me? P.S. Y’all should really tweet it to him, too, m’kay! Tell him we sent you!
Lisa’s always trying to reign in my
complete obsession absolutely normal feelings for Ben Affleck! (He was totally robbed of the Oscar nomination for Best Director, y ‘all). Imagine her surprise when I take all the pennies big bucks we have made from blogging and buy a billboard on Hollywood Blvd. telling him that I was his first fan all the way back to Chasing Amy. Bet that’ll show her.
Sneaking over to Lisa’s house and using her hide-a-key to film a vlog where we go through her closet? Just say the word, and I will do it.
She tells me all the time that driving by Angie Harmon’s neighborhood (Angie totally lives in Charlotte, and could easily become my friend!) more than once a week is probably frowned upon. Well, this week is *my* Spring Break, too, Lisa, so maybe I will make it THREE times A DAY. There’s nobody here to say, “Blah, blah, blah restraining order” now!
I could even “accidentally” publish some of my favorite emails from Lisa that she sends to entertain me. Hey, that could be a whole post in and of itself. Looks like we have Thursday taken care of!
Finally, there has been something I have been dying to say on the blog for a while now. Sure, it might lose us some readers, but you know what…I don’t even care! Brace yourselves:
(Whoa!!! Hello there, gentle readers! Thank goodness this hotel has WiFi! I thought it was best to redact that last paragraph. Ashley really didn’t mean it. She truly loves everyone. She’s just feeling a little tired and lonely. Don’t worry, I’ll be home on Friday. Until then, just write something soothing in the comments, okay? -Lisa)
And you know what? Since I finally got that off my chest, this image underscores my feelings perfectly. You’re welcome readers!
(Yikes!! That other picture was deeply unfortunate. Please enjoy this adorable winky kitty from our “Squee” Pinterest Board instead. -Lisa)
So watch out world. Ashley is all alone with the keys to the blog and if you thought what I just said was over the top, just you wait. There is plenty more where that came from!